By: Maya Beninteso, Peak Associate and Peak Swiftie (not yet trademarked)
Dear Peakie,
Mother’s Day just passed, and my bio mom is frustrated that I also sent a card and flowers to Taylor Swift. How do I explain that while she will always be my mom, Taylor Swift will never stop being MOTHER to all the Swifties and me?
Sincerely,
STREAM THE MIDNIGHTS ALBUM NOW
Dear STREAM THE MIDNIGHTS ALBUM NOW,
That’s quite the champagne problem you’ve got there. As an experienced Swiftie myself, I know this all too well, seeing as I went through this with my bio mom, too. That said, there is only one correct solution, and unfortunately, it will take time. Firstly, drop everything now, apologize and explain how much you love your bio mom. Then, you’re going to carefully classically condition your bio mom (hear me out, okay?). Play a Taylor Swift song in the background whenever you do something nice for her. Slowly but surely, your bio mom will associate Taylor Swift with being happy (which should’ve been her normal reaction from the start, tbh). Not only will you have a bio mom that understands the importance of MOTHER, but she will also likely send Taylor Swift flowers next Mother’s Day.
It’s exhausting always being the Anti-Hero,
Peakie
Dear Peakie,
I was wearing headphones on the SkyTrain and forgot to get off at Production Way-University. I couldn’t hear the voice saying “last stop” over the medieval folk rock I was listening to. Where is the train taking me? Will I ever be able to escape? Am I trapped forever (hopefully not because my playlist only has 368 songs . . .)? Please help me.
Sincerely,
Lost In Both Song and Metro Vancouver
Dear Lost In Both Song and Metro Vancouver,
“Where is the train taking me?” That does seem to be the ultimate question, and the answer is simple: you are the conductor. You’ve given up control of your life, and need to regain it. Harness it. Embody it. The train isn’t taking you anywhere; you’re simply letting it. My advice? Stop the train, and stop this external locus of control nonsense. Otherwise, enjoy the remaining songs on your playlist and don’t stifle your sobs during the jarring Spotify advertisements (repression isn’t your friend).
Dance to the beat of your own drum,
Peakie
Dear Peakie,
Ever since the first season of Glee, I always knew I was destined to express myself through song. However, my physics professor disagrees. He has asked me to stop suddenly bursting into song during his lectures and said it was “inappropriate” for me to recreate the Montero music video in class. However, I disagree because that is my process as an artist, and I’m not doing the lap dance part, just the part with the pink wig. How do I get my professor to respect my talent?
Sincerely,
Rachel Berry is My Idol
Dear Rachel Berry is My Idol,
Thank you for calling me when you need.
I’m assuming you’re a gold star student and already know Newton’s third law, where every action has an equal or opposite reaction. It seems that you’ve encountered an opposite reaction, which, honestly, there shouldn’t be in this scenario. Maybe your prof needs a lesson; consider this your call to action. If Glee has taught anyone anything (besides that, Don’t Stop Believin’ is OP), it’s this: a lesson plan fixes everything. The theme, you may ask? Don’t Rain on My Parade — of course — where the objective is to see things from the perspective of others (a skill in which your prof possesses a great deficit). Perform to your heart’s content, and if your sweeping performance doesn’t persuade him right away, just don’t stop believin’.
No slushie facials from me,
Peakie
