After spending the last decade in development hell, the fourth installment of the Jurassic Park franchise is ready to be extracted from amber and resurrected in theatres June this year. While some of the earlier scripts contained hilariously bad plots — including one draft about dinosaurs who could use military weapons — these were nothing compared to the ones Universal Studios tried to bury. For the first time ever, here are four abandoned plot pitches once considered for Jurassic Park 4.
1) Homo sapiens Park: Set in the year 120,000 AD, the world’s first human theme park is about to start welcoming visitors. However, after some of the park’s investors (who are dinosaurs!) express a concern over the attraction’s safety, a pair of paleontologists (dinosaur paleontologists), a lawyer (he’s a dinosaur), and a chaos theorist (he’s a human. . . kidding!) assess if the park is ready for visitors. At the film’s climax, a giant Jeff Goldblum will become the movie’s unlikely hero and save the day — and our protagonists — by facing off against three ferocious Laura Derns.
2) Jurassic Park: Electric Boogaloo: Tim and Lexi Murphy, now adults and co-managers of the Isla Nublar youth centre, discover a nefarious plot by InGen to buy the centre and convert it into a frozen yogurt emporium — unless they can raise the $50,000 needed to cover the centre’s operating costs. With their backs against the wall, the siblings set out with their trusted dog Spot to find the one thing that can help save the Isla Nublar rec centre: the fabled, but never captured, breakdancing Tyrannosaurus rex.
3) Jurassic Park 4: Back to the Cretaceous: Ian Malcolm, grief-stricken from the loss of his wife Sarah Harding, invents the world’s first time machine and attempts to go back in time to prevent her death. However, a slight glitch in his equation accidentally transports Malcolm and Nick Van Owen back to the Cretaceous period, where they struggle to blend in until Malcolm fixes his time machine — all while trying to avoid changing the past!
4) Jurassic Park 4Ever After: After losing a high-stakes poker match against the Chinese mafia, the only way a now-retired Dr. Alan Grant can convince them not to cut off his arms is if he takes them to the mysterious island of Isla Nublar. Upon his return, Grant discovers that his former girlfriend Ellie Sattler has become a deity of sorts for a local tribe, who were revived by DNA found in amber. With Sattler arranged to marry to warrior chief, Grant has to figure out a way to remind Sattler of what they once shared.
