Scientists combine DNA from rabbit with that of Son of God

In an increasingly common display of the unholy nature of science and logic, blasphemous scientists at the Vancouver Genomics center successfully created the first...

Join the Club!

By Rachel Braeuer and Gary Lim New to SFU? Missed clubs day? Finding it hard to make friends? Tired of sitting alone on Friday and Saturday...

Slice unveils new reality TV show “Project Runaway”

The best new reality show to come out of a typo since The Amazing Mace By Gary Lim Watch out Canada; primetime TV will never...

Edmonton RCMP bust Julia Child pornography ring

Over 20,000 images of horrific Julia Child sex acts discovered in raid By Gary Lim EDMONTON — Edmonton Mounties made a massive breakthrough yesterday after...

South Korea decimated by invading Northern forces, imagines Jong Un

Jong Un stands tall on crumpled enemy forces; actually a pile of legos By Gary Lim PYONGYANG — Several waves of Taepodong-3 missiles launched from...

Syrian president hopes that the country’s rebelliousness is just a phase

President assures nation he knows what it's like to be young; who the man is By Gary Lim ALEPPO — In a brief peace between ...

Sedin twins conjoined

Canucks hope to offset weak win record using with horrific science By Gary Lim Photos by Mark Burnham VANCOUVER — The world of hockey may...

Stuff we HATE

By Gary Lim and Ljudmila Petrovic Manitoba Manitoba is Canada’s worst province. There I said it. If Canada was a family, Manitoba would be the...

SFU R-R-Roll up team looking for new players to roll over opponents

SFU's Roll Up Team aiming to cream opponents next season; two sugars By Timothy H. Bitts Photos by Ljudmila Petrovic It’s that time of the ...

Word on the Street: Anti-vaccination summit.

Q: SFU held a controversial anti-vaccination conference last week. Thoughts? Anti-Vaccine Movement Room temperature IQs  “HEY. VACCINES ARE BAD. HEY, HEY, HEY. COM’ON. LOOK AT ME. LOOK...