By: C Icart, Humour Editor
Vancouver is hosting Pride this week, and even though “we are all born naked,” that is not the appropriate outfit for the occasion. So, you could make endless Pinterest boards until you develop the perfect Pride look. Or, you could just wrap yourself in a Pride flag and call it a day. You could even use an app inspired by Cher Horowitz’s digital outfit generator in Clueless. But I’m fully embodying the gay best friend trope today by only existing to tell you what to wear. Alexa, play that audio that goes “Emergency, emergency, paging Dr. Beat.”
This one is for the queer historians. The first brick that may or may not have been thrown on June 28, 1969, is a queer icon. After all, she marked the beginning of the Stonewall Uprising and Pride as we know it. This brick and who potentially threw it has been at the centre of so many arguments, but this outfit is sure to be a crowd-pleaser. Use foam to create the legendary brick shape, and don’t forget the red body paint so your legs and face match.
Obsessing over “serving fish” is so not the vibe this season, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still rock a fishtail! Miss Vanjie walking offstage while repeating her name like it was some sort of spell is an integral part of queer history. Commemorate this moment by embodying the mermaid Barbies on her bodysuit. Find the most beat-up blonde wig in your closet and stick it in the blender to destroy it more. Then, apply your makeup with your eyes closed while in the passenger seat of a moving vehicle. The last step is obviously finding a Party City mermaid tail to complete the look!
3. EW, but make it queer
How would you know it’s Pride if you weren’t seeing brands make their social media logo rainbow, but only in certain parts of the world (can only be gay in the markets where that sells, obvi)! So, why not reference this rainbowfication in an incredibly fashion-forward look? You’ll need a friend for this one, so go grab an ally. First, wrap each other in toilet paper until you look like kids dressing like mummies for Halloween. Don’t be too rough with the toilet paper as you want to be able to reuse it afterwards #ZeroWaste. Pro tip: if toilet paper is difficult to acquire (I know bidets are all the rage these days) you can also steal a Hazmat suit from a research lab on campus. Then, use the skills you learned from the H-O-T-T-O-G-O dance to contort your bodies into the letters E and W. You must do this in front of a Pride flag for it to work. And then, boom, you’ve recreated Entertainment Weekly’s hilarious Pride logo.
