Fake News
Horses raptured!
September 24, 2012Pictured: Seabreeze, one of the left behind, struggles to deal with an existential crisis following the horse rapture last Sunday. By Gary Lim The strange and long held to be impossible happened last Sunday, when approximately 14 million of the domestic and wild horses on the planet Earth were apparently raptured into the heavens above. It began Sept. 23, 2012 2:45 a.m. EST, that was when the skies across the world suddenly lit up with the luminousity of a thousand stars and across the continents millions of horses began their skyward ascension to spend the rest of eternity in heaven…
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“Translink, pretty much nazis at this point,“ man who forgot U-Pass reports
September 17, 2012[caption id="attachment_63999" align="alignleft" width="614"] Fahrkarte, bitte Fahrkarten. Bitte halten Sie Ihren Nachweis über die Zahlung und die Identifizierung bereit für die Inspektion[/caption] Article by Gary Lim Photo by Mark Burnham Last Friday, 23-year-old history major Travis Owens reported…
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100 Level Courses Hold ‘Plagiarism Awareness Week’
September 10, 2012Article by Brad McLeod Photo by Mark Burnham BURNABY — Last week, professors teaching first year courses from all SFU faculties once again banded together to dedicate the first week of the semester to raising awarenessabout academic dishonesty. Dubbed ‘Plagiarism…
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News Beat: September 3
September 3, 2012Minotaur discovered in Robert C. Brown Hall Last week, in an encounter that could only be described as unbelieva-bull, second-year history major Haru Kenji came face-to-face with a creature from Grecian legend: the minotaur. Although sightings of a 700-pound half-man,…
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News Beat: July 30th
July 30, 2012SFU professor wins world record for thickest accent In a small ceremony held in Convocation Mall last Saturday, Guinness World Record officials awarded SFU professor of computing science, Ranjeet Chupala, the distinct honour of having the world’s thickest accent. Competing…
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Ignored by public for years, stranded man is finally rescued from busy street median
July 30, 2012By Brad McLeod SURREY — Late last night, a rescue helicopter airlifted a young man to safety from a street median near the intersection of Nordel and Scott Road. According to Search and Rescue, the missing man had been stuck…
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Elderly man responsible for “bread epidemic” at local duck pond
July 23, 2012By Brad McLeod — Bread McLoaf SURREY — An elderly man was detained by the RCMP early Saturday morning in connection with a recent rash of illegal bread distribution among local birds at Surrey Lake Park. Robert Moore, a 75-year-old retiree,…
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SFU introduces tiered pricing for naming things
July 1, 2012By Gary Lim BURNABY — Following the recent economic downturn, SFU administration announced a new revenue-bolstering program that is planned for 2013 earlier this week. The program, hailed as “groundbreaking” and “innovative” by early testers, would create a tiered…
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News Beat: June 25th
June 25, 2012Virtual unknown sweeps Internet comedy awards In an unprecedented event, a virtual unknown swept the “IVAs” Internet video awards, last night. The video featuring several ducklings following a cat that they believed to be their mother beat out such prominent…
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Porn apparently counts as cheating: Girlfriend
June 25, 2012By Will Ross BURNABY — In a shocking and controversial proclamation, my girlfriend of two years, Beverly Mandel, has announced that the viewing of pornography during a relationship is tantamount to cheating. The decree was made following an unfortunate episode…
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