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I don’t want two-factor authentication

Humour
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ILLUSTRATION: Alyssa Umbal / The Peak

By: Saije Rusimovici, Staff Writer

Mission: Impossible — Rogue 2FA Code

Whoever developed two-factor authentication (2FA) must have been trying to hide some serious shit. The service requires an alternate method of sign-in, like a code sent to your email or an alternate password. This might not be too bad if the password was something simple, instead of a combination of numbers so complex I doubt a codebreaker could understand. As for alternate passwords, I’ve locked myself out of my Apple ID, like, five times in the last three months. What makes anyone think I have the brain power to keep yet another password stored up there? Yes, yes, I realize I could write them down, but I usually use Goodnotes, and I’m sure we’re not far away from throwing a few passwords to log onto that too (as if anyone wants to see my sparse health science lecture notes from three semesters ago). Now, this may have come in handy for secret agents like James Bond and Mission: Impossible era Tom Cruise. But for an average person like me!? 2FA is stressful and a painful waste of time. 

Since when did logging into my Canvas account become as complicated as getting into a CIA database? I mean, I feel honoured that my information is important enough to require multiple passwords to access it. If anyone wants to look at my mediocre grades, they can go right ahead and have a little laugh. Honestly, swiping out of Canvas to open my email browser to find my authentication code somewhere among thirty-five unread emails from Joy Johnson is more stressful than anything else. 

Any hacker would be disappointed after stumbling upon my college-kid-sized lump of money embarrassingly divided between my checking and savings accounts. The rest of the money is long gone into the corporate hands of The Juice Truck at Whole Foods (they’re just so good, though . . . ). Thank goodness for the copy-and-paste feature that makes it easier to sign in with the overly complicated code hidden in an excessively detailed email. My memory isn’t what it used to be. I can’t even remember my credit card PIN, let alone three different authentication codes in one afternoon. In a way, it’s reminiscent of the “I am not a robot” prompts on Google (though if a robot was trying to hack into my accounts you could be sure I have something to hide . . . ).

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society