Unpaid intern’s incompetence results in payment
By Brad McLeod
VANCOUVER — Amidst the recent backlash against unpaid internships in BC, local corporation Hamtrax, announced on their website last week that all future internships will be “full pay with benefits,” a move that they have since blamed on one of their incompetent interns.
While the announcement has certainly made them hugely popular with university students looking to gain work experience while also eating and living indoors, Hamtrax has not been pleased with their now-paid interns.
“We gave him one thing to do, one thing” explained Hamtrax’s frustrated CEO Dave Klimchuck, “We just told him to put a message up on the website that we we’re hiring interns, that’s it, and he had to go and include all this information about fair pay and benefits, and now we have to pay him for it!”
Although the individual in question, Ryan the Intern, has been in some hot water over the “this isn’t free labour” slip-up of the new internship program write-up, Hamtrax has not been able to have him fired thanks to the conditions Ryan accidently included in the new intern agreement.
“I can see messing up and writing that we pay interns, that’s a mistake anybody could’ve made, but this asshole accidently included all sorts of rights and proper conducts for termination for interns” continued an exasperated Klimchuk “God, these interns are a pain in the ass . . . and thanks to their fuck-up they’re now some of the highest paid employees at this company!”
According to the terms written by the clueless intern, not only do interns have to be a paid, but they have to receive minimum wage which is more than he says he deserves after his blunder.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen” Ryan the intern told The Peak apologetically. “I just looked up the proper legal requirements for internships in BC when I put it up on the website, I know they didn’t ask me to do it, it was just an honest mistake, I swear!”
The mistake has now cost Ryan his unpaid internship and forced him to start receiving financial compensation for his labour. He will also now be joined by plenty of other foolish young hardworking, career-driven students.
“This never would have happened if we just had interns who didn’t try to actually work and just slacked off all the time like young people are supposed to,” complained one of Hamtrax’s hundred vice-presidents, Mike Steele. He explains, “We only got into this mess because Ryan showed initiative; hopefully giving them some money can make them complacent enough to stop trying and just be like everyone else who works here.”
Even though they might not be happy with their new internship program, Hamtrax now has no choice but to follow through on it but rumours have swirled that despite the pay it won’t be the happiest place to work.
“Apparently the company is so mad about what Ryan did that they’re going to make interning there into the least fun time they can” explained Matt, the prospective future intern. “I’ve heard it’s going to be long hours, irrational bosses, uncomfortable co-worker relations, I mean, what kind of work experience is that?”
