Peak associate

An illustration of a gathering of bears sitting on the grass
3 min 0 3028

Animal meeting concludes humans are garbage at recycling

Nathan T. August 8, 2022

Dear humans, We strongly encourage you to read the latest meeting minutes for the weekly Burnaby Mountain Conservation Area Bear Community Meeting as part of the Burnaby Mountain Neighborhood Committee. We trust you will enact changes to your garbage disposal habits in line with best practices.   July 2 Weekly Burnaby Mountain Bear Consortium Special guests: Northern Port Moody Cougar Family Location: Office of the President Strand Hall, 3000–8888 University Drive Date: July 2, 2022 at 3:00 p.m. Attendees: Bears: Simon, Fraser, Robert, Brown       Cougars: Lorne, Davies, McFogg, Uni   Agenda items: Discussing availability of human trash as food Be…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
3 min 0 1907

Horoscopes: July 25–31

Hannah Kazemi July 28, 2022

Aries You go to enroll and all of your courses are full except for one, so you choose three alternate courses that are not at all anything that you’re interested in. You suffer all semester, and end up with an…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
5 min 0 1758

Horoscopes: June 27–July 3

Max Lorette June 27, 2022

Aries:  Has the stress of exams got you down, Aries? Do you feel stuck and exhausted? The stars have told me that you are overdue for a natural shower in the rain. Like Poet Laureate Natasha Bedingfield said, “Feel the…

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Illustration of love letters zipping past each other on Google Doc
4 min 0 2016

A Google Doc love story

Maya Beninteso June 22, 2022

Once upon a group project, two unsuspecting psychology students were placed in a group, encountered the usual group tension and, surprisingly, love. Twas not a meeting that involved bumping into each other (cutely) in the maze we SFU’ers call the…

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4 min 0 1795

Top ten ways to make a good impression on your TA

Maya Beninteso June 20, 2022

Tell them you’ve taken the class five times  Brag about your unmatched experience with the course. After all, what’s more impressive than being extremely acquainted with the course content? The paper? Done it. The exam? Taken it so many times…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
4 min 0 1726

Horoscopes: June 6–12

Max Lorette June 6, 2022

Aries:  The stars have informed me that it is a good idea for you to stay inside as much as possible this week. The cosmic forecast is calling for a killer sunburn on your horizon, and God knows you haven’t…

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Five exquisite ways to luxuriate in the dark academia aesthetic

Max Lorette June 3, 2022

Have you recently finished reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt? Has the slow ascension of summer made you yearn for the cool breeze of autumn? Do you revel in enforcing your superiority complex over your fellow scholars? Then you…

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A girl biting her pencil, staring at her laptop
3 min 0 2162

Re: Are they incomplete assignments or just boundaries?

Maya Beninteso June 3, 2022

Dearest Professor, Thank you for your email. While your message says I haven’t completed the assignment, I counter that I’m merely asserting an emotional boundary. I don’t claim the assignment’s due date. I didn’t consent to that due date, and…

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An illustration of some people giving a huge grin at the camera next to a pile of firewood
3 min 0 2081

Forget owning a house, just build your own!

Clarence Ndabahwerize May 26, 2022

Victoria, BC —  In light of the housing affordability crisis, policymakers from the Government of Canada pulled a bit of a Marie Antoinette by coming up with a subsidised chainsaw training program for young Canadians. The program was unveiled by…

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A photo of a student posing in front of a parking lot, holding up a peace sign
3 min 0 4178

SFU’s parking lots, ranked

Hannah Kazemi May 16, 2022

Central Parkade 42069/10. This lot will never let me down. My ride or die. My homie. My bae. Live, love, laugh, Central Parkade. I can always find a spot and it’s right in the middle of campus, so I never…

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