“Life is what you make of it,” said some philosopher or other advice columnist at some point in all likelihood. They’re probably right, I guess.

You should make the most out of life and get out and do stuff, like be active in the community or some other crap like that. Maybe join a club, get active in student politics, or help fund student advice columnists. (Note that that last one is your best option.)

These kinds of things bring overwhelming self-satisfaction to who you are as an individual. They are valuable life experiences — notably that charitable donation to your friendly neighbourhood budding advice columnist. You need that kind of stuff to achieve a successful career and, of course, that stuff about being a complete person.

This is the sort of self-improvement that helps you meet people. I think. It hasn’t happened to me yet, aside from that time I showed up to a random club meeting for free pizza. But I hated everyone there — except the pizza.

But that doesn’t mean it can’t work for you! You should definitely do that stuff; it makes you feel better about yourself. (Again, I don’t feel better about myself, but I read in a book somewhere that that’s what’s supposed to happen.)

Or don’t. Sitting on the couch and watching television is pretty good, too. Actually, that’s probably what you should do. I mean, you don’t get to feel like a complete person from watching terrible TV shows, but who cares? I feel great about myself and I only cry myself to sleep half as much as I used to. Who needs life experience? The only life you need is Life. . . time specials ruining the images of now-dead celebrities.

But while you’re sitting on the couch, watching television, you should be sending your bank account information and PIN number or otherwise wiring me money. That will make you feel complete. It always helps me.

Well, that’s about all of the inspirational advice I have for this week. I think I’ll go take an early-morning nap to recharge my creative batteries. Think about what I’ve said here today. This counts as an advice column, right? When do I get paid?