Last week marked the beginning of course registration for Fall 2015, which means you’ve probably already sifted through the uninteresting crap being force-fed into your timetable. An unfortunate reality is that picking a course load for the next semester quickly dissolves from an exciting period where you peruse course descriptions into taking basically any required course that isn’t already waitlisted and won’t cripple your work availability. But a dreamer can dream, can’t they? Here are some of the courses now open for enrollment in my perfect world.
ARCH 101: Introduction to Archaeology
The fundamental skills of archaeology will be covered in this course, including how to measure your head-size for future fedora purchases, both practical and impractical uses for a whip, and how to grow just the right amount of facial hair to appear scruffy (but not too scruffy).
ENGL 412: Advanced Sarcasm
In this four-credit course, students will study the rise of sarcasm as a form of storytelling for modern audiences. We will also look at the various ways in which literary writers have tried — and failed — to convey the tone of sarcasm and some of the most famous examples of how sarcasm led to a big miscommunication. Wow, sounds like a really insightful course.
PHIL 214: Dreamed Thoughts and Theoretical Existences
This altered consciousness-heavy course will look at the multiple realities that are produced whenever humans fall asleep during class, as well as the peculiar thoughts that manifest whenever we let our minds drift to something more interesting. Like, have you ever considered that when you’re going between time zones, you’re technically travelling through time?
CRIM 360: Locomotive Investigations
Intensive study of what to do if your life ever takes an Agatha Christie-style turn, and you’re forced to solve a crime whilst aboard a fast-moving train in an exotic country. Fifty per cent of the final mark will come from coursework, while the other half will be based on applying the learned knowledge to a real-life scenario. Please note that this course is reserved for Criminology honours, majors, and people who have just always wanted to do something as cool as this.
LING 352: Virtual Languages and Online Linguistics
An investigation into the dialects used on your Facebook newsfeed, as well as those found on Instagram, Twitter, and whatever other dumb social media platform is trendy now. Course requirements include having Internet access at home and a smartphone with data, as students will be expected to access social media regularly and excessively.
BUEC 131: Economic Developments and Money Bags
Introduction on how modern economics influence our society, as well as how to use this first-year knowledge to become instantly rich and successful. We will also look at what to do when you simply have too much money and no clue what to spend all of those fat stacks on.
GSWS 203: Exploration of the F-word
An assessment of the term feminist, as it should already apply to everyone. Examples of why people say they’re not a feminist will be examined, along with logic-filled rebuttals students can use to discredit the anti-feminist movement. Prerequisite: common sense.
EDUC 368: Educational Institutions in Pop Culture
An in-depth look at how schools often serve as the backdrop for countless successful television shows and films, despite none of the actors’ ages correlating with the characters they’re portraying. Please note that this is a viewing-intensive course, with students required to binge-watch many of the shows they were probably already watching anyways.
