By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer

Nothing says early 2000s like borrowing your parents’ bogged-down desktop to use a sketchy music downloading platform and illegally download your favourite chart-topping jams. Are you even a music fanatic if you didn’t at least attempt to download thousands of songs and create some random playlist titled “[Your name]’s Tunes”? You spent countless hours curating a playlist long enough to get you through the entirety of your childhood and angsty teenage years, didn’t you? Cassettes, vinyl records, and the good, ol’ compact disc have nothing on you. A boombox? That’s so ‘90s — get with the times already!

Let me set the scene for you:

The year is 2006. You just received a hand-me-down mp3 player from your mom’s, second cousin’s, friend’s, neighbour’s, daughter for free! Forget scrolling through pages of Craigslist ads to find the best deal. Instead, your mom made half a dozen phone calls via landline as you impatiently waited for the news. You’re dreaming about blasting the latest radio hits through a big pair of Sony headphones connected to your newly used magical music player as you make a mental note of all the songs you can’t wait to illegally download — also for free, because who wants to spend money? Oh, please, you’re totally saving up all your chore money for an iPod, aren’t you?

The day has come. Your mp3 is finally in your hands and ready to be loaded with minutes of illegal activity — and by that, I mean, the sketchiest LimeWire downloads known to music downloaders near and far. You’re beaming with the excitement of piling jam after jam onto your knock-off mp3 that clearly can’t stand a chance to the snazzy new iPods of the day. Regardless, you’ll take what you can get, knowing an upgrade is just a few chore’s savings away.

Doing a quick Google search of LimeWire and finally clicking on the site is the most exhilarating moment in your life until . . . bam! Your screen goes blank and your parents’ old desktop —  that was running smoothly up until this moment in time — suddenly crashes out of the blue, alongside all the outrageous ads that pop-up everywhere.

You panic. What happened? What have you done? The only cure to this problem is . . . drumroll please . . . FrostWire. Sure, it won’t bring the poor computer back, but it likely won’t crash the next one. Or will it? There’s only one way to find out. 

This time, you cross your fingers in hopes of a successful outcome. How difficult is it to get some catchy tunes on your mp3 where they’ll live for the rest of eternity? 

Hold your breath now . . . success! It’s in this moment you know FrostWire is the antidote. You, my friend, are a seasoned music-downloading, playlist-making expert who knows your way around unsuccessfully avoiding the unwanted viruses that came alongside LimeWire, and supposedly curing your problem with a snazzy little upgrade to the frosty side of things. Turn that volume up to 10 and rock on!

By: Kelly Chia, Emo-in-Chief

“Servant of Evil” by Kagamine Len. A must-listen saga of loyalty, heartbreak, and . . . dun dun duuun!!!! Sins! You better cry when you listen, or I’ll haunt you! You obviously also have to listen to the rest of the Evillious Saga but it’s . . . still going after a decade. So good luck! 

By: Petra Chase, Arts & Culture Editor

“La La Land” by Demi Lovato. Lovato’s radical defiance of Hollywood (the brave act of wearing Converse with a dress), takes me back to the blissful days as an eight-year-old misfit wearing the same outfit. The lyric was totally not an ad, even if the song mobilized listeners to beg their parents for a pair. Nothing hits quite like the catchy melody that leads to her boisterous proclamation, “Baby, that’s just me!”

By: Isabella Urbani, Sports Editor 

“Numb” by Linkin Park. I have a vivid memory of listening to this song in a packed car on the way to Red Robins. The music was turned all the way up so everyone could hear what I was listening to and think, “damn, little missy, are you okay???” No radio on in the car. Just awkward silence, and second-hand listening to Linkin Park. 

By: Hailey Miller, Staff Writer 

Curating a hand-crafted playlist is unparalleled to any other childhood pastime growing up in the 2000s. Move over, burned CDs to blast in the car stereo, hello iPod shuffle that never quite shuffles right and remains on the same dozen songs every time you press play. From Britney Spears’ biggest hits to Jimmy Eat World’s absolute banger “The Middle” that blew every speaker in the 2000s pop-punk-rock universe, how could we forget the iconic hits that shaped our childhood and beyond? Let’s not forget Metro Station’s one-hit-wonder that made every commercial on Family Channel seriously “Shake It.” That shuffle button was surely bound to get stuck somewhere between album and song repeats.  

On summer road trips as a child, my parents would burn CDs to listen to on long journeys. Holiday by Green Day would always make the cut, and I remember vividly bouncing my feet up and down in my little booster seat, rocking out. This is a special nod to the movie Surfs Up (2007), which features this bop at the film’s beginning. 

By: Eden Chipperfield, News Writer

For the rock gods:
“Underneath It All” by No Doubt (2001)
“Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes (2003)
“Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day (2004)
“Mr. Brightside” by The Killers (2004)
“Dani California” by Red Hot Chili Peppers (2006)

For the wannabe popstars:
“Fallin’” by Alicia Keys (2001)
“Toxic” by Britney Spears (2003)
“Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson (2004)
“So What” by P!NK (2008)
“I Gotta Feeling” by The Black Eyed Peas (2009)

For the country lovers: 
I’m Gonna Getcha Good! by Shania Twain (2002)
“Days Go By” by Keith Urban (2004)
“Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)” by Big & Rich (2004)
“Not Ready to Make Nice” by The Chicks (2006)
“What Hurts the Most” by Rascal Flatts (2006)

For the punk heads:
“Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus (2000)
“Fat Lip” by Sum 41 (2001)
“Complicated” by Avril Lavigne (2002)
“Welcome to the Black Parade” by My Chemical Romance (2006)
“Misery Business” by Paramore (2007)

For the wordy rappers:
“The Real Slim Shady” by Eminem (2000)
“Public Service Announcement” by Jay-Z (2003)
“Hey Ya!” by Outkast (2003)
“Best I Ever Had” by Drake (2009)
“Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys (2009)

For the Disney soundtrack fanatics: 
The Cheetah Girls (2003)
High School Musical (2006)
Camp Rock (2008)
Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009)

By: shy_kelly

Welcome back to another lonely makeup tutorial, broken hearts!i! Today, I am going to show you a lewk to mimic your inner soul . . . rawr xD! Make sure to put on some Paramore and get in touch with your teenage dirtbag cuz it’s about to get real. 

xx step one: the eyes are the window to my black soul xx

Take a black pencil liner and go over the top of your eyelids, making sure to go over the crease. You want to look like you have NO eyelids, just darkness. You can blend it out with a fluffy brush but I just use my finger because I think it makes it look more real. Make sure you also go over the bottom of your eye, too, I like to use liquid eyeliner here. This is because sometimes I blink and it looks like black tears which totally rox!!! 

Then apply da mascara! Long spiky black lashes are best. For an extra touch I like to shave the ends of my eyebrows to make them super thin, then draw them in with black liner. 

xx step two: skin xx

Did you know . . . o_o the skin is the biggest organ?!? You have to take care of it. For this lewk I will be using foundation but I think it is optional. Just go with what feels right that day. The eyes are the focus.

xx step three: DA HAAAAAAAIR xx

Here’s where you will want to take your hair and straighten it. The key here is lots and lots and lots of hairspray and a comb willing to go through your emo nest. You have to tease and tease and tease to make your hair poofy. Make sure you do this over your bangs so you can use your hair to be mysterious and cover your eyes :3 

Bonus tip: To complete the look, dye your hair black, but leave space so you can add in blue or read streaks. 

Now your lewk is all done!!!! Wear it with a black choker, chunky belts, some fingerless gloves and you are ready to go out to hell (AKA: the world) . . . we have cookies. 

By: Olivia Visser, Copy Editor

The early 2000s were a time of self-exploration and digital innovation. During a period when GIFs were still being popularized and integrated into social media sites, something as basic as a poorly-rendered dancing baby somehow revolutionized pop culture. No one is claiming mainstream memes from this period were cool by any means, but were they top tier? Sort of. Let’s be honest, substance or relatability wasn’t really a priority at the time. We were still clearly astonished with our newfound ability to layer white text over images. Even though you likely haven’t thought about these memes for 10 years, people with too much money on their hands will now pay for publicly available nostalgia. These four memes you’ve likely long-forgotten about were unfortunate contributors to the hellspawns that are NFTs.

Charlie Bit My Finger!
Meme-ability: 4/10
Chuckle factor: 6/10
Relevancy ranking: 0/10 (became obsolete while making room for GIFS of every The Office line ever spoken)

Kids are cute sometimes. Therefore, videos of kids are sometimes cute. It’s no surprise the YouTube video “Charlie bit my finger!” became a hit in 2007. This was back when YouTube only had four other videos on their site: that Daft Hands “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” video, something by that insufferable screaming child who doesn’t deserve to be named, Leave Britney Alone, and the earliest modern example of erotica, The Gummy Bear Song. We have since learned what children are, and lost the need for the rather bland video in question. Anyway, these kids did not put their toddler stardom to good use, and have since sold the meme as an NFT for nearly a million dollars. Sure, I may not respect the hustle only because I want the money for myself, but laughing at people who buy or sell NFTs is just so cathartic. Charlie, what happened to you!?

Nyan Cat
Meme-ability: 7/10
Chuckle Factor: 2/10
Multi-functionality as both a pet and apocalypse meal: 10/10

People like cats. People like Pop-Tarts. Combine two totally unrelated things in 2011 and you’ll get a highly meme-able work of art. Nyan Cat was the culmination of a particular series of obsessions with bright colours and rainbows, cats, and snack food. The meme also sold for six-figures on the crypto market in 2021. While selling out is always disappointing, we can still appreciate the innovation that was a half-snack half-pet companion. Nyan Cat gives Doge a run for his money, especially in any apocalypse scenario.  

I can has cheezburger?
Meme-ability: 5/10
Chuckle factor: 3/10
Respectability rating: 0/10

This meme style is frankly the worst. I am ashamed to have perused “cheezburger” memes as a child, and even more ashamed at my attempt to create one when I was ten. Uninspired and unoriginal, the creator really stepped it up with the trendy “bad grammar + cat + random food item = funny” shtick — and still managed to be unfunny. In 2007. He’s since developed an NFT collection which features some of his most famous memes, though it appears he’s only drawn a measly profit. To call “I can has cheezburger?” iconic would be a gross misuse of the term, but still, everyone has their thing.

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat
Meme-ability: 7/10
Chuckle factor: 9/10
Immortality integer: Incalculable

All cats go to heaven, and Keyboard Cat was born with a reservation. The infamous video was actually recorded in 1984, the same year our beloved feline went to the scratching post in the sky. It wasn’t until 2007 that we were graced by his presence on the World Wide Web. Though dearly missed, Keyboard Cat’s musical aptitude was immediately recognized by internet users as one-of-a-kind. Before 1984, only humans could play piano. Keyboard cat challenged our understanding of mammalian evolution, leading scientists and book-lovers alike to believe this is what George Orwell was writing about in his book, 1984. Keyboard cat, I respect you too much to even Google if you have a custom NFT. Take that, Charlie. 

By: Kaja Antic, Sports Writer

Dear Moshi Monstrs,

My name is Kaja or canuckgurl17. I mad a freind on your website becaus they came to my monstr Poppies house. I am very carful when I maek friensd but I want to be nice because my brothr said im mean. My friend has a name, novalight34, and they where gray. 

We were talkng on my messag bored and playd some games togethrer, like monstr dance and spy game. We had difrent moshlings and talkd abuot seeds and I belivd we where friends but I gess we our not.

My frien Nova askd me for my passwrd, and they gave me there’s. When I loged into her acount I playd for a small tim but than I tryed to get to my acount and it didnt work! I am vry sad!

I workd veri hard to get mt friends Jeepers, Flumpy, nd Fify, and was working very hard to get Snookoms and now I cant. 

I miss my messig bord. I miss my AKSHule freinds like Maknzee and Nia and Ryain. I miss my moshling. I miss my Dustbin Beever postr. I miss moshi monstr.

My mom said I did this bad thing and I cryed. She said nova was liening becaus I was a membr and they wanted the membr itims for there self.

Plees help me Moshi Monstrs, your my only hop3.

Love, 

Kaja

xoxo

PS my passwurd was keslerburrows

PPS I am going to club pengwin and webkinz if you donet fix this.

By: Isabella Urbani, Sports Editor

Heyyyyyy peeps! Here’s ~ chapter One ~ of my FIRST EVR story MY immortal. Remember to coment and let me kno if u want a 2nd chapter. ILL post it Tom unless something wild happens lolllllll :)))))))) OK BYE ENJOYYY — SFU_bookworm

Y/N rushes through the Academic Quadrilateral with her book bog that her parents gath her in hand. She was late because she was runing late to her first class at SFU. 

It didnt help that everyone kept stooping her along the way to take pictures of her bag. You see, shes kind of a big deel. I’ll let her explain why. 

Y/N’s POV: 

Im kind of a big deel. This bag is the same bag my parents had when they defeated the old skool president and turned them into the avocado statue. Wiiiiicked, right?!! 

I was nocked out of my thoughts (literally) by what felt like the hardest wall I’d ever felt in my life. It turned out to be a biger problem than that. 

“Ughhhhhhh,” I groan in pain as I roll over on the floor. “What was that 4!” 

“Sorry!” The person says reaching down to help me up. They pick me up in one swoop, placing me upright on the floor. 

Wow, I  say. Their super strong. 

 “I work out,” they replied sheepishly, before BAAAA’ing. 

Naturally, I BAAAA’ed back. 

Once that exchange was over, I said “oh my gosh I can’t believe I said that out loud. How embarrassing!” (Posing with one hand on my chin and a finger pointed in the air for emfasis). Emfasis is my best friend. 

Speaking of Emfasis, they were holding onto a seat for me in class! 

“Shoot,” I say. “I have to skedaddle!”

“Wait,” the mysterious man says. “What about your bag, my queen!?” 

Queen? That was new, I thought. 

“Keep it! I have a feeling we’ll meet again,” I say, showing him my best smoulder and shoulder (it’s the right one). 

As I turn around, I collide with something again!!!! What could it be now! 

“Woah there, watch where you’re going,” the wall said. The wall was none other than DRAYCONE MOUTHFULL. I know because he’s the headmaster’s son! We’re sworn enemies! After my parents defeated the old headmaster by . . . Idk actually, but they did something . . . the new headmaster took over and swore that they would get revenge on our family. 

I had to apply with a different name to get in! I hope he doesn’t somehow recognize me or I’ll be toast (burnt toast to be specific).

I stare up at him from the ground. Typical, he isn’t going to help me up like the other guy did. How glad I am that I don’t have my bag. I just need to get up and make a break for it! 

“OIIIIII” he says. “Did you not hear what I said? I said where do you think you’re going? The Academic Quilt is huge. Better answer fast before I tell the headmaster about this.” 

Not the headmaster, I think! It’s only my first day! But what if he recognizes my angelic voice? Shoot. I have to think fast. 

“HEY DRAYCONE! Why don’t you leave her alone!” Someone shouted. Not just someone. It was the same guy from before! 

He came back for me! 

Why don’t you can it AIRY PUTTER?” Said DRAYCONE. 

Airy putter. So that’s his name. Cool. 

“I will once you leave my girlfriend alone.” 

Gurlfriend! Did he just call me his girlfriend? 

“Girlfriend?” Says DRAYCONE. “Nice going there, but there’s no way anyone would be your girlfriend. Especially not a girl as prtty as this,” he sees staring into my eyes with his stony blue ones, unblinking. 

“Hey, don’t stare at her like that,” says AIRY standing in front of me. 

“What you going to do about it AIRY?” Says DRAYCONE, pushing a finger into his chest. 

GULP. WhT was I going to do? Should I speak up and risk DRAYCONE finding out it’s me? Or do I leave AIRY who was so nice when we met. What did he mean I was his girlfriend! 

I should have made a break for it. But, I couldn’t. Something in my heart was keeping me glued to the spot. I just couldn’t tell who I was more interested in. AIRY OR DRAYCONE. But I knew it was time to speak up . . . 

IN CHAPTER TOO OF MY IMMORTAL!!!! 

THE STORY HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED BECAUSE MY MOM FOUND MY PAGE :((((( THX FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT — SFU_bookworm

By: Olivia Sherman, News Writer

May 4, 2014

An overly ambitious convention organized by a dedicated few turns from fan devotion to pandemonium after a series of detrimental incidents occurred at the event. PeakCon 2014 was supposed to be an action-packed, three-day weekend of panels and fun for The Peak’s most dedicated fans, spanning from the Humour Section fandom, to guest speakers from the Opinions panel, and special appearances from the Sports section. 

Attendees buzzed with excitement over these panels from their favourite fandoms, as well as guaranteed time in a highly-anticipated rock climbing wall, and a computer lab with high-speed Wi-Fi to submit last-minute articles to their section editors. The PeakCon attendees were to be accommodated in downtown Vancouver’s Marriott Hotel. 

However, of the 5,000 registered attendees, only 500 arrived at the convention. With the deposit for the Marriott Hotel unpaid due to a lack of door sales, the hotel requested the bill be paid in full immediately, racking up to the thousands. One organizer of PeakCon, who requested to remain anonymous, stated the volunteer PeakCon staff were instructed to ask for donations from those who did attend the event. “It’s not like I’m being paid for this,” the staff member stated. “First the TA strikes, and now this?”

Due to a lack of attendees, as well as the event’s poor overall planning, panellists began dropping out of the convention lineup. “To make up for that, we gave guests extra time on the rock-climbing wall,” the anonymous staff member said. “We eventually had to take that away. They didn’t give me a reason.”

Attendees were disappointed that the promised computer lab was a singular desktop with a mouse that was out of batteries. However, because of the thick, concrete walls and high ceilings of the Marriott Hotel ballroom, guests in the lineup said the Wi-Fi connection was similar enough to the internet connection at SFU Burnaby campus, and they felt at home. 

Despite hundreds of rooms at the Marriott Hotel being vacant, the hotel room mini-bars were found mysteriously empty. The vendors, selling their merchandise and artwork, packed away their wares because everyone had spent their cash on keeping the convention open another day. By the second day of the three-day convention, PeakCon was abandoned. 

“We intend to learn from our mistakes to make 2015 even better,” an anonymous organizer said. The Marriott Hotel Vancouver did not respond for comment on whether they will welcome PeakCon back in the future.