By: Niveja Assalaarachchi, News Writer
They say that politics is real, veryrealpolitiks, I think, is what the experts call it. But does it really feel real right now? Are we living in a simulation — is it all AI? Why does the orange man want to drink our maple syrup? Why doesn’t he just drink his own? Why are the French Canadians so unhappy? Is it because we don’t have a baguette on our flag? In order to dive into the heart of what’s happening at SFU, in Canada — hell, even the world, I have taken on the task of speaking with a leading academic.
Dr. Aaron Hoffman is a professor in the department of political science at Simon Fraser University. He specializes in international relations, US foreign policy, terrorism and counterterrorism, trust, and political communication (whatever that means, I think it’s code for something). I’m Niveja Assalaarachchi, and this is Cunk on Mountain.
Niveja: Professor, one of your specializations is in international relations. Recently, Prime Minister Mark Carney had a major speech in Davos and talked about the old world order never coming back. Is this why my delivery parcels never arrive on time?
Professor Hoffman: Uhhh — it’s a great question. I don’t think that’s what the relationship is about. He’s really talking about the way in which the rules of the old international order worked and he’s saying that those are now broken. But I don’t think this has anything to do with your UPS deliveries or your Amazon packages.
Niveja: More on a domestic front — professor, we live in a country that has two legal traditions in different parts of the country. Doesn’t this mean I’ll be arrested twice? Isn’t this concerning?
Professor Hoffman: Because there are two legal traditions in the country — you might be arrested twice?b g
Niveja (voice over as he walks across the pristine English countryside, deadpan): Sometimes, people are intimidated and overwhelmed by my intelligence. Or as the Québécois say, “HOW OUAI DARE OUAI YOU?” Thank you. I spent a year there.
Niveja (back to the interview): Yes . . . Québec has its civil traditions. The rest of the country follows a different set of traditions — you know . . . one time I went to Save on Foods in Coquitlam, and I might have stolen chili. I then took my bowl to Montreal, where I ate it next to a dumpster. Will I be taken in twice?
Professor Hoffman: Ummm . . . I doubt you’ll be taken in twice, but you could be tried in two different courts — that might be something to look forward to.
Niveja: OH MY GOSH! On this point of Québec, we’ve seen a rise in the Bloc Québécois party in Québec. What is this party? Are they trying to block out the country or what else are they trying to do?
Professor Hoffman: Block out the rest of Canada.
Niveja: Is this what is happening?
Professor Hoffman: Kind of . . . hahaha . . . I guess I’ll leave it at that.
Niveja: My final question. All the members of parliament usually meet at Parliament block in Ottawa. But to my knowledge, they’re working out of a train station. Why has the government taken this step, and if they’ve done it there, why haven’t we seen any progress on the gondola here at SFU?
(uncomfortable pause)
Professor Hoffman: Hmmm . . . That’s an excellent question. I hadn’t made this connection between the train station they’re working out of and the gondola, but I can see it very clearly now, so very perceptive. I think it’s because — basically, the reason why they’re working out of a train station is that the government is too cheap to actually pay for the proper facilities and that’s why we haven’t seen the upgrade to the parliament or the gondola at SFU.
Niveja: Well, what a shame! Thank you so much, professor.
Well, it’s very apparent how the shifting tides of political relations are changing the country and the world. This journey has seen me be able to reveal more of the circumstances behind this. Join me next time — if there is one.
