By: Eva Zhu
Whoopsie daisy! You slapped the snooze button too many times because you’re a failure at life (don’t worry though, we all are) and now you have 10 minutes to wash the ever-accumulating filth off your body, do your hair, pack some breakfast to annoy your professor with, and fill in your eyebrows if they’re nonexistent. How will you accomplish all of that in 10 measly minutes? Don’t worry fam, I’ve got you covered! Here are five hairstyles for when you can barely afford to run a brush through them.
- Get creative with how you secure your bun
Who says you need to use hair bands to tie up that bun? Go for something more extravagant and use it to distract others from noticing your greasy “could totally make KFC jealous” roots. The more shock value your choice of fastener brings, the more likely other people will want to talk to you. What an easy way to make friends! It’s a win-win situation here. Pile on the 1980s scrunchies, or wear a head full of butterfly clips. If you want to step it up a notch, use a black garbage bag as a hair tie to let others know that you’re trash. - Go for the slicked-back wet look
Whoever invented this hairstyle is a genius. Who cares if you’ve been knee-deep in exams and haven’t washed your hair in a week? You can look like you just stepped off the runway at New York Fashion Week with a little bit of water and a ton of hair gel. The more hair gel you pile on, the trendier it looks. You can even scratch at your roots all day and the dandruff will probably stay encapsulated in it. Wear an easy slip-on dress, and people are going to be wondering if you’re actually a morning person. - The Betty ponytail
Raise your hand if you’ve stayed up until three a.m. binging season one of Riverdale to prepare for season two, and slept a total of “NOT ENOUGH” hours. You thought about taking a shower before bed, but the risk of falling asleep in the shower was too high. How do you hide the flaming pile of garbage on top of your head? Take some style cues from Betty, and use the excess oil to guide your strands into the preppiest ponytail you can muster. Throw on a crewneck sweater, and go find your Veronica. - A french braid
This is the perfect hairstyle to do on the bus, since you’ll have enough time to undo and redo the braid over and over again. Also, you can’t scream in frustration as you usually do since there are thirty people on a moving vehicle who will stare and silently judge you. French braids work the best with sticky, greasy hair anyways, and the braid can help hide the evidence of your beer-soaked hair from when you were higher than Snoop Dogg and let someone dump a cupful on you. Plus, french braids always look elegant and sophisticated — even if you’re trashed. - Hatzzzzz
If you’ve gotta rush out the door in two minutes flat, a toque/beanie is your best bet. Remember to spray some perfume on it in case someone tries to get too close and is all up in your personal space. You don’t want them to drop dead from the stench.
