SFU student versus campus construction: Installment 2
Political Cartoon: Carney gives into Trump
By: Cliff Ebora / The Peak
#NotClueless: I, like, totally attended the Met Gala
By: Zainab Salam, Influencer of Influencers
Today, I have to start with a confession; I was totally buggin’. Because, like, can you even imagine being personally invited to the Met Gala? Well, I could. Not to brag, but your girl over here scored a highly exclusive, VIPPP platinum ticket to the Met Gala last week. Let me tell you all about it. #LongCaptionIncominggggggg
It all began when I received a super exclusive DM from a brand that I’ve been dying to work with. And no, I’m not telling anyone the name ‘cause Y’ALL BASIC. They wanted me to attend the Met Gala as their brand ambassador. I mean, hello? As if I would ever pass up the opportunity to be photographed in my totally vintage (second-hand) dress while casually standing next to Anna Wintour. What’s next? Be on the cover of Vogue? #TotallyGoingToWriteThisInMyManifestationDiary #It’sTotallyGonnaHappen #YourGirlyIsAModel
The theme this year? Liquidation. So avant-garde, right? I was obsessed. I thought, what better than to represent the BC every day girly, than wearing Aritiza? TNA is everything the Met Gala stands for: class, style, and a dash of mall-culture nostalgia.
Anyway, I show up, and right away I’m thinking, wow, they really went all out with the aesthetic. Polished floors stretched endlessly, like some kind of chic runway. Mannequins are half-dressed in couture that stands dramatically under harsh fluorescent spotlights, which I assumed was a bold commentary on the fickleness of fashion. Yeah, people, my English courses came in a clutch!
There was even an escalator that wasn’t moving — clearly a metaphor for the struggle of ascending the fashion world. I was, like, totally, living for the immersive experience. I sauntered through the exhibits, which included racks of designer labels, heavily discounted by the way. I assumed it was part of the evening’s theme: liquidation. How revolutionary!
I mean, the whole thing was so authentic. Bargain bins? Stunning. Bold “Everything Must Go!” banners? Genius. And the fashion? Unbelievable. People were walking out with the oversized shopping bags, really committing to the whole liquidation theme. I was like, this is why the Met Gala is ICONIC!
I wandered around, spotting other celebrities, SOOO many fashion seniors were there. I was like, OMG, is that a retired supermodel or the dead grandma from Up?
Of course, I did what any iconic Met Gala guest would do — I started networking. It’s the fashion business after all. You’re a nobody if you don’t know somebody! I leaned over to this one lady in an oversized fur coat (a bold choice for liquidation chic, might I add), and I was like, “So, who are you wearing?” She gave me this weird look and whispered, “Clearance rack, aisle three.” The dedication to the theme was inspiring. Another guest was clutching a garment so fiercely. The haute couture world is vicious!
The event staff was nowhere to be seen. So discreet. So minimalist. They got their NDAs on lock down.
You guys don’t understand, the vibes were gorgeous. They made me feel like a true icon that evening. Like, Bella Hadid? Who dat??
And, to all of my #haters who were mean in the comments. Tryna hate on me, saying, “You’ll never be famous enough to be invited to anything!” Ya’ll can suck it! I said I will be famous. And here I am, F.A.M.O.U.S..
TTYL, catch ya’ll on my next adventure. I just know it’s going to be buzzworthy. #Influencer #BCRepresentation #FeelsLikeADream #WAP
Updated 2 hours later:
To everyone saying I didn’t go to the Met Gala, and that it was actually a Hudson’s Bay, y’all are haters! I don’t pay attention to haters. #Unbothered #IAmAnIcon #VeryDemure #KylieJennerMakeupTrendTagForLikes #PleaseViral #F4F #NigerianPrinceNeeded
And to all of my fans, love you guys. Don’t forget to smile.
From the campus to the big screen: SFU student film goes global
By: Ashima Shukla, Staff Writer
What started as a class project has since turned into a creative awakening for Kitty Cheung, SFU alum and former Peak staff. Bringing together poetry, live action, and illustration, the short film Ad Hominem 2 is a bold act of creative resistance on many levels. Using SFU lecturer Chantal Gibson’s poem Add Hominem, this film perfectly encapsulates the quiet discomfort of complicity.
Starring Claret Egwim-Nwagbara, the film spans across multiple SFU campuses, with scenic shots punctuated by hand-drawn illustrations — a metaphoric graffiti defacing colonial symbols — to the rhythm of Gibson’s words. These animations, painstakingly drawn frame by frame, intervene and disrupt our colonial history without erasing it. Instead, they guide the eye to interrogate the symbols we take for granted at SFU and across Metro Vancouver. As Cheung told The Peak, the animations and typography were inspired by historical colonial illustrations, co-opted to visualize not just rage but also the scribbled and wild form of the poem itself.
As a viewer, the film’s cohesiveness is a testament to the deeply collaborative process of its making. As Cheung explained, each of her teammates brought unique strengths to this project. While Rania Abdulaziz was in charge of the illustrations, Brent Waldbillig focused on sound design and Patricia Sugiarta and Cheung herself worked on editing. “All four of us have filmed shots that ended up in the final film,” Cheung said. From creating the storyboard and compiling shotlists, to incorporating feedback from their classmates, the film is a product of true teamwork.
Originally created as a coursework for IAT 344 (Moving Images), the film’s visual inventiveness caught the eye of curators and judges across the globe. It has been accepted into several film international festivals, including ZEBRA Poetry Film Festival in Germany, Drumshanbo Written Word Poetry Film Competition in Ireland, Living With Buildings – VI in the UK, Midwest Video Poetry Fest in the USA, alongside a screening at the Vancouver Public Library Poetry Month Video Poems.
Cheung realised that the making of this film has allowed her to resist the “voice of capitalist society” that says “you need a proper, stable job.”
Cheung credited the “the incredibly helpful” guidance of mentors in achieving this outreach and recognition. Dr. Kate Hennessy, the instructor of IAT 344, offered encouragement and practical insight into creating festival submission packages. Also of importance to the work was Vancouver’s 2022–24 Poet Laureate Fiona Tinwei Lam, who helped the team navigate the process of adapting a poem into cinema over multiple drafts. In this, Chantal Gibson herself was consulted early on, “to make sure our interpretations were faithful to what she was intending.” As Cheung said, “We were being careful and respectful around this conversation on colonialism, regarding my position as a filmmaker living and studying on unceded lands, and attending this university named after a colonizer.”
Upon receiving the first acceptance from Ireland, Cheung recalled, “I opened my email and just jumped out of my chair.” Aspiring to be an artist since she was a child, Cheung realized the making of this film has allowed her to resist “this voice of capitalist society” that says “you need a proper, stable job.” Cheung confessed that discovering such worldwide awareness was “encouraging,” and motivated her to continue creating.
“To know that my existence [and] my ability to live in Metro Vancouver — while I am incredibly grateful to live here — is made possible through colonization and genocide and horrible violence is heavy,” Cheung reflected. However, to her, this is part of a “continual conversation to keep having.” Currently working on a new poetry collection inspired by Vancouver’s Chinatown and her own experience growing up among the East Asian diaspora, Cheung continues to interrogate identity, loss, belonging, and memory in her creative work. But like many emerging artists, she also finds herself negotiating the tension between passion and pressure — “the reality is, I do need a job.” However, Cheung is hopeful of finding a balance between life and work that also enables her to continue creating.
To other creatives who are also driven to make something, Cheung quoted Doechii’s post-Grammys instagram live, “Just try things.” She explained, “I found it really encouraging because it is so simple.” To every artist out there striving for change, she wanted to pass on a message: “Put your work out there because you never know what might happen. You might win a Grammy, you might get accepted into international film festivals! Who knows? Just try it. Allow yourself the time and space and resources to pursue your dreams.”
Friends of Simon: building community through education
By: Phone Min Thant, Arts & Culture Editor
The author of this article is a Friends of Simon tutor. Following The Peak’s conflict of interest policy, the piece’s payment has been reduced.
“It’s the best job I’ve ever done,” Teagan Leong began as she described her experiences as a tutor for Friends of Simon. If you are affiliated with the SFU faculty of education, that name might ring a bell.
Friends of Simon — or FOS, as it’s more commonly called — is an award-winning tutoring project endorsed by the SFU faculty of education, bridging the gap between SFU students and the K-12 education scene in the Lower Mainland. I spoke to Leong and a few fellow tutors, asking them to share their personal stories of their times at FOS. I also got to speak with Amrit Cojocaru, the program coordinator, to learn more about the history of FOS, its functions, and its significance in the wider SFU and education communities.
Cojocaru described FOS as a tutoring and employment project, fully funded by donors such as United Way BC, with some support from SFU. “As an employment project, we hire undergraduate students at SFU and employ and train them to become tutors to work with newcomer refugee students in a K-12 setting.” FOS began as a pilot tutoring project 19 years ago, envisioned by Paul Shaker, a former dean of the faculty of education. Cojocaru said that since then, FOS has employed around 950 tutors from SFU and worked with over 5,700 students from schools in the Lower Mainland. As she described the program’s history, Cojocaru highlighted the importance of the program’s coordinators, including Angela Flumerfelt and Kanwal Neel, who have been supervising its operations since a few years after inception.
“The work of Friends of Simon is when the tutor meets the student, and all of our administrative work goes towards that priority,” Cojocaru said. She noted how, when working with students and families who are still learning English, it’s important to “think about intention and impact.” When asked to describe her experiences as a coordinator, Cojocaru said, “It’s soul food for me.”
Friends of Simon is an award-winning tutoring project endorsed by the SFU faculty of education, bridging the gap between SFU students and the K-12 education scene in the Lower Mainland.
The tutors themselves were more than enthusiastic to share their stories. Leong described a typical tutoring session after school: a question of the day, homework and worksheet time, and literacy activities, which are designed to improve the student’s literacy skills while keeping them engaged. Leong, who joined the program to gain hands-on experience in education, added, “I met a lot of new people through this program with similar interests of my own, careerwise.” Having started only last September, she said, “I was really nervous but ultimately all the tutors are all really helpful and are willing to give you tips,” referring especially to the guidance provided by lead tutors, an essential part of everyday life at FOS. “Just being able to make a difference in the lives of young kids is really important to me, and FOS definitely makes that possible.” When asked to reflect on her experiences in one word, Leong chose: rewarding.
Mattea Cifrek and Christopher Sit, two lead tutors who have been at FOS for over a year each, added their experiences to the mix. Sit described FOS as “a no-barriers program, so everything is free for the students who join, we don’t reject students, we don’t turn down anyone.” Sit described FOS as slightly different from a common tutoring program. “Whenever we mention what a tutor is, people have an idea that it’s a very one-on-one sit-down with them.” Sit added, “I think we are that but also a lot more than that. The idea is to provide tutoring but also a place to be.” Cifrek described it as providing “a safe space” for newcomer students after school. Cifrek mentioned that when working with other tutors, despite their differences, they share the same goal of “creating a positive and welcoming environment.” Lead tutors play a crucial role in coordinating daily plans for FOS’ sessions. As both Sit and Cirfek explained, lead tutors set semesterly schedules, assign tasks, consult with teams, write reports, and organize roundtable talks to gather feedback on issues like classroom management. Chris also said his experiences were “rewarding,” while Mattea similarly opted for “fulfilling.”
A key in FOS’ significance to SFU and the local education scene is its ability to build a community. While the program achieves this aim on a daily basis, the annual field trips to SFU really showcase the spirit of the community. I talked to Sunnie Kim, Elise Chan, and Dominion Sam, co-organizers of this year’s trip, to briefly comment on the significance of these events. “We want students to see themselves in university, or post-secondary institutions in the future because many of them are newcomers.” Chan added that exposing students to seeing their tutors in their own element on campus is a big reason why these field trips happen. Sam also said these field trips “are a way to celebrate the last two semesters of tutoring” and “just enjoy being with each other.”
Kim spoke to the impact of last year’s field trip: “having 16 schools altogether with all these students from different places, it just felt like it was just coming together and celebrating that we are a big community.” From a collaboration with the SFU women’s soccer team to the pizza lunch, the trip was full of meaningful moments. Kim had one particular memory, “When I saw my high school site, I could tell they were wearing their best outfits, they were talking about university and going to SFU — it was a lot of inspiring moments.” Chan agreed with Kim, saying that both tutors and students had a lot of fun. “I was a newcomer four years ago, I came here when I was in grade 11. I actually wish I could [have been] at FOS and got to experience the field trip.”
With such testimonies, it was no wonder then that when asked to choose one word to describe FOS, Cojocaru went for “community” — several other members holding similar views. The good news is that this community of tutors and educators is always hiring, so give @sfu_fos a follow on Instagram and stay tuned for more hiring drives.
Police presence outside Downtown Eastside harm reduction sites sparks concerns
By: Zainab Salam, Staff Writer and Hannah Fraser, News Editor
Healthcare workers and patrons in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside (DTES) are voicing concerns that the Vancouver Police Department (VPD) is “deterring access to harm reduction sites.” Harm reduction is an “evidence-based approach to care” that minimizes harms by “preventing infections, illness, and injury related to drug use and sexual practices.”
According to a press release from the organization Police Oversight With Evidence and Research (POWER), police presence has significantly increased near harm reduction sites. POWER defines itself as a “community-led response to unaccountable institutions.”
VPD officers have been observed “parking and lingering directly outside safe consumption and healthcare sites,” allegedly violating a long-standing informal agreement between the VPD and Insite, Vancouver’s supervised injection site. POWER also claimed there is an agreement to “not enforce drug possession laws directly outside of Insite’s premises.” This contradicts VPD spokesperson Sergeant Steve Addison’s recent claim to The Tyee that there is no policy — informal or formal — “about officers parking out front of harm reduction sites.”
Caitlin Shane, a legal advocate with the DTES human rights organization Pivot Legal Society, has been seeking clarity about this issue for years. In 2022, she directly contacted the VPD and was informed that the informal policy discouraging officers from blocking access existed, but it was not going to be formalized unless a complaint was filed.
The VPD said they are currently focusing on public safety in the DTES through increased police visibility and enforcement with their Task Force Barrage. However, healthcare providers and patrons worry that this presence could discourage individuals from accessing critical health services.
“This is a situation that we’ve been hearing about for years in terms of police loitering outside of sites, but definitely in the last couple of months, we’ve received an influx in reports from patrons and service providers.” — Caitlin Shane, legal advocate, Pivot Legal Society
Shane said that when police presence deters individuals from accessing harm reduction sites, they are “more likely to be using drugs alone or in back alleys, or without sterile injection equipment.” She added, “When people don’t have access to these sites, they’re less able to engage in risk mitigation strategies, like using an overdose prevention site or getting sterile equipment, or having someone witness them in the event of an overdose.
“We can’t take risks like this. We need to ensure that people are getting the services that they need,” she said. “The reason why we need formalized policies is precisely so that we don’t end up in a situation like this.”
Pivot Legal Society works closely with marginalized communities to ensure their legal rights are protected. The Supreme Court of Canada has provided a legal right for individuals possessing drugs to access harm reduction sites without facing prosecution under criminal drug laws. “This is a situation that we’ve been hearing about for years in terms of police loitering outside of sites,” said Shane. “But definitely in the last couple of months, we’ve received an influx in reports from patrons and service providers.
A study by the British Columbia Centre for Disease Control published in 2019 estimated that harm reduction interventions, including supervised consumption sites, averted about 3,030 overdose deaths in the province between April 2016 and December 2017. The program also estimated that “82% of all death events were prevented with the Take Home Naloxone program, witnessed consumption sites, and opioid agonist treatment from January 2019 to October 2024.” These sites also serve as accessible entry points to broader healthcare services, including “testing for sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections, mental health care, and social services and supports.”
“It’s very confusing. We’re getting mixed messages from the VPD, and it’s our belief that this is probably the most dangerous time historically to be sending mixed messages to people about what to expect when accessing a harm reduction site,” Shane expressed. A 2024 study published by BMC Medicine stated that overdoses are “the leading cause of death in BC for people aged 10–59.” CBC reported that there were “more than 2,500 deaths in 2023” related to this.
The Peak did not receive a response from the VPD by the publication deadline.
Parents 4 Palestine rally for the Nakba to be taught in schools
By: Corbett Gildersleve, News Writer
On May 10, youth, teachers, and parents from Parents 4 Palestine Vancouver rallied at Grandview Park about the need to include Palestinian history in the BC curriculum. Around 75–100 people gathered with Palestinian flags, signs, and banners, listening to opening speeches by organizers and a young Palestinian girl who also led people in practice chants. The group also marched down Commercial Drive to Queen Victoria Annex Elementary.
The Nakba — meaning “catastrophe” — refers to the history of “mass displacement and dispossession” of “more than half of the Palestinian population” from their homes and land as of the 1948 Arab-Israeli war. 77 years later, the United Nations Relief and Works Agency for Palestine Refugees (UNRWA) estimates that more than five million Palestinian refugees exist across the Middle East, reflecting the “ongoing injustice suffered by the Palestinians.” In December 1948, the UN General Assembly passed a resolution calling for the refugees to return to their homes and receive compensation and property restitution. However, Palestinians have been continually denied these things to the present day.
“We need to understand the truth — the truth about our history and especially as it connects today — to understand what’s going on in the Middle East.” — Nicole Spencer, organizer, Parents 4 Palestine
The Peak attended the rally and interviewed Nicole Spencer, a Parents 4 Palestine Vancouver organizer and member of Independent Jewish Voices, to learn more about the group’s demands. Spencer stated that since last year, Parents 4 Palestine Vancouver has advocated for this history to be taught. Their petition, through Action Network, specifically calls on the BC Ministry of Education and Child Care to include the Nakba in social studies classes in public school curricula. The petition notes that “students are asking critical questions — but classrooms lack the historical context needed to answer,” and teachers lack the tools to do so. Spencer added, “We need to understand the truth — the truth about our history and especially as it connects today — to understand what’s going on in the Middle East.”
The ministry told The Peak that between April and June 2024, they “held several engagement meetings with community groups and education partners.” After receiving feedback, such as to include the creation of Israel and Palestinian genocide in schools, the ministry stated they “will expand the grade 10 social studies curriculum in the 2025–26 school year,” focusing more “on discriminatory policies and injustices to racialized and marginalized groups in BC and around the world.” They also stated that teachers “have the professional autonomy to teach topics that fit within the curriculum.”
When asked if there’s a risk to the Nakba not being taught, Spencer said, “Absolutely, of misinformation, that people don’t know the reality of what’s happening, and that’s dangerous because we see the danger and the violence that’s happening right now.” Spencer highlighted that she didn’t learn about residential schools when she was younger, but is grateful that her children learn about it now. With the petition asking for an elementary and secondary school curriculum change, Spencer spoke about age-appropriate ways to learn about Palestine’s history and the impacts of the Nakba. One example they gave was Homeland: My Father Dreams of Palestine, written by Hannah Moushabeck and illustrated by Reem Madooh. This illustrated autobiographical book, meant for ages 4–8, tells of a father recalling his memories of the old city of Jerusalem to his three daughters. It is a place “they cannot visit,” but “will always return” to through his memory.
“It’s important for me to know what happened to my people, because I want to feel proud, and I want everyone in school to know what Palestine is.” — Palestinian child at the rally
When asked about people being concerned that the Nakba is too heavy for young kids, Spencer said, “We have to recognize how skilled educators are at knowing how to teach these things in a way that’s safe for everyone.” For instance, with regards to residential schools, teachers can use resources provided by the First Nations Education Steering Committee for grades 5, 10, 11, and 12 to teach their students.
The march from Grandview Park was energetic, with regular chants led by Palestinian youth. These chants ranged from “BC government hear our call, teach the Nakba to us all!” and “Teach, teach Palestine!” to “We don’t want no two-state, take us back to ‘48!” Their chants also included “One, two, three, four, genocide is not a war!” along with calls for a free Palestine. The march was escorted by Vancouver police, who blocked off traffic at intersections. When the marchers arrived at the elementary school, tents were set up for kid activities, including buttonmaking, face painting, and snacks.
Additional speakers read youth-written poems, shared their experiences as teachers, Jews, and Palestinians. A Palestinian child shared, “It’s important for the world to know about Palestine because it happened to my family. It’s important for me to know what happened to my people because I want to feel proud, and I want everyone in school to know what Palestine is. Then they will help, they will speak up, and one day Palestine will be free, if we teach one kid at a time about Palestine.”
India’s Operation Sindoor glorifies the murder of innocent people
By: Yildiz Subuk, Staff Writer
Content warning: mentions of war, terrorism, and genocide.
Operation Sindoor, a military operation executed on May 7 by the Indian government, disguised murder as a “noble” act. The operation was a response to the catastrophic April 22 terrorist attack that killed 26 civilians in the Indian–occupied Pahalgam in Kashmir. Kashmir is a region in the Indian subcontinent. It is also occupied by Pakistan and China. Disputes over the land have been an ongoing source of tension between India and Pakistan since their partition in 1947. Kashmiris have continually asserted their independence.
The Indian military claimed Operation Sindoor was to dismantle the terrorist groups responsible for the Pahalgam attack, and that it was targeting nine terrorist bases in Pakistan and Pakistani-controlled areas in Kashmir. However, they bombed mosques and killed at least 31 civilians, including children, and injured at least 57. They painted it as a success and celebrated its completion, as if the innocent lives of Pakistanis don’t matter.
The Pahalgam attack struck sadness, anger, and anxiety for what the tension between two nuclear-backed enemies would mean for the future. A war between India and Pakistan would mean countless more deaths, and people were rightfully scared. It is unclear whether the groups responsible for the attack were backed by or connected to Pakistan, though Pakistan denies they were. India hastily struck Pakistan without a neutral investigation, and with carelessness for innocent lives. Conveniently, the high emotions of the Indian population were further appropriated to justify India’s destructive mission.
They bombed mosques and killed at least 31 civilians, including children.
The name of the operation itself carries symbolic value that narrate the operation as a heroic response. Sindoor is a red powder placed on the forehead of married Hindu women. The sindoor is erased once a woman becomes widowed. The traditional practice has been co-opted by the military to signify that this operation was to avenge the women whose husbands were killed in the Pahalgam attack. The video posted on Instagram by the Indian military shows a bowl with the red powder being spilled, resembling blood. The video also dramatizes the Indian army’s military procedure, with the hashtag #JusticeServed.
The Hindustan Times claimed the military dismantled “terror camps,” while The New Indian Express said the story of the operation had successes to it. The Pahalgam attack went after Hindu men, so using Hindu symbolism to launch a retaliation becomes vital when playing on the public’s emotions.
The rhetoric surrounding Operation Sindoor mirrors what Israel used after the October 7 attack in 2023. Israel claimed to be using self defense and targeting Hamas in its attacks. However, they bombed public places where civilians, women, and children were, including mosques, schools, and hospitals. Israel used the attack to their advantage to carry out the ongoing genocide. Many mainstream publications framed the deaths of innocent Palestinians as incidental, deflecting Israel’s responsibility by using language like “caught in the crossfire.” While the power dynamics involved in both issues are separate in that Israel occupies Palestine, both Israel and India depended on a similar violent rhetoric of dehumanization to sweep aside needless murder as self-defense.
India and Israel are both run by right-wing ethno-nationalist extremist parties. India had opposed the creation of the state of Israel, but in recent years, India and Israel have strengthened their ties as Indian Prime Minster Narendra Modi has popularized Hindu Nationalism. Modi was the first Indian Prime Minister to visit Israel, in 2017. It’s clear India’s Bharatiya Janata Party is following their playbook. Operation Sindoor was not conducted as a necessary defense measure, or a noble cause, but as an act of terrorism itself.
The Peak investigates: Mayonnaise mayhem
By: Sarah Sorochuk, Investigative Journalist
Dollar Tree has been caught selling squeeze bottles of mayonnaise for 25 cents a jar. What’s the reason? The scoop, or rather the spread, is within spoon’s reach. People have been making up their own theories on multiple subreddits, yet none make any sense.
After countless hours of hard work and eating mayonnaise with our fingers (hey, method acting exists for journalism too), The Peak’s investigative news team has come up with the most reasonable explanations for this phenomenon.
- Misclick mistake
When going through inventory, one employee noticed all the shelves that held mayonnaise were empty, along with all storage shelving in the back. So, they took charge of the digital ordering program. When inputting the amount to order rather than selecting 50, they misclicked, adding a few extra zeros. Totalling the order to 5,000 mayonnaise bottles — the store had no choice but to price ‘em cheap.
Was it a rookie mistake? Or perhaps a severe mayonnaise craving from a hungry employee? No whistleblowers have spoken out yet.
2. Trending #MayoNeighs
A couple of social media influencers on my very niche TikTok feed have cancelled mayonnaise brands for their “unethical” ingredients. The most popular #MayoNeigh? Seed oils. Influencers are ditching canola and making homemade mayonnaise from a mixture of raw milk, captured rain water from Côte d’Ivoire, and a single tear from a fossilized cow from 1300 BC. Oh, and don’t forget the beef tallow.
This could have resulted in retailers being unable to sell any mayonnaise, let alone give it away for free. Once again, they would have to price ‘em cheap.
3. Crimes against Dollar Tree
Teenagers have been finding that the easiest stores to rob are union-busting companies that sell cheap products. These teens of terror have begun taking over Dollar Tree locations one by one. To put an end to this crisis, Dollar Tree employees have designed a trap for these hooligans. One that sells mayonnaise as the cheapest product that they could steal.
When they eventually take a lick of the mayo (because all thieves sample the product before they leave the premises) and collapse in disgust, enter the TransLink Transit Police to save the day. Don’t ask why they’re there, they don’t know either. What a cool sting operation.
4. Favouritism . . .
In recent days it has come out that the founder of Dollar Tree loved his mayonnaise. So, in honour of his memory, each store has decided to reduce the price of mayonnaise, thereby raising awareness for starting a new global holiday — Mayo Day. The goal of this price drop is to encourage shoppers to buy mayo more frequently and to respark a lost love for condiments. Ketchup has too much love coming its way and it’s time to make a change. Spread the love, not rotten tomatoes.
5. Stating the obvious . . . Or is it?
Or if you don’t believe any of these reasons, then you can always assume the mayo they reduced was near or well past its expiry date . . . But to any other person you have to know that this is the least realistic!
Well, another one bites the dust, SFU. If you enjoyed this super cool investigation and want to see more, please e-transfer me $10. Investigative reporter out.
If you have any investigative tips for The Peak, please buy $10,000 worth of gift cards, write the tip on the back, and mail it to us.
This week at SFU
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik
McFogg–themed LARPing extravaganza
Saturday, May 31, 5:00 p.m.
A middle place between world and time (the small patch of woods behind the softball field)
Cost: Free, as long as you come in costume
LARPing, or live–action role–playing for those not in the know, is the activity of dressing up and acting out scenarios and worlds involving usually fictional characters. For this event, take inspiration from our beloved mascot that once was, McFogg. Pull inspiration from Scottish lore, the world of canines, or both.
SFU prison experiment
Content warning: Mentions of forced confinement.
Monday, June 2, 12:00 p.m.–Monday, June 16, 12:00 p.m.
Saywell Hall basement
Cost: Your free will
Got nothing to do this summer? Why not spend two weeks in a dimly lit basement either locked behind bars or berating fellow students, all in the name of research? SFU psychology students are running their own rendition of the Stanford Prison Experiment right here on campus. Don’t worry, proper precautions have been taken this time to ensure that mistakes of the past are not repeated. For example, each participant will receive a $5 Tim Horton’s gift card to offset any trauma.
Grand delayed opening ceremony for SFU pool (fourth time this has been held)
Thursday, June 5, 8:00 a.m. (scheduled to change if the event is delayed for the 100,000th time)
Anywhere but the pool
Cost: $10
Originally slated to open sooner, SFU’s pool is now on track to be ready for summer 2026. To celebrate this milestone, SFU athletics will be holding a ceremony. Festivities will take place in the gravel lot, with a kiddie pool and non-complimentary hotdogs — while supplies last. “The funds from the ceremony will go straight towards the pool,” said Yorn Evarswimming, head of the project. “We would have been done sooner, but there was a little mix up and we were told to build the pool at Mayor Sim’s mansion. So we’ve kind of had to start over, but we’ll get there.”
Bus karaoke with Joy Johnson
Friday, June 6, 5:01 a.m–12:44 a.m.
The R5
Cost: “Free” with Compass Card, $173 without
President Joy Johnson will be riding the R5 to and from campus all day Friday, so join for some bus karaoke!* Pick your own song or choose from a list of her favourites, including Nickelback’s “San Quentin.”
*Please note, The Peak is not liable for any injury resulting from unwanting, helpless passengers just trying to get to work.
*Failure to sing the words to your song correctly may result in a 2% tuition increase.
