By: C Icart, Staff Writer
The fall semester has started, and students are again faced with the tremendous challenge of finding the right classroom. We’ve all done it. Confidently walked into a lecture hall, sat down in the front row — because we’re getting straight As this semester — and unpacked our things. Felt prepared only to be humbled ten minutes in when the prof is most definitely not teaching that intro course we signed up for. It’s okay, I get it. The AQ is basically a never-ending hallway of identical-looking classrooms. But now that you’re in the class, what do you do to avoid the embarrassment of walking out with your head down? Here are five tips for you.
- Enroll in the class
You’re already in the classroom. This may be a sign from the universe that you are meant to take the class. Log into goSFU, drop the course you were enrolled in, and enroll in the new one instead. Don’t have the prereqs? Don’t worry. When you explain to the professor how the universe led you to their classroom, they’ll definitely waive them.
- Create a distraction
Biodegradable glitter is perfect for this sort of scenario. All you have to do is throw it in the air. While the entire class is mesmerized by the iridescent masterpiece raining on them, follow the instructions of the ever so iconic Julie Chen Moonves: “Gather your belongings and walk out the front door.”
- Tell the professor to teach the material you need
Tuition is expensive. Considering the amount you’re paying, professors should bend over backwards to teach you. Simply raise your hand and let the professor know which topic you would like them to introduce, and they should be happy to accommodate you.
- Wear camo
This one requires a little bit more planning, but it is essential if you want to avoid what could be the most mortifying situation of your life. Wear camouflage so no one can see you in the classroom. This way, if you need to leave because you misread your SFU Snap app, no one will even know you were there to begin with. Alternatively, a John Cena costume will also do the trick.
- Assert dominance
Nothing is embarrassing if you are not embarrassed. Proudly stand up, interrupt the professor and loudly announce that you will be leaving. Make eye contact with everyone around you and dare them to say anything or even smile a little bit. Don’t turn around; slowly back out of the classroom with your arms spread out, making yourself look as big as possible. T-pose on your classmates. Move to higher ground if you need to. You are the predator and they are the prey: make sure they know.
