Clarence Ndabahwerize
Forget owning a house, just build your own!
May 26, 2022Victoria, BC — In light of the housing affordability crisis, policymakers from the Government of Canada pulled a bit of a Marie Antoinette by coming up with a subsidised chainsaw training program for young Canadians. The program was unveiled by officials from Ottawa on the steps of the BC Parliament Building, from which the provincial government had just been renovicted! This program will teach youth how to log, complete with an instruction manual for building their own house. A source was quoted saying, “It’s our best work! It outlines which trees are good for the exterior, and which trees do…
Continue reading
Olympic athletes should be allowed to protest
July 19, 2021On April 21 of this year, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) upheld Rule 50 of the Olympic Charter ahead of this year’s Olympic Games, which were likely to feature protests from athletes regarding social and racial justice. Rule 50 prohibits…
Continue reading
Bewildered student confronts the peculiarities of food
June 15, 2021Burnaby, BC — A student having a dreadful Zoom lecture was admitted to a local hospital after engaging in an internal debate regarding his appetite. Due to the inevitable wandering thoughts associated with a Zoom class and an empty stomach,…
Continue reading
SFUnexplained: The hair-raising truth about SFU’s construction
May 31, 2021Listen up, sheeple! SFU builds stuff for themselves, not for our wellbeing or our general interest. A lot of you may say you aren’t surprised, but what comes next will blow your minds! Recently uncovered documents mysteriously emailed to The…
Continue reading
SFU Student Updates: May 10–16
May 10, 2021Key Updates We’re making the Burnaby campus a bit greyer SFU is committed to being one with nature, and we like the fact that most of our buildings mimic our most beloved sombre weather throughout the year. However, we recently…
Continue reading
Turns out I’m the worst international studies major out there
March 2, 2021There are times during the pursuit of my international studies degree where I am genuinely excited to get out there and be a functioning member of a major security organ, for the sake of the world. These moments are overwhelmingly…
Continue reading
Top Ten reasons I’ve been unable to catch some shuteye
January 31, 2021The collapse of liberal western democracy Imagine waking up to find the Scottish unicorn on your passport in your room helping itself to your SFU acceptance letter. You know, that same one you left in your hastily purchased suitcase. Doesn’t…
Continue reading
- « Previous
- 1
- 2
- Next »
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]