Woohoo, Boohoo: Valentine’s Day

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February 14 is the day where you reflect on the fact that you're single.

Woohoo: Singleness Awareness Day

Unbeknownst to many lovers out there, America’s favourite romantic day of recognition is also known to ‘outsiders’ by a few other labels — my favourite being ‘Singleness Awareness Day.’

Yes, all you single people. February 14 is the day where you recognize and reflect on the fact that you’re alone. For most single people, this is a difficult reality; I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen silently indignant individuals scoff at relationships as if they’re meagre annoyances. Or the types of dejected individuals who openly and relentlessly spill their sorrowed guts with the beliefs that they will “never find their other half.” Or the people who’ve just come off a breakup and seem traumatized at the fact that they “actually don’t have anyone to spend Valentine’s Day with this year.” How sad.

Please. Treat yourself this Singleness Awareness Day. Download a movie, buy a tub of your favourite ice cream, and bask in the idea that you don’t have to spend loads of dollars on another individual today to make them happy. Life isn’t all about being dependent, so just take a chill pill.

Boohoo: Emotional Porn Day

I’ll be honest and say I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day for the ridiculous portrayals of happy relationships I see everywhere. No, this isn’t about V-Day being a corporate cash-grab (although it is), it’s about the gushy intimate behavioural expectations with which media penalizes us. Scrolling through Facebook, watching YouTube videos, flipping on the television, I witness scenes of couples lip-locked, their love practically bursting from every orifice in their bodies.

This is all nice and sweet — in small doses.

But on February 14, it’s safe to say we don’t even have to open our laptops to actively search out porn because Facebook and Twitter already have it covered. This emotional overload convinces couples that this is the only way to love, and by constantly barraging the public with images of nose-nuzzling and vociferous spit-swapping, we’re led to believe that if we aren’t following suit then we’re doing V-Day all wrong.

Do yourself a favour and close your laptop during Emotional Porn Day.