Dear humans, We strongly encourage you to read the latest meeting minutes for the weekly Burnaby Mountain Conservation Area Bear Community Meeting as part of the Burnaby Mountain Neighborhood Committee. We trust you will enact changes to your garbage disposal habits in line with best practices. July 2 Weekly Burnaby Mountain Bear Consortium Special guests: Northern Port Moody Cougar Family Location: Office of the President Strand Hall, 3000–8888 University Drive Date: July 2, 2022 at 3:00 p.m. Attendees: Bears: Simon, Fraser, Robert, Brown Cougars: Lorne, Davies, McFogg, Uni Agenda items: Discussing availability of human trash as food Be…
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Aries You go to enroll and all of your courses are full except for one, so you choose three alternate courses that are not at all anything that you’re interested in. You suffer all semester, and end up with an…
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Aries: Has the stress of exams got you down, Aries? Do you feel stuck and exhausted? The stars have told me that you are overdue for a natural shower in the rain. Like Poet Laureate Natasha Bedingfield said, “Feel the…
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Once upon a group project, two unsuspecting psychology students were placed in a group, encountered the usual group tension and, surprisingly, love. Twas not a meeting that involved bumping into each other (cutely) in the maze we SFU’ers call the…
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Tell them you’ve taken the class five times Brag about your unmatched experience with the course. After all, what’s more impressive than being extremely acquainted with the course content? The paper? Done it. The exam? Taken it so many times…
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Aries: The stars have informed me that it is a good idea for you to stay inside as much as possible this week. The cosmic forecast is calling for a killer sunburn on your horizon, and God knows you haven’t…
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Have you recently finished reading The Secret History by Donna Tartt? Has the slow ascension of summer made you yearn for the cool breeze of autumn? Do you revel in enforcing your superiority complex over your fellow scholars? Then you…
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Dearest Professor, Thank you for your email. While your message says I haven’t completed the assignment, I counter that I’m merely asserting an emotional boundary. I don’t claim the assignment’s due date. I didn’t consent to that due date, and…
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Victoria, BC — In light of the housing affordability crisis, policymakers from the Government of Canada pulled a bit of a Marie Antoinette by coming up with a subsidised chainsaw training program for young Canadians. The program was unveiled by…
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Central Parkade 42069/10. This lot will never let me down. My ride or die. My homie. My bae. Live, love, laugh, Central Parkade. I can always find a spot and it’s right in the middle of campus, so I never…
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