By: Gene Cole
[Intro]:
As the final week of October arrives, you find yourself sitting in your living room without any plans for the spooky holiday. You were busy covering a work shift last year and didn’t get to do anything, but now with your midterms conveniently done and your house empty, you don’t know what to do with yourself. However, you have the two objects that can get you anywhere: your cell phone and some pumpkin-print clothes that you bought in aspiration during July.
- [If you feel like having a quiet night at home, go to PARAGRAPH 1]
- [If you feel the need to invite some friends over for a little get-together, go to PARAGRAPH 2]
[PARAGRAPH 1]:
Yeah, who needs a big party or awkward social misadventure? You’re an adult — you can define your own good time, and you don’t need a bunch of awkward social situations to accomplish that. You put on the shirt of your pumpkin-print outfit, mostly to justify your purchase. You also grab the box of single-piece candies you bought last week to put in a bowl and enjoy like a giant child.
- [If you want to put on your favourite comedy, go to PARAGRAPH 3]
- [If you don’t feel like getting invested in anything and want to wait for trick-or-treaters, go to PARAGRAPH 4]
[PARAGRAPH 2]:
You do a callout in your group’s embarrassingly named Discord chat asking if people want to drop by to “eat snacks & play games & junk.” Most of the gang is unable to make it, but one of your besties is more than willing and also has some friends she says she can bring along. Creepy John also says he’ll come along, who you forgot was in the chat group — too late to un-invite him. Hopefully he doesn’t drunkenly share his weird fetishes with the group like he did at the last party.
- [If you feel like setting up a snack table to pretend you’re a proper grown-up host, go to PARAGRAPH 5]
- [If you want to play your gang’s favourite board game and set it up now to save time, go to PARAGRAPH 6]
[PARAGRAPH 3]:
As it turns out Planes, Trains and Automobiles is not as exciting as you’re used to. There’s a charm to comedies like this, but it doesn’t suit your short attention span and current comedic tastes. As a result, you fall asleep with two candy wrappers in your lap — forgetting to brush your teeth and put in your retainer. You wake up dreading the dental appointment you still need to set for yourself.
Fin.
[PARAGRAPH 4]:
Nothing can make your cold unfeeling soul more pleased than putting what you learnt in your grade 11 improv class to good use. Unfortunately, the kids in your neighborhood don’t appear to like going door-to-door on their own block, so you don’t get a single kid at your door the whole night. You fall asleep while making a passive-aggressive Twitter rant about how kids today don’t know how to do Halloween ‘properly.’
Fin.
[PARAGRAPH 5]:
At last, your pantry full of jumbo chip bags and cheap green plastic bowls don’t make you feel disgusting or tacky! You set them out alongside a box of single-piece Halloween candies. It isn’t too fancy, and you’re sure your friends will quickly see through the façade, but some effort is better than none at all.
- [Someone’s knocking on the door, be polite and let your friends in on PARAGRAPH 7]
[PARAGRAPH 6]:
Even though it doesn’t really fit the holiday season, some Settlers of Catan seems like a great way to spend an evening, and will get your aggressive negotiation game on. You pull it out and find that one of the board tiles is missing, so you spend most of your setup time trying to make a replacement tile with a note paper and pencil.
- [Someone’s knocking on the door, be polite and let your friends in on PARAGRAPH 7]
[PARAGRAPH 7]:
Your bestie and a mutual friend from high school are the first to arrive. They take a seat on the couch while you welcome Creepy John and your two much nicer friends from a group project last semester. John says hello by giving you an uncomfortably long hug before complimenting how you look in your thematic outfit. You’re unsure how uncomfortable you should feel about his enthusiasm about the $30 outfit. As all your friends peddle in, they see your setup on the coffee table and don’t think twice about it, making you regret the effort. Your friends quickly grow untalkative and bored, and you need to ensure the party doesn’t stagnate.
- [If you want to put a horror movie on to encourage some spookiness, go to PARAGRAPH 8]
- [If you’re indecisive and want to desperately ask your guests for suggestions, go to PARAGRAPH 9]
[PARAGRAPH 8]:
You remember a movie on Netflix that your pretentious classmate recommended to you. You begin by asking your guests, but the quietness of the room makes you turn on the TV before they thankfully agree to watch. You start regretting your decision within 20 minutes, as Creepy John gets way too close to you on the couch and the impressively realistic gore starts making your stomach churn. The personal and visceral discomfort leads you to throw up aggressively in your lap, and through your sickness, you see an opportunity to ask your guests to leave early. You contemplate putting the outfit in the washing machine before just tossing it into the dumpster — fearing that the cursed fabric is what led to the awful evening.
Fin.
[PARAGRAPH 9]:
While having good intentions by letting the public decide, you unintentionally begin an uncomfortable cold war around the living room as nobody can decide what to do. Creepy John nominates uncomfortable party games, your bestie suggests browsing YouTube videos that only you would find entertaining, and the other three don’t know anyone well enough to pitch in. You endure another 30 minutes of bored silence before one of the quiet guests asks if everyone wants to go to McDonalds and call it a night. You finally feel relieved as you shovel nuggets into your face and escape your uncomfortable friend group without needing to kick them out.
Fin.
