Displacing the unhoused population dehumanizes an entire community

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February 9, 2024

A Black healthcare worker wearing a mask, gloves, and face shield — PHOTO: Laura James / Pexels

By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer

Content warning: mentions of medical racism and medical trauma.

In Canada, Black people are at a higher risk of receiving inadequate healthcare due to systemic barriers. There is a long history of healthcare systems mistreating racialized people, and this still persists today due to a variety of societal factors. The Black Health Alliance explains that “the social determinants of health are the conditions in which people are born, grow, live, work and age.” Factors like housing conditions and food security are directly related to health outcomes. Further, the lack of medical photo references for darker skin can also lead to misdiagnosis as skin conditions or indicators of poor circulation present differently compared to light skin. Cyanosis, for example, which is typically thought of as a lack of oxygen presented by blue fingertips or lips, can be white or gray on Black skin. All these factors can lead to higher rates of negative health outcomes.

In addition to a lack of information, racial stereotypes can also lead to mistreatment, misdiagnosis, and lack of access to screenings and testing. Racial biases in healthcare can include ignoring a patient’s pain or symptoms — especially for women — and mistreating or misdiagnosing ailments. Black individuals can be at a higher risk for certain cancers or disorders, on top of having a higher mortality rate for some cancers. Some are not given proper screening or testing, even if they are at a higher risk, due to reported symptoms being brushed off.

For instance, there was a case of a patient who had been mistakenly perceived as having a suspected overdose when in reality he was having a stroke. They made this assumption based on his race, despite him explicitly telling the operator he was experiencing a stroke. Another example involved a Black woman whose pelvic pain was brushed off for years until she finally found a doctor to take her seriously. She was eventually diagnosed with fibroids — which Black people are at higher risk of. These examples are reminiscent of false beliefs about Black people having a higher pain tolerance than white people, and a 2016 study showed “that a substantial number of white laypeople and medical students and residents hold false beliefs about biological differences” between Black and white people. The study also showed that such biases affect pain treatment recommendations and that racial bias played a role in the pain perception of patients.

Steps need to be taken in order to best help and treat patients. This includes offering more tests and screening for certain diseases and disorders, and doing a full work-up of a patient’s symptoms. Black people experiencing pain should be taken seriously.

In the Canadian healthcare system, forced sterilization is still happening, which disproportionately affects cisgender women who are Indigenous, Black, and disabled. This practice is completely unacceptable. The longstanding history of Black patients being used as test subjects for treatments is also still a problem today that results in traumatic experiences and systemic barriers. Providers need to shift the way they treat patients so that no diagnosis goes unnoticed and no mistreatment is made due to bias or ignorance. Even more importantly, institutions like medical schools and hospitals should be aware of how medical bias can affect patient outcomes and educate their staff accordingly.

As of September 2023, the Black Healthcare Professionals Directory was introduced in Ontario to help Black Canadians find healthcare providers. The network includes physicians, nurse practitioners, mental health professionals, and more. It includes a background check, and will hopefully be available all across the country soon. The Black Health Professionals Network (BHPN) — which is the organization that created the directory — was founded in 2021, and since that time they have worked to generate a safe space for Black patients seeking medical care to help combat some of these issues.

The directory’s ease of access and available options for health professionals and patients provides a level of accessibility and accommodation that otherwise may not be available. With the ongoing shortage of family physicians in Canada, the network has been able to help those in search of a doctor — or other healthcare professional — who otherwise may not have had access to one. The directory will not solve the issue of systemic racism and discrimination in healthcare, but it provides additional support.

More steps need to be taken to ensure that Black folks are seen, heard, and treated with dignity and respect in healthcare. The work that BHPN is doing is only one step toward creating a positive impact for Black patients in Canada, and it’s one that leads toward change and revolution in healthcare. Our governments and institutions need to follow suit to ensure that biases and misinformation are stamped out of our healthcare systems for equitable health outcomes.

You can access the directory online at bhpn.ca.

What Grinds Our Gears: YouTube ads make me scream

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February 9, 2024

The youtube search bar — PHOTO: Nordwood Themes / Unsplash

By: Kelly Chia, Editor-in-Chief

YouTube is really pissing me off lately. When I’m trying to relax, I like watching my favourite creators on my TV, but I’ve recently been getting multiple, unskippable ad breaks that are 45-seconds long. I’m talking about three or four ad breaks in a video, sometimes even five minutes apart. The worst part? YouTube claims the breaks are longer because there will be fewer ad breaks in the video, but it’s not true! These are more ad breaks, and they’re unskippable, AND they’re LONG. YOU CAN’T COMMIT THREE CARDINAL SINS TO MY PEACE.

You think the drama stops at the television? You’re wrong, Scott. When I watch on my laptop, YouTube not only notes that it’s against its terms of service to use ad blockers, but advertises YouTube Premium to bypass this. Apparently some Reddit users are reporting getting ads for ad blockers, which feels like salt on the wound, YouTube! It’s upsetting to me to have an app that I relied on for free entertainment growing up become more difficult to use and enjoy. It’s nasty to put a price on something that used to be free. Of course I’d like to support creators, but I can’t even watch them through a 45-second ad break every five minutes!

The ABCs of getting the perfect haircut

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February 8, 2024

An individual getting a mullet style haircut — ILLUSTRATION: Jill Baccay / The Peak

By: Eden Chipperfield, News Writer

It takes one bad haircut to make your confidence seemingly evaporate. Hair is a big part of how we express ourselves and a point of confidence and pride in our appearance. A haircut or hair colour that goes wrong can be a challenging situation to navigate.

I was fortunate to work as a front desk assistant at a well-known hair salon in the Vancouver area. I learned a wealth of knowledge from the stylists and colourists — from shampooing techniques to hair drying, and matching the colour wheel to your hair that suits your skin tone the best. Below are a few tips I want to share from my days at the salon that will make your next trip a successful visit.

Honesty is the best policy.
Leaving your hair in someone else’s hands is a nerve-wracking experience. So, explaining what you’re looking for when you’re in the chair is essential. Understandably, you may not want to hurt the stylist’s feelings, as you are critiquing their work, but I promise it’s better to be honest the whole way through the appointment. The stylists are there to work with you and follow your vision, so be as transparent as possible. The same goes at the end of the appointment; if you are unhappy with the result, you must speak up and let them know so they can correct what you’re unsatisfied with as soon as possible.

Inspiration is a great place to begin.
The claim that stylists and colourists dislike being shown inspirational photos from the internet is false. It’s great to have pictures or videos of what you’re looking for, so stylists can help replicate the haircut you want. I always have better results when showing images of what I want, from fringe and length, to colour and style. If you’re venturing into the world of hair colour, offering a colourist the tones and hues you’re looking for helps them accomplish exactly what you want. The same goes for the haircut; ease your mind by asking the stylist to replicate a style you like the look of, or have an image to reference. If you are unhappy with the result or think your request still needs to be accomplished, see the above section.

Junior stylists and colourists are still qualified!
In the hair world, there are different ways to classify the level of stylist, which goes in order from apprentice to junior, intermediate, advanced, then master. Some individuals might shy away from scheduling an appointment with junior stylists because of their experience level, however, I can 100% tell you juniors are all qualified and graduated from a formal program. They love the opportunity to practice and develop their growing skillset. Often, junior stylists and colourists have been on the floor of salons for a while, so they know the inner workings of the environment. My advice when considering booking with a junior is to remember they are also students looking for opportunities, just like us.

Textured hair requires different care.
Hair types vary across the board. Afro or textured hair types, for instance, require specialized care and attention. There is certainly a particular wealth of knowledge associated with styling textured hair types. A lack of textured hair education in beauty schools results in limited options for Black clients, as well as improper hair treatment. Finding a stylist or colourist that’s knowledgeable about your hair type eases the anxiety of entrusting your hair to someone who may not have the correct experience or techniques. If you are trying out a new salon and want to know if a stylist or colourist can deal with your hair type, research beforehand or call and ask. In the long run, knowing up-front will be better than finding out later.

Learn a new haircare routine.
Need help maintaining your new locks? Most individuals dread having to re-wash their hair once it’s been cut, as all the style is washed away. However, hope is not lost! Creating a personalized haircare routine requires research, and a great way to start is by asking the stylist taking care of your hair. Another myth is that all the best products come from chain stores like Sephora — which does have beautiful lines — but drugstores like Shoppers and London Drugs also have fantastic options when building your haircare routine. Matching my type of hair to products with the help of my stylist was the best start. Tip: ask what products they used the day of your appointment. If you liked how your hair felt once you left the salon, maybe consider adding those items into your routine, but don’t feel pressured into spending money either!

Make a future appointment.
When my life gets busy, self-care is the first thing that gets cut. I enjoy booking appointments in advance so that I have something to look forward to and ensure that I’m taking care of myself down the road. There’s nothing like getting a fresh cut and style that makes you feel your best. When I see the notification in my calendar, I feel happy to know that past-Eden, six months ago, was thinking about present-day-Eden. In a way, it’s a gift to yourself to ensure you’re considering your self-care.

UBC collaborates with Israeli university in archaeological field study

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February 8, 2024

This is a photo of a large water fountain in the middle of a UBC courtyard. The fountain has the words “University of British Columbia” written around the outside. Students are walking around the courtyard. — PHOTO: Prerita Garg / The Peak

Editor’s Note: The Peak is in communication with UBC to include their statement in this article. A statement was not previously included due to a miscommunication between UBC and The Peak. Additionally, explicit attribution was added for Isber Sabrine’s comments in an Al Jazeera article.

By: Olivia Sherman, News Writer

The University of British Columbia (UBC) is leading an archaeological excavation in Israel during the summer of 2024, training students in field study methods and the history of the region. The program is in collaboration with the Hebrew University of Jerusalem (HUJI), which has received criticism for its treatment of Palestinian students, militarization of its campus, and retaliation against anti-zionist protests and sentiments. The summer program is led by Gregg Gardener, a UBC professor and alumni of HUJI.

The Peak received a tip from an archaeology student enrolled at UBC, who discovered this program while browsing UBC’s field study courses. “I genuinely love going to school here,” the source said in an interview. They stated they are “disappointed but not surprised” with UBC’s involvement with HUJI.

“Given how much money and effort UBC has put into, at least on the surface, appearing to care about Indigenous rights and issues,” the student said it’s “egregious” how UBC is “failing to recognize the same systems of settler colonialism.” The student also noted how this “academic tourism” seems like “a really bad idea, that doesn’t seem safe for students, if nothing else. It’s an active warzone.”

While Hamas, the militant organization that has governed the Gaza Strip since 2007, killed over 1,200 civilians and kidnapped another 240 — the Israeli government’s retaliation against the October 7 attacks have been condemned worldwide as a genocide against the Palestinian people. Over 25,000 civilians have been killed by the Israeli Defense Force (IDF), with many more wounded or missing. Survivors of the recent conflict, reaching 117 days at time of writing, are subject to starvation, infection, and brutality from members of the IDF. On December 29, South African lawyers launched a case in the International Court of Justice (ICJ) claiming the IDF is “genocidal in character” and that Israel’s actions breach the clauses of 1948’s Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide. Several more countries have since defended South Africa’s claims in the ICJ, such as Bolivia, Colombia, Jordan, Malaysia, the Maldives, Namibia, Pakistan, and Turkey. The ICJ ruled that Israel’s actions could amount to genocide, and issued measures to prevent such from happening. The court ruling did not officially call for a ceasefire.

One genocidal act being internationally reprimanded is the destruction and targeting of Palestinian cultural sites, the oldest of which dates back to 10,000 years ago. Nearly 200 sites deemed archaeologically, historically, and culturally significant have been destroyed since October 7. South Africa references these attacks in its lawsuit against Israel in the ICJ, stating “Israel has damaged and destroyed numerous centres of Palestinian learning and culture,” such as religious sites, museums, libraries, and other places of historical importance. The 1954 Hague Convention, which Israel agreed to, was meant to protect these sites in times of war.

“What is happening now is a war crime. It goes against the first Hague convention,” said Isber Sabrine in an interview with Al Jazeera. Sabrine is the president of Heritage for Peace, an international non-governmental organization that documents cultural heritage. “Israel is trying to erase the connection of the people with their land. It’s very clear and intentional. Gaza’s heritage is part of its people, its history. and their connection.”

This erasure took place far before October 7. Bilal Toprak, a faculty member of Duzce University in Turkey, has highlighted Israel’s intent to erase Palestinian heritage through an archaeological lens, using “archaeology as a weapon of colonization, denial, and erasure.” Efforts to erase Palestine’s history spans from British colonial rule to the 1948 Nakba, to current date.

The anonymous student also emphasized the significance of the area, noting the many different intersections of cultures in the Bronze age, such as the Greeks, Mesopotamians, and Romans. “Palestine has some of the most interesting archaeological history in the world,” they said. “It’s the sites that aren’t being explored, it’s the sites that are being destroyed that we, as an institution, should be looking at.

“The Palestinian people have systematically had their culture and their heritage erased,” the source said, noting that the sites being destroyed could have told them more about the Palestinian culture other than being “occupied, terrorized, and brutalized.”

HUJI as an institution has also been accused of excessive militarization of the campus and academic environment and anti-Palestinian sentiments. A prominent Palestinian professor at HUJI, Nadera Shalhoub-Kevorkian, faced termination after she signed a petition campaigning for an immediate ceasefire in Gaza. The petition was published on October 26, and on October 28 the president of HUJI reprimanded her, stating in a public letter that “It is most appropriate that you consider leaving your job.”

UBC has also seen acts of anti-Palestinian sentiment on campus. Hillel BC is an organization for Jewish students across multiple campuses in BC, meant to promote religious, ethnic, and community belonging. However, stickers saying “I [heart] Hamas” were found across UBC’s campus. Hillel BC claimed in a social media statement that an “independent contractor” had put up these stickers, and said this contractor has since been fired. However, the stickers were originally falsely linked to UBC’s Social Justice Centre (SJC). Members of the SJC were subjected to bullying, harassment, and threats over these false accusations. SJC claims Hillel BC has not apologized for the incident.

“It’s not just knowledge that’s lost, it’s these people’s ancestors and their ways of living. It’s just such a tragedy, and it really sucks that UBC’s actual archaeology program is partnering with a university that perpetrates this,” the anonymous student said. “Our learning [is] coming at the expense of people’s lives and culture.”

Cancelling “The Runner” shows solidarity

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February 7, 2024

By: Petra Chase, Arts & Culture Editor

Content warning: mentions of genocide.

On January 11, Vancouver’s landmark performing arts festival, PuSh, announced that The Runner, a play by the Montreal-based group Human Cargo, would be cut from their programming. The play tells the fictional story of an Israeli ZAKA (search and rescue) member who saves a Palestinian woman, creating contention in his community. While art that deconstructs prejudice is valuable, context is crucial. Platforming a story that depicts Israeli saviourism at a time when Israel is committing a genocide against Palestine can have dangerous repercussions, especially considering how western media misrepresents Israel’s war crimes as self-defense.

PuSh initially defended their inclusion of The Runner. The playwright and director Christopher Morris, stated the play confronts “fear and dehumanization” of Palestinians, and addresses the “need to see the humanity of others.” Fundamentally, though, coverage of such topics needs to be informed and guided by the communities who are systemically subjected to this dehumanization. UK-based Palestinian artist Basel Zaraa said he couldn’t agree to have The Runner show alongside his immersive exhibit, Dear Laila, at PuSh. Dedicated to his daughter, the exhibit reconstructs Zaraa’s childhood home in a refugee camp. His family story involves being exiled by Israel from Palestine in 1948. Zaraa’s lived experience as a Palestinian who cannot return to his homeland offers crucial insight into the experience of someone who’s the subject of The Runner’s moral debate.

As an organization who claims to commit to building “reciprocal relationships,” with Indigenous communities “on this territory and beyond,” PuSh should have consulted Palestinian perspectives earlier. The Indigenous communities of Palestine have lived in harmony with Jews, who also have ancestral ties to the land, long before Israel besieged Palestine. PuSh should have considered the example of Victoria’s Belfry Theatre, who had cancelled The Runner a week before, after a petition called it “a story of Israeli settlers in a dehumanizing exercise of whether Palestinian and Arab life is of value.” Whether someone’s life is worth saving shouldn’t be an ethical question. It shouldn’t have had to come to an ultimatum from Zaraa and further pressure from activists in order for them to finally make the call. However, PuSh still set a good example by listening to Palestinian voices and changing their minds, while being transparent with their community about it being a “difficult decision.”

Media representation is important because it influences how people see certain identities, and can perpetuate harmful stereotypes. Zaraa stated, “Palestinians appear in The Runner almost exclusively as perpetrators of violence. While the Israeli characters are vividly portrayed, the Palestinian characters don’t even have names, and barely speak.” Works that dehumanize Palestinians shouldn’t be viewed or platformed. Preventing this is crucial at a time when mainstream western media devalues their lives.

Local activist Fatima Jaffer, who read through the script, provided insight into the perspective of the public rather than an artistic standpoint. Because a similar portrayal of Arabs and Muslims was used in post-911 rhetoric to spread Islamophobia and justify US wars in the Middle East, there needs to be a priority to “make sure Muslims, Arabs, and Palestinians are well represented” from the eyes of audiences who may have preconceived notions about Palestinians.

Furthermore, there is a misconception that cancelling The Runner was antisemitic. Antisemitism is prejudice and discrimination against Jewish people, and is unacceptable. However, antisemitism shouldn’t be conflated with anti-zionism, which means opposing the state of Israel’s illegal occupation. The Runner was not cancelled based on the Jewish identities of the characters or team. While Morris himself wrote The Runner to criticize Israel’s treatment of Palestinians, he also perpetuated negative representations of Palestinians. It is irresponsible to depict a story from the perspective of a ZAKA member, since ZAKA have systematically given false testimonies of the October 7 Hamas attacks to help justify Israel’s brutal retaliation.

What stood out about PuSh’s announcement was it involved statements from both playwrights, Morris and Zaraa. According to fellow PuSh playwright Marcus Youssef, both artists are “extremely supportive of the PuSh leadership team,” which demonstrates a strong commitment to solidarity with artists.

The International Court of Justice case has announced that Israel “take immediate and effective measures” to provide aid to the people in Gaza. It’s crucial that artistic platforms are being used to prop up narratives that promote a path to a peaceful and liberated future, by listening to Palestinian artists. Showing The Runner would cause more harm than good.

The SFSS is a political entity

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February 7, 2024

By: Michelle Young, Opinions Editor

On January 3, the Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) held a Council meeting. At the meeting, an SFSS Councillor said, “We’re a student society, not a political entity.” A student society is inherently a political entity, and it always has been.

Political entities can be understood as “systems of governing authorities.” The positions of the SFSS are elected by students and made up of a Council. The SFSS has a fair degree of power when it comes to policies that affect students. They implemented the pass/credit/no credit system that was used during the TSSU strike to help soften adverse effects on our GPA. They decide how student funding is distributed for student resources like our health and dental plans. That’s part of what political entities do. A student union is a political entity, and Councillors themselves are political entities by being in an elected position. Yes, their job is to “represent all students.” However, rather than being truly concerned with the representation of students, some members of the SFSS seem to be more interested in the idea of “neutrality.”

The meeting notably covered the Issues Policy removal motion. Though it was rightfully met with condemnation — if passed, this would have effectively removed policies that supported reproductive rights, tuition affordability, disability justice, Palestinian liberation, anti-racism, and accessible and equitable events. The rationale for the removal of these policies would have been “to uphold the principles of political neutrality and ensure fair representation of all its members.”

How does removing a policy that supports live captioning, open access to course materials, and access to “safe, publicly-funded health services” ensure the fair representation of all its members? It doesn’t. It only ensures that the people who need these things don’t get them. There is no neutrality because every political entity, who has the power to shape policy, has to decide their stance on a plethora of issues. No stance translates to no policy. We can already see this in multiple labour issues where there are few legal protections for gig work and the people in these professions are harmed. Lack of regulation is a pipeline for exploitation and discrimination.

The Issues Policies were made to explicitly “clarify the stance of the Society on social, political and economic issues relating to student life” and “serve as a resource and a guide to assist in the development of campaigns.” The SFSS should be thinking about equitable representation, and that doesn’t happen by taking away support of access to contraception, consultation with Indigenous students, and sign language interpretation for live events.

SFU and the SFSS have a long history of radicalism: “SFU was one of the first Canadian institutions to have a Women’s Studies department” and a previous student activist even invited Martin Luther King Jr. to the university — and received a response. Neutrality only harms students who are frequently left behind: Black and Indigenous students who face racism at SFU, disabled students who cannot safely access the institution, and low-income students who face barriers to their education. It is important to have policies in place to protect and uplift these groups of people so they can have an equitable experience at SFU. Otherwise, these groups are left with little to protect their rights. If you cannot take a stance on anything, don’t enter politics.

SFU graduates to engage in new field school on Sts’ailes territory

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February 6, 2024

This is a photo of Sts’ailes Territory along the Chehalis River in BC. — PHOTO: Dru! / Flickr

By: Eden Chipperfield, News Writer

Graduate students from the faculty of environment will have the opportunity to live in the Sts’ailes community for four weeks as part of an upcoming field school experience. During the field school, graduates will have the chance to learn from the Sts’ailes People regarding knowledge about land stewardship, fisheries and forest management, eco-tourism, and more.

The Sts’ailes band lives on the Harrison River in the Fraser Valley. Their traditional land “includes the entirety of Harrison Lake, Harrison River, Chehalis Lake, Chehalis River, the lower Lillooet River, the northeastern portion of Stave Lake, and the Fraser River between Hooknose and Queens Island.”

“We’ll be canoeing; we’ll be boating; we’ll be travelling around the territory. We’ll be doing a lot of the actual talking in the context of a ceremonial longhouse,” said Dr. Morgan Ritchie, manager of Heritage and Environment in the archaeology department, and adjunct professor at SFU, during an interview with The Peak.“That’s a nice way of grounding people in the territory and culture, some of the key kind of concepts are going to be Indigenous governance, health, and how health is connected to the land.”

A significant part of the field school is understanding education and teaching from an Indigenous perspective, particularly listening to the Sts’ailes community and those who took care of and governed the land far before the first settlers arrived. Students will hear perspectives from the Sts’ailes Nation and SFU professors who, throughout the time of the course, will be giving presentations within a ceremonial longhouse.

The idea for the field school was initiated when Ritchie’s former supervisor, Dr. Dana Lepofsky, a distinguished professor of archaeology, brought their class to the Sts’ailes territory and began the initial dialogue between the Elders of the community and the Dean of Environment. From that conversation, a workshop was created to learn from Indigenous ways of learning. “There was this idea that it would be really valuable then to bring students out to kind of learn from the land,” said Ritchie.

“Everything that people know about the land is [ . . . ] passed on from the ancestors who are now part of the land,” said Richie. “Anything you can know about the world around you, [your] beliefs and learnings, it should all come from the land and you should be attentive to that land.” Learning from the wisdom of the land, Indigenous Peoples understand the terrain, the changing ecology, and how to manage salmon sustainably, according to Ritchie. He explains that through the weeks in the summer, students will experience these teachings, visit ancient underground pit houses, and learn about the ecosystems that the Sts’ailes have shaped.

The students participating in the experience will be staying in a recreation site managed by the Sts’ailes community. They will live close to the Sts’ailes River, and the distance from the study areas is a two-minute drive, explained Ritchie.

On how the field school partnership contributes to Truth and Reconciliation, Ritchie said, “It has to be an ongoing kind of relationship. Still, I think reconciliation begins with greater awareness and understanding and appreciation mutually.” Ritchie felt it was important to have “young people, graduate students especially, that are going to go on to become biologists or land use planners or government employees or professors or teachers or anybody in society that has a bit of a voice,” to engage in this experience and create that deeper respect and awareness. “The fact that they’re interested in learning more and to put themselves in the position of the student to listen to community members share about what they know — I think that’s, in some ways, a humbling position to take.”

The evaluation of each student’s time will include weekly reflections, active participation, and a final project or paper that the student will select with the instructors and the Sts’ailes Nation.

STORYTIME: THE SPIDER IN MY BATHROOM HAS A FINSTA (part 2)

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February 6, 2024

Youtube thumbnail with an influencer making an overexaggerated shocked face. — ILLUSTRATION: Alyssa Umbal / The Peak

By: C Icart, Humour Editor

Hi everyone! Welcome back to my channel! Can I get a little commotion in the comments for my new background? I wanted to make sure y’all could see my luxury purses. We’ve come a long way since I was filming these on my dingy bedroom floor. And I couldn’t have done this without all of you! My success is truly our success, even though my life has changed and yours has not. Can I get an amen (in the form of liking, commenting, and subscribing)?

Okay, so in honour of all the Sephora kids controversy, I will be doing my makeup as we jump back into what I personally think is the WILDEST storytime in the history of my channel. So grab your overpriced skincare and join me in pretending that my face looks like this now because of random shit I got in PR, and not because of all the filler and professional skincare treatments I get done.

Similarly, even though I only ever get my hair professionally done and I haven’t been spotted in public without extensions in years, today I will use my influencer status to convince you to buy — drumroll please — SOMETHING. SOMETHING is the solution to all your hair care problems. I’ve only used it once, and look! flips hair Irene would have nothing to say about these luscious long locks!

Video switches to a clip of me on a different day. I look bored AF because I am.

As much as I think I’d be serving Elle Woods realness in the courtroom, I’d rather not be involved in legal shenanigans. So, here’s my disclaimer: there is an ongoing lawsuit, and people have reported dealing with hair loss after using this brand.

Video switches back to the original setting, where I am definitely over-caffeinated. I had stopped by Panera for some lemonade beforehand.

Use my code 40InchGate for 40% off the inflated price to feel like you got a deal!

So anyways! Go watch my previous STORYTIME if you don’t know what this is about. I got a lot of comments of y’all agreeing with me about the burning down of my apartment, and I appreciate that! But I listened to my manager and did not sacrifice my living space to eliminate the spider that was terrorizing me. Instead, I did what I do best, I PUT THAT BITCH ON BLAST ON MY INSTAGRAM STORY. Cancelling is the new murder. Look that shit up, it’s in the criminal code. BTW this lipstick is soooo creamy.

I already know everyone is going to be like girl what are you talking about you can’t cancel a spider. But I did! So, now what? I literally told the entire internet that that leggy bitch was monopolizing my bathroom. Because truthfully, if I wanted a shitty, inconsiderate roommate, I’d go back to undergraduate residence. Unrelated, but I think we should bring back 2016 levels of highlight to our cheekbones. Anyways . . .

Guess the fuck what. I know she saw that shit and I know she felt the shame. Because when I went back to my bathroom, SHE WAS GONE. You know what that means? Let me tell you what that means. It means—

Video switches back to me looking bored.

Okay, so, like, I had to stop filming because my mac and cheese got delivered and my therapist told me to always stop everything I’m doing for vegan mac and cheese. Like she didn’t say it in exactly those words but that’s the gist. Part three is coming soon I swear.

Royalty-free outro music plays as I shove a huge spoonful of mac and cheese in my mouth.

SFU Alert: Transit strikes again

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February 6, 2024