Fake News
Study finds shocking increase in children who are ‘just big-boned’
November 5, 2012Shocking rise linked to children who’ll just grow into their looks By Brad McLeod VANCOUVER — A new study by the Canadian Medical Association has revealed that despite the rapid decline of child obesity over the past few years, a startling number of children are reportedly “just big-boned.” According to their statistics which were gathered through interviews with young people across Canada, over half of Canadian kids labeled with obesity are actually dealing with their own specific rare bone conditions “These findings are absolutely astonishing,” remarked Dr. Peter O’Toole, a local pediatrician. “Big bones of any kind didn’t used to…
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Petter sits down Woodward’s to talk about the about the new campus on the way
November 5, 2012After an uncharacteristically silent dinner last Saturday night, SFU president Andrew Petter reportedly waited until bed time before sitting down with the Woodward’s campus to explain the changes that would soon be coming to the extended SFU family. These new…
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Mitt Romney’s five adult sons form Mormon boy band
November 5, 2012[caption id="attachment_65294" align="aligncenter" width="614"] The Romney clan expects to have bred their own broadway musical cast by 2015.[/caption] By Gary Lim Photo by Associated Press Startling news came out from the American Music Awards last Sunday, when the…
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TransLink to slap toll on Jeff Bridges
November 5, 2012By Liam Britten Sources: The Dude “does not abide” gouging commuters Despite recently taking heat over increasing tolls on major Lower Mainland roads, transportation giant TransLink has said that they are planning to toll even more bridges in the coming…
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Bank of Canada declares nation’s economy ‘haunted’
October 29, 2012By Liam Britten (Necro-economicist) Bank rules out Leprechaun-related hijinks causes for demonic happenings After weeks of speculation and nervous hand-wringing by economists and psychics across the country, Bank of Canada president Mark Carney took the unprecedented step of declaring the…
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Campus Update: October 22nd, 2012
October 22, 2012University board concocts elaborate tale of “Where the koi fish went” Crisis struck this week when, during the bi-monthly meeting of the faculty deans and associate chairs, SFU president Andrew Petter asked aloud, “Where do the koi fishes go in…
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Suspected amateur diver tragically dies attempting ambitious bridge stunt
October 22, 2012Man loses life in accidental, unintentional, unforeseen bridge tragedy By Brad McLeod Photo by Gmourtiis @ Flickr VANCOUVER — A young man’s body was fished from the waters underneath the Lions Gate Bridge early yesterday morning in what police assume…
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Family pulls plug on man in food coma
October 9, 2012Groups clash over the controversial decision to take over-fed man off feeding tube. By Gary Lim VANCOUVER — The ICU at Vancouver general hospital was the site of substantial ethical debate late Thursday evening, after housewife Miriam Wilheim signed the…
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Campus Update: October 9, 2012
October 9, 2012Professor convinced that not making students remember ‘exact dates’ sets his class apart An unnamed SFU History professor apparently still believes he is unique in not making students remember the exact dates of historical events despite this being true of…
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Campus Shorts: Sept 24, 2012
September 24, 2012McFogg the Dog eats small amount of chocolate Tragedy struck early last weekend when beloved SFU mascot McFogg the dog was discovered to have ingested over one-third of a Hershey’s ® chocolate bar. Sidney Jackson, McFogg’s handlers describes the circumstances…
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