Shocking rise linked to children who’ll just grow into their looks

By Brad McLeod

VANCOUVER — A new study by the Canadian Medical Association has revealed that despite the rapid decline of child obesity over the past few years, a startling number of children are reportedly “just big-boned.”

According to their statistics which were gathered through interviews with young people across Canada, over half of Canadian kids labeled with obesity are actually dealing with their own specific rare bone conditions

“These findings are absolutely astonishing,” remarked Dr. Peter O’Toole, a local pediatrician. “Big bones of any kind didn’t used to be a common ailment at all, but recently I’ve been hearing from my patients about all sorts of bizarrely inflated bone densities, not only in the arms and legs, but in the face and even stomach.”

Although doctors have been mystified by the cause for these bone disorders, they have reportedly found evidence linking big bones to lack of physical activity and unhealthy eating habits.

“Since there are almost no adults who identify themselves as being ‘just big-boned,‘ our statistics show that most kids who are ‘just big boned’ actually develop into obese people,” explained one of the researchers, “but at the same time, many ‘just big-boned’ children who begin to exercise and eat well are able to shrink their bones, allowing them to become regular-boned teenagers and adults.”

Even more oddly, according the researcher, many of the patients who experience these “shrinking bones” deny ever having stated that they were big-boned in the first place.

“The findings are very strange,” continued the researcher. “It almost makes you wonder if being ‘just big-boned’ is simply an excuse for being overweight, and not the proven medical reality we all unequivocally believe.”

Despite this researcher’s doubts, the majority of Canadians are standing by the study as being completely true based on the fact that “kids never lie.”

Although researchers don’t have any answers on how to cure the “just big-boned” epidemic, the study has opened up a whole world of answers to childhood problems. The Canadian Medical Association is currently developing studies to determine whether kids dealing with anorexia are possibly “just small-boned,” and whether bulimics could be “just sick a lot.”