By Gary Lim and Ljudmila Petrovic
Manitoba
Manitoba is Canada’s worst province. There I said it. If Canada was a family, Manitoba would be the brother they sent away after they found it taking apart cats behind the tool shed.
Honestly, it’s like a shittier version of Saskatchewan, without Corner Gas or wheat. I mean, Prince Edward Island barely counts as a province (you can drive across it in 42 minutes) and manages to knock the socks off of Manitoba. They don’t even speak a proper language in Quebec and they keep trying to secede every other Tuesday. Still better than Manitoba.
While other respectable provinces are exporting soft wood lumber, maple syrup or lobsters, what’s Manitoba’s chief export? Regret?
I hate you so much Manitoba.
— Gary Lim
Automatic Doors
The door comes in two modes: open and closed. So you’d think that motorizing half of it would only make it more user-friendly? Well like the Stephen Hawking that’s a big fat fucking “wrong”. They open out of nowhere and scare the shit out of you, causing you scream out in a crowded coffee shop. Okay, fine, causing me scream out.
You know when you’re in a hurry and would actually benefit from some magical approach sensing doors? That’s when the door decides to open just
slowly enough that you have to come to a stop or slam face first mosquito into-windshield style.
I guess you can always take the initiative to manually open that door, but seriously? It’s an automatic door. It has one job.
— Ljudmila Petrovic
