My trick, my treat, my choice

Although in my current position as the Humour section editor for this newspaper, I try to keep my personal politics and radical social views out of my writing, once a semester I’m called upon to break my silence and contribute a shocking and provocative piece to the Opinions section.

Last semester I no doubt caused a firestorm of controversy with my Editor’s Voice in which I bravely declared my belief that Barack Obama has the credentials to go down in history as one of the presidents of the United States. I can only assume that the personal feelings I’m about to reveal will once again put me in the crosshairs of the entire student body.

This time however, the scope of my bitingly critical, sardonic viewpoint has been limited to fit into a Halloween-themed paper but as you can already tell from the headline above, I’m not afraid to take strong stances on even the least talked about issues.

Anyway, it is my firm belief that everyone should have the right to make their own decision on whether they are subject to a trick or must give away a treat at Halloween. And, unlike the rest of the world I’m not afraid to talk about it, I’m 100 per cent pro-choice and proud of it.

For me, there’s no middle ground to this question, it’s up to the individual plain and simple.

For me, there’s no middle ground to this question, it’s up to the individual, plain and simple. It’s their candy, their house, their body, and therefore their choice. Just because you might think that giving out candy is the only socially-acceptable response to the “trick-or-treat” dilemma, don’t push it on me.

Some people just can’t afford to give their candy to kids, others just would rather see the kids perform mischief on their house for some reason . . . it shouldn’t matter why, it’s nobody’s business but the person answering their door.

No one should be able to tell you that you can’t choose trick if you want to, and no one is trying to. Certainly the government shouldn’t be telling people that they can’t request a trick from children instead of giving them a treat, and as far as I’m aware they never have.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, people should be allowed to choose between tricks or treats, and they are. However, even though this issue is currently not a problem for anyone, I think the right to choose between candy or prank on October 31 should be a fundamental liberty, mostly because I have no idea what a fundamental liberty is.

So, this Halloween remember that it’s your choice whether or not you are tricked by trick-or-treaters or you treat them. This isn’t a complicated issue, like abortion, you choose what’s best for you, it’s that simple.

You know what else is a choice? Which section of this paper you read. So stop wasting your time being angered by flimsy, incoherent arguments like this and get to the Humour section already! If you go straight there you’ll finish this paper in no time!