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Woohoo, Boohoo

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Photo Credit: HuffingtonPost

Woohoo: Foot fetish

Many people place the ‘pervy,’ ‘gross,’ ‘weird,’ even ‘criminal’ labels on those who have sexual fetishes. In reality, there isn’t anything wrong with having gratification from certain ‘creative’ intimate desires. Feet seem to be the most prominent (or at least the most discussed!) fetish out there, and yeah, some people find feet hot! Many other harmless fetishes can be hot, too — depending on what type of thing you’re into. Nothing like a little toe-time in bed to spice up your sex life, amirite?

Boohoo: Poop fetish

Yeah, that Cleveland Steamer stuff? (Look it up, I dare you.) Not my deal. This fetish is seriously beyond me; the fact that someone can be intimate with a turd throws my gag reflexes into full force, and has me questioning what it means to be human. Not to mention, the serious illnesses someone could pick up from rolling around in bed with their mud bunny are enough to turn someone off of sex for a reaaally long time. Keep Mr. Hanky in the toilet, guys.


 

Woohoo: “Talk dirty to me, baby.”

Words are sexy! A few intimate words in someone’s ear can really heat up the mood and enhance somebody’s sex drive. Dirty talk has a romantic and pleasurable strength in adding personality to your hot night in the sack. Most people think that dirty talk has to be taken to the extreme, though it can just let you step out of your comfort zone a little further, and perhaps give yourself the courage to take on a dominant role during sex.

Boohoo: “Shut up and let’s fuck!”

My apologies, but if we’re going to do the whole ‘throw some one on the bed, wrench open those legs, and wail through the nasty as fast as we can,’ then I’m not interested. Pornhub should not be your sexual ‘go-to’ manual. Sure, things can get a little rough, but ultimately the birds and the bees should not equate to practically ripping someone’s body in half. Let’s put some real pleasure and intimacy back into sex, please.


Woohoo: Naked sushi

Wow, and I thought a sushi dinner by itself was enough to turn me on! Now, I’m being served dynamite rolls and sashimi (on a platter) on a naked human body. Albeit a bit odd, the presentation is curvy and sensual; a unique way rev up a sizzling night with your significant other. By the way, naked sushi is now in Vancouver! Get me on that train.

Boohoo: Chocolate fondue

Licking streams of chocolate sauce off exposed human skin? Maybe I’ll pass. What a sloppy, unsanitary mess reminiscent of a 2 Girls 1 Cup scenario. I don’t care if it tastes good, I’d like to be able to enjoy myself without having to worry about choking on my dessert toppings, or afterwards, washing out chocolate in places where it would literally never be otherwise. Awkward. . .


 

Woohoo: A tipsy night

Oh those crazy, early college years! More of us than I’d care to admit have probably encountered a night of getting a little frisky after a drink or two. We’re both single. We’re both buzzed. We’ve just graduated high school; let’s be honest, sex is all we think about! It’s time to live up our prime! Afterwards we can joke and exaggerate the story about what a rompin’ party it was. A couple beers or shots can finish a hot date with a bang, if you get my drift.

Boohoo: A ‘hammered’ night

“Oh haay baby, I [hic!] jus had twelve shawts. How much diyouu have? Ten? Awwbaby tha’s soo hot, we should get it on — Wha? Oh cawndums? Hah, you muss be jokin’. [Burp!] Awwh babe, I think I jus puked in my mouth a lil bit.”

Wasted sex isn’t great, no matter how many dudes tell you it’s fantastic. Apart from potentially obscuring mutual consent, which is awful in itself, your speech is slurred, the world spins, you feel sick. How are you supposed to have a satisfactory night when you can’t even move properly? Maybe you should just pop an aspirin and go to sleep.

 

Point / Counterpoint

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Photo Credit: Serena Chan

Sext me hard.

By Max Hill

S is for Safety.

Sexting sure has gotten a bad rap lately. A host of scandals over revenge porn, stolen photographs, and underage sex have resulted in a widespread uproar over the dangers of sexting. These issues bring up good points, and people are right to worry. But just like sex, sexting can be awesome — provided you take the proper precautions.

Make sure to only sext with someone that you trust. Talk with your partner(s) before sexting, and consider setting some ground rules on what you’re comfortable with and what’s off limits. And don’t forget to make absolutely sure that neither partner is allowed to send photos to anyone else.

E is for Eroticism.

We’re in the information age, which means there are more ways than ever to keep a sexual relationship fresh and fun. And what could be better than getting a saucy sext in the middle of a boring business meeting, or a gruelling hike, or an uncomfortable bus ride?

Especially for couples on busy schedules or trying to make long-distance work, sexting can be a great way to keep a spark alive. Plus, few things will boost your self-esteem more than finding the perfect angle for that naked selfie.

X is for eXpression.

Sexting forces partners to be creative. It’s the modern love letter, and the best sexters are master storytellers, weaving complex erotic fantasies with only a few words and a phone camera.

Whether you’re engaging in role playing or just imagining what it would be like to hold your partner in your arms, sexting isn’t just a workout for your thumbs — it’s a workout for your brain, the biggest and most important sex organ of all.

T is for Timeliness.

What will sexual relationships in the future look like? Will we use robotic sex toys and watch porn in virtual reality? Will we plug into the cloud for online orgies and 3D print our blow up dolls? The future is tough to predict, and sex in 25 years will probably look even stranger than any of those examples.

But congratulations, fellow sexters — we’re at the forefront of the new sexual revolution, using all the technology at our disposal to get freaky and keep our partners satisfied. Don’t let the Luddites get you down: you’re getting busy in ways your grandparents could only dream of.

Sext me not.

By Joel MacKenzie

Sexting? Seriously? Sexting?

No, I can’t picture that.

No, I have no idea what that feels like.

Wow, that was a weird description.

I’m turning off my phone.

There is a reason why sexting is popular among tweens and teens, and less so among adults: it’s a lot less exciting to describe sexy events when you could be doing a real thing. Sexting is boring, it’s not sexy, and it pales in comparison to literally anything two consenting people could be doing in real life.

You want to write some sexy stuff to a consensual lover? Cool! Write them a letter. Pour your creativity into lovingly-written verse, and let your sexiness flow from the twirls of the pen, or whatever.

You and that person want to tell each other sexy stuff? Nice. Call them. Let them hear the sexiness, the desire, the passion ooze out of your molasses voice, your honeydew lips, and all that. Use the other vast-majority of expressions that come from speaking the words, which go beyond sending them typed.

So you’re both okay with kissing each other’s faces? That’s fly. Do it to it. But don’t just kiss; get excited to kiss. Look at their lips like you did before the first time they met yours. Like the first time you felt welcomed desire overwhelming  you; you leaned in closer, you held them and could feel their hot breath on your neck. Your lips planted gently on their cheek. You saw their lips beautiful and golden, and you were confident to share your own. You offered your lips and yourself by coming in closer, and waited tensly for them to fill in the space. Remember? You can make any kiss as sexy as your first sexy kiss.

You and your consensual lover are ready to get physical? That’s dope. Have a private hot tub date (private — not a public pool, with the chlorine and the strangers). Have a bedroom date (also private, preferably). In the pool, let the bubbles soothe you, buy something lavander, get all relaxed and that. In the bed, clean the sheets, make them soft, touch each other and stuff.

If sexting is your only resort, whatever, do it; it’s your boring funeral. If you and your lover under covers want to have some real-life sexy fun, though, try doing literally anything else.

Just be safe if you’re gonna touch junk or whatever.

SFU alumnus uncovers new functions of sex hormones

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Image Credit: Saida Saetgareeva

SFU alumnus Ashley Monks is changing the way we think of sex hormones by examining their role in neurological and muscular development from a biopsychological perspective.

Sex hormones, the most commonly known being testosterone and estradiol, are already known to play a role in our pubescent development and sexual arousal.

However, the link between sex hormones and nervous and muscular system development have never been fully developed. Monks is trying to change that.

His lab at the University of Toronto primarily use their days to research sexual differentiation and the link between sex hormones and development.

In an SFU media release, Monks explained, “My research seeks to understand how sex hormones shape the nervous system and how the brain is organized, and ultimately to uncover the biological basis behind what makes men and women different and how that actually works.”

Monks’ previous research has shown that sex hormones can rewire the adult brain and its motor neurons responsible for sending messages around the body. It was previously believed that protein molecules called cadherins, which facilitate cell adhesion and binding of tissues, were only active in the early developmental stages of human growth.

However, Monks’ lab successfully established that sex hormones can trigger and regulate cadherin activity throughout our entire life. This led Monks to the conclusion that sex hormones, through cadherin activity, directly affect neural development, even in fully matured adults.

“My research seeks to uncover the biological basis behind what makes men and women different.”

Ashley Monks, SFU alumnus

Monks looked at the muscular development of Arctic ground squirrels, who undergo rapid and uninterrupted muscle growth in preparation for the winter hibernation season. Such rapid growth would cause a number of negative side effects if it were to occur in the human body.

Monks and other researchers found that in the summer Arctic ground squirrels have 10 to 200 times the normally observed levels of androgens (testosterone and other male sex hormones) than other squirrels. The squirrels also had four times the androgen muscular receptors, allowing the muscles to detect the hormones and increase their growth.

However, the ground squirrels have fewer hormone receptors than normal in their lymph nodes, and the lymph nodes are unable to detect the increased levels of androgen in the blood stream. This diminishes the negative side effects of increased sex hormones in their bodies.

This research presents a whole new set of side effects of both the medical usage of hormone replacement therapy and the use of steroids to aid muscle development.

Monks’ research reveals that while muscular development is regulated and aided by sex hormones, the use of hormonal therapy can not only lead to negative muscular and sexual growth, but also affect neurological development.

Monks uses his research to find new methods for treating muscular diseases such as muscular atrophy and Kennedy’s disease, both affecting the transmission of nervous signals between the nervous system and the muscular system.

By shedding light on unknown links between sex hormones — previously thought to only aid in sexual development — and the rest of the body, Monks hopes his research will change the way scientists will use and treat sex hormones.

Board Gags

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Photo Credit: Benjamin Buckley

University Briefs

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Photo courtesy of Bustle

Violent video games make women feel sexier

[SYDNEY, AUS] — A recent study conducted at the University of New South Wales (UNSW) Australia has established a link between the reasons people choose to playing violent video games and their sexual desires.

Test subjects were asked to give themselves a “mate value,” rating their potential as a romantic and sexual partner.

Both females and males who played more violent video games were more interested in sex. There was no connection between the perceived “mate value” and the number of violent video games played by males, however, “women who played violent video games more thought of themselves as a better catch than those who played them less.”

 

Northwestern University censors essay on nurse sex

[EVANSTON, USA] — An essay titled “Head Nurses,” published in Atrium, a bioethics magazine edited by Northwestern faculty members, sparked controversy that led to the temporary removal of the online edition, and the potential termination of the publication.

The essay, written by Syracuse University professor William Peace, talked about receiving oral sex from a nurse while he was hospitalized due to a spinal cord injury.

“I did not think that it would cause such a giant controversy, that it would take down the entire issue for 14 months and maybe the magazine permanently,” commented Peace.

With files from The Daily Northwestern

 

Cross sex in the library off your bucket list

[CARDIFF, UK] — A student at Cardiff University is encouraging others to attempt something he’s crossed off his bucket list: a roll in the hay with a fellow student in the quiet corners of the library.

The Tab article noted, “Indeed, this kind of act probably happens more than many, including the uni staff, like to think [. . .] Consider the veritable bounty of out-of-sight, out-of-mind corners in our libraries, where all sorts of naughty things may be happening.”

With files from The Tab

 

Oregon State University sex column cancelled after 15 years

[CORVALLIS, USA] — Public health and human sciences professor Dr. Kathy Greaves will no longer be publishing her weekly column, “Dr. Sex,” in The Daily Barometer.

The column is being cancelled due to the negative responses she received, undermining her professional and expert opinion: “This year, the comments have been particularly biting.”

In her parting column, Greaves explained that her main goal was to provide the students with a comprehensive sexual education, “acknowledging the existence of behaviors beyond the obvious and the stereotypical.”

With files from The Daily Barometer

Satellite Signals

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WEB-woodwardWoodwards

This year’s Indian Summer Festival will feature talks on issues about collective silence and personal trauma, as well as taxi drivers and their experiences. Located in SFU’s Goldcorp Centre on July 10, tickets are $15 for one talk, or $20 for both. The first talk will begin at 6 p.m., and the second at 8 p.m.

surrey

Surrey

Does local produce pique your interest? Looking to buy some fresh fruit and veggies? The Surrey Urban Farmers Market is being held on July 8 from 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. at the Surrey City Hall Plaza. Local musicians will be attending to entertain, and there will be demonstrations of various recipes.

Calling all photographers!

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Attention everyone interested in taking photos for The Tartan! As we wait on our writers to submit their pieces in the next couple of weeks, we wanted to give you a chance to start contributing to the magazine too.

For the inside and back covers we want SFU photographers to recreate some fun photos from SFU’s early years and put them into any modern context they want. Included below are a bunch of photos from 1966-67 that we’d like to see you reshoot in 2015. Find the location, or an equivalent location, and show how these moments in time would play out today! Let’s see how much (or how little) things have changed.

Here are a few examples we shot today…


The fountain in the mall isn’t quite what it used to be.


Cramming for exams has changed a bit, and at the same time hasn’t changed a bit.


Freedom Square doesn’t quite draw the crowd it once did.

Get the idea? Here are some old photos you can recreate. We’ll be sending out more in the coming weeks but these should get you started. Be as creative as you can and have fun with this!

1965-66 Yearbook Photos: http://s571.photobucket.com/user/tartansfu/1965%20SFU%20Photos/story

1966-67 Yearbook Photos: http://s571.photobucket.com/user/tartansfu/1966%20SFU%20Photos/story

Alright, have at it! Photo submissions are to be sent to [email protected] by Thursday, July 23, 2015.

Can’t wait to see what you all send in!

Peak Speak: Where is The Peak’s Office?

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In this week’s Peak Speak, we ask students if they know where The Peak’s office is located.

Created by Paige Smith and Phoebe Joy Lim

Divine inspiration overflows in Godspell

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Photo courtesy of David Cooper.

I was very eager to see this show when I read that it was by the composer of Wicked, one of my favourite musicals, but unfortunately it didn’t live up to my expectations. Perhaps it’s my lack of religious background, but I found the Christian references confusing and the lack of a cohesive plot difficult to overcome.

Set in Jerusalem Station, the multi-level stage featured a rainbow railway track and backdrop of video screens. While a train station is generally a transient place with people always coming and going, this group seemed quite content to stay in one place and get to know each other. The characters were also in rainbow colours, adorning accent pieces and changing shoes at the beginning of the show to represent their colour.

Jesus (Jennifer Copping) and the apostles seem to have a lot of fun playing charades, dancing, and acting out various scenes, but for some reason I just wasn’t moved by it. However, there were some very funny scenes where they managed to incorporate a Star Wars reference, and plenty of silly moments such as acting like flocks of sheep and goats.

There doesn’t seem to be an overarching plot to this show — instead, it’s made up of a series of short vignettes of each apostle teaching a lesson with the help of the others or, in one case, of an audience member. A large rope hangs down at stage right and they take turns pulling it to see which colour the video screens will land on and who will be up next to share some wisdom.

With main characters of Jesus and the apostles, it might seem like this show is all about religion, but director Sara-Jeanne Hosie explains in the program that it’s about community, and that the word “God” could be replace with “love” without changing the intent.

This group of characters seems to be representative of almost any community: a cop, student, waitress, vamp, busker, misfit, nomad, homeless man – and of course Judas and John the Baptist (the latter played by a young girl). Gender and ethnicity was not a consideration in casting, and the result is a highly talented group of performers who sing, dance, and act with equal ability.

Godspell is ultimately about faith, love, and the power of a strong community. The songs and messages shared by each of the characters are uplifting, and while I can’t say this is one of my favourite musicals, these performers confirmed that the theatre is a magical, divine place.

Godspell is presented by Arts Club Theatre Company at the Granville Island Stage June 18 to August 1. For more information, visit artsclub.com.

Bard on the Beach presents the epic King Lear

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Photo courtesy of David Blue.

Until seeing this production at Bard on the Beach, I had forgotten how many poignant lines are contained in King Lear, such as Lear’s warning that “Nothing will come of nothing” and one of the fool’s (Scott Bellis) many thoughtful lines, “Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise.”

This cast infused so much passion and earnestness into their performances that I was reminded how epic this tragedy of betrayal and conspiracies truly is. Benedict Campbell as King Lear deserved his enthusiastic standing ovation, and the playful repartee between Goneril (Colleen Wheeler) and Regan (Jennifer Lines) shows how much fun they were having with these roles — the audience loved it.

King Lear, the King of Britain, decides to retire and divide his kingdom between his three daughters. He asks them how much they love him to decide who should get the larger share of land. Goneril and Regan profess their love in lengthy speeches, but his youngest daughter, Cordelia (Andrea Rankin), is banished when she speaks honestly. Lear plans to stay with Goneril and Regan for one month at a time since he gave up all his possessions, but he soon learns that his older daughters are conspiring against him with the help of their husbands.

Edmund (Michael Blake) was another star of the show with his cheeky winks to the audience, making us all accomplices in his devious plot to usurp his brother’s position and become his father’s heir. The Earl of Gloucester (David Marr) falls for Edmund’s scheme, and his legitimate son, Edgar (Nathan Schmidt), disguises himself as Poor Tom the beggar to escape persecution — his portrayal of this ragged madman was spot on.

Madness and the ability to perceive the actions of others clearly are central themes in this play, and this production presented those brilliantly through careful staging and a very clear delivery. The gruesome scene where Gloucester’s eyes are ripped from his face, a very delicate scene to perform, was done with just the right amount of realism. The audible gasps and groans as audience members averted their own eyes was a good measure of this.

During the final, heart-wrenching scene with Lear walking forward, Cordelia in his arms, the tent was silent, the audience wrapt.

The simple wooden set was adorned with sparse furniture, and the fog machines added the right spooky tone to King Lear’s trudge through the storm. One of the best things about Bard on the Beach being in an open-backed tent is moments when the world outside the tent melds beautifully with what’s onstage. In a scene where leaves were scattered over the stage, the breeze coming in the tent blew them around adding a special touch to this marvellous production.

King Lear is presented by Bard on the Beach in collaboration with Theatre Calgary June 18 to September 20 in the mainstage tent at Vanier Park. For more information, visit bardonthebeach.org.