SFU’s Roll Up Team aiming to cream opponents next season; two sugars
By Timothy H. Bitts
Photos by Ljudmila Petrovic
It’s that time of the year again ladies and gentlemen, roll up the rim season is in full swing at SFU and nobody is more prepared for this than the Clan’s very own varsity R-R-Roll-Up team. Although coffee has been around for centuries, the competitive drinking of it is something relatively new to the world of varsity athletics.
The Peak had a chance to catch up with the caffeine king himself, team captain Morris Van Houtte, who was training in line, to talk about how the 2013 season was shaping up. “[ The season] is looking good, much better than last year.
“Granted, last year was a shitshow,” said Van Houtte. “Everyone was caught off guard when Tim Hortons introduced the new 24 oz. extra larges. We were unprepared for the extra four ounces of the coffee; ever yone ended up jitter y. We couldn’t roll up as many rims as we needed to, and it showed in our ERA (Earned Roll Average). Also the ulcer injury suffered by Buck, our team’s star guzzler, who had to let his Tim’s card run dry.”
Of course, the sport of R-RRoll up isn’t restricted to the Clan’s elite coffee chugging crew. A quick glance around the West Mall and you can see dozens of amateur R-R-Roll up games, people just rolling for the fun of it.
A tip from a pro: it’s easy to tell who’s a veteran and who is just getting into their first cup of joe. It’s a technique called the pinch and roll, and if I have to explain it to you, I suggest you put down your cup before you hurt yourself.
When asked about what made R-R-Roll up stand apart from other sports Van Houtte said, “What drew me and the rest of the team to the sport is is that every cup gives you the same chance to be a winner. Whether you’re 4’11” and 130, or a 6’6” and 220, male or female, you stand the same chance of locking up a free donut. Plus, since every cup gives a one-in-six chance, that means we should end this season with a better record than the women’s soccer and the volleyball team.”
As he got the polished off the last of his coffee, Van Houtte popped the lid, pinched the cup flat, and rolled his 20th cup of the season, finding the elusive free coffee.
“It might not look like much, but this is the most exciting prize you can win because it gives a chance to play again for free. When you win at a slot machine, you use it to play that machine again. That extra spin could mean hitting the big-time, getting scouted and playing for the NRL, and a chance at the $500 gift card or barbeque,” he said.
For those of you that have been thinking about joining the r-r-Roll up team, Van Houtte says, “We could use every body we can get, we are still looking to fill the hole that the extra large put in our rosters and stomachs when Steve was sidelined by his ulcer last season. Tryouts are running in West Mall until the promotion ends, so jump in that line, and you might just become a walk-on for SFU’s fasting growing varsity sport.”
