If your Halloween plan this year is to stay in and gorge yourself on mini chocolate bars while watching horror movies, we salute you. If you’re looking for some so-bad-they’re-good flicks, look no further. Tired of Oscar-winning acting and life-like effects? There’s none of that to be found here. These films (if they can be called as such) all vary from “hilariously-bad” to “Oh-god-why” bad. So curl up and get ready to cringe.
Leprechaun
The movie isn’t particularly gory or interesting — except for the fact that it’s a movie about a leprechaun chasing down and murdering people in an attempt to retrieve all of his gold. It stars Jennifer Aniston as the annoying teenager who apparently needs to fight off a leprechaun for poorly defined reasons, and Warwick Davis as the titular leprechaun.
Leprechaun 2
So there’s this crazy rule where every 1000 years on his birthday the leprechaun gets to choose a girl and make her his bride. Suffice it to say there are rules and loopholes revolving around sneezing and people saying “god bless you.” It’s pretty much more of the same, but does delve a bit into the leprechaun’s mysterious past. Also the leprechaun gets better leprechaun-magic.
Leprechaun 3
What’s the next logical step after looking into the Leprechaun’s past and a thwarted marriage? Obviously you go to Las Vegas. Just for kicks, let’s have the main character become a leprechaun after getting bit by the bad guy — but make him tall. Also he magically grows a terrible Irish accent. They have a leprechaun battle at the end. Yeah, leprechaun’s are werewolves apparently. Also I think there was a con-man subplot in there.
Leprechaun 4: IN SPACE
This is where shit gets real. So the leprechaun tries to marry a space-princess to inherit a planet, but some space-marines kill him. Then the writer decided to parody Alien a bunch. Also the leprechaun turns into a giant because of an enlargement-ray. I think the space marines are the good guys? I was rooting for the leprechaun.
Leprechaun 5: In The Hood
The leprechaun is in L.A. and totally murders a whole bunch of rappers in order to get his magic flute back, which makes people do what he tells them to. Yeah.
Leprechaun 6: Back 2 Tha Hood
Look at that title, just look at it. This movie is glorious. A whole bunch of “urban youth” find the leprechaun’s gold after he’s been banished to the underworld by four-leaf-clover-laced holy water. Of course, as the rambunctious youngsters spend the gold to do all the stuff they’ve always dreamed of, the leprechaun comes back to retrieve his gold, and murder a bunch of teenagers.
Jason X
Hey, you know Jason? Like from Friday the 13th? Yeah, so he got cryogenically frozen and now he’s on a spaceship . . . station? And there are a whole bunch of people up there. Man wouldn’t it be absolutely hilarious if he got thawed for some reason? It sure would!
Phantasm
The parent of two brothers dies and the older brother comes back to town in order to take care of the younger one, who is sort of rebellious, and sees the owner of a mortuary doing weird things with coffins and stuff. There’s also the “Tall Man” who is collecting corpses, shrinking them, and sending them through an extra-dimensional portal to sell as slaves — maybe? It’s not really clear. What is clear is that the “Tall Man” has an awesome floating sphere which jams itself into your head and drills in and then sucks all your blood out and stuff.
Troll 2
The only things you have to know about Troll 2 are as follows:
1. Troll 2 has literally nothing to do with Troll, the previous movie.
2. Troll 2 is generally considered the worst or second worst horror movie ever made.
Death Bed: The Bed that Eats
This movie has a part where a guy gets everything other than the bones in his hands burned off. They use skeleton hands from one of those science-class skeletons for his hands. They have metal pins in them, that you can see. And oh yeah, it’s about a bed that eats people because it’s possessed by a demon that a haunted painting-man killed a long time ago.
