By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer
After some well-deserved time away, we’re kicking off the semester in full swing. As a Communication student, I’ll be spending most of my time with my best friend, Canva. Sifting through templates and scrolling through the seemingly endless list of font choices gives me as much euphoria as the iconic Adobe Flash dress up games of my childhood. As a Criminology minor, my eye for style is criminally underutilized (must . . . use . . . Arial). But who comes up with these font names, anyway? They must be related to whoever picks the nail polish names. Quick! Guess what colour Alpaca My Bags is. Time’s up! Blue. Now that we’re adequately warmed up, let’s kick off back-to-school season with some of the most ridiculous font names. I advise you to use them with your own discretion.
- TAN Meringue
This font looks like it should be used to write a fairytale. But I have questions about where this name came from. Is it a cookie? A confection? Can I eat it?? No, I guess not, but it sure looks pretty. It’s as whimsical as though Hansel and Gretel themselves came up with it after fleeing that creepy old woman’s candy house.
2. Architype Bayer-Type
I know what my archetype is (the Lover), and this font isn’t it. Kinda cute, though, if you like something modern. Based on “Herbert Bayer’s 1931 universal, modern serif alphabet,” this font is business in the front and artsy in the back.
3. Knockout Welterweight
Did this font win the WBA Championship or something? I don’t know if it’s just me, but I don’t think this font could even remotely knock anyone out. The standard OpenType font is startlingly simple, and does not live up to its name. According to Free Fonts, it’s been downloaded a whopping 398 times at the time of writing this. In my opinion, this font has struck out in all ways other than the absurdity of its name.
4. Special Elite
I feel important using this font. The typewriter style makes me feel like a 1940s typist sending a telegram in a secret spy organization. Catch me typing up agent reports for fun. Don’t worry, I’m not a spy (or am I?).
Asap’s name fits its uses, as the font was quite literally developed to save time when changing font styles without changing the flow of the text body, so that all of the lines stay the same length. Quirky name, useful font — bravo. But the real question is, will using this font help me finish my essays quicker?
Of all the Google fonts, this is the first to make me hungry. “Reminiscent of a cartoon tattoo style of lettering,” Ribeye is a playful type that can be used for newsletters and graphics. I only have one request. Can I get a side of fries with it? Or better yet, buttery mashed potatoes.
7. Text Me One
Use this when writing one of those “Is it possible to get an extension?” emails to your TA. According to Google Fonts, this font is playful with just a “hint of pop” and is used best for large lettering or continuous body text. Personally, I would write every email in this font. TTYL!
8. Arial Nova Condensed
Not the Arial the assignment guidelines are referring to.