HUMOUR
Suspicious coughing in the classroom
March 5, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer People like to boast about ditching class, and honestly, why not? Why would you spend two to three hours of your life — that is 180 minutes — stuck in a room with people you don’t know and will never remember again after four months of forced academic camaraderie? But now, what if they start coughing? Maybe add a sneeze here and there? The academic struggle-buddy next to me right now is coughing and wheezing so much it reminds me why I was awarded the “you visit often” title on WebMD’s COVID-19 symptoms page. …
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Fondness for my Chromebook (After Siaara Freeman)
March 4, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Oh, Chromebook. I heard you’ve restarted unexpectedly . . . again And that’s OK. I’m not annoyed! I love restoring all my previous apps It’s one of the many things I love about you I…
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CONFESSIONALS: I work out from home so no one can see me fall
February 26, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Health and fitness trends come and go. If you’re old enough, you start to see them repeating. Look me in the eye right now and tell me that Naughty Girl Fitness is not just a…
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UmbraCity or UmbraSyndicate?
February 24, 2025By: Thievius Raccoonus, SFU Student UmbraCity has set up its oddly dystopian-looking kiosks across Vancouver, allowing consumers to rent umbrellas when unexpected rain decides to fuck up their day. The Canadian company has been putting the “EH” in umbrella ella…
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The benefits of being Black in a mostly non-Black community
February 18, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Kendrick performed at the Super Bowl last week, and while I didn’t watch the performance (I refuse to watch men crash into each other for fun), that didn’t mean I was exempt from seeing all…
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Horoscopes February 17–23
February 17, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor Aries March 21–April 19 “It’s private, but no.” The stars think you should spend more time telling nosy people to mind their business, and then still answer their questions. Taurus April 20–May 20 “Um, Shabana.…
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The rumours are true, I have flirted with a man before
February 13, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor I’m 25, and honestly, it’s great. Love being 25. Like yesterday, I wanted a chocolate bar, so I just bought myself a chocolate bar. Didn’t have to ask my mom, didn’t have to pass GO,…
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Peakie gets sexy
February 13, 2025By: Petra Chase, Editor-in-Chief and C Icart, Humour Editor Dear Peakie, Do you have the TLC people’s phone number (the network, not the girl group)? I was practicing the Megan Thee Stallion headboard challenge by myself so I’d be ready…
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Hinge is a game, and I’m losing
February 11, 2025By: DILF Hunter, SFU Student From 2023 to 2024, I was a frequent user of dating apps out of boredom. I gained nothing from my experiences other than various ridiculous screenshots of jarring or hilarious interactions, and a somewhat deeper…
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Dear Peakie aids those in need
February 4, 2025By: Sarah Sorochuk, Peak Associate and C Icart, Humour Editor Dear Peakie, I love merch! People think my favourite slogan is “fight, fight, fight,” but it’s actually “monetize, monetize, monetize.” I can sell anything! Candy, robes, guitars . . .…
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