Spoof
Who killed McFogg?
April 11, 2025By: Thievius Raccoonus The search for McFogg has finally ended. After years of wondering what happened to our beloved Scottish mascot, the dog has finally turned up back at SFU . . . but not in the way anyone wanted him to. McFogg was found floating in the reflection pond holding an onion, with syllabi for economics courses floating around him. Five suspects have been apprehended for their possible involvement…
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SFUtile Facts
April 5, 2025By: C Icart, Humour Editor and Kaja Antic, Sports Writer Questions What did staff find in the SFU Reflecting Pond when they cleaned it out in 2008? What was SFU’s first mascot? According to Wikipedia, what was the 22nd busiest…
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Pictionary with Stix the Burnt-Out Candle
April 5, 2025By: Yildiz Subuk, Staff Writer In his free time, to decompress for the capitalist machine, our favourite comic protagonist Stix the Burnt Out Candle likes to play a version of pictionary where he draws pictures, and has his friends guess…
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Trump loses historic match of geopolitical chess
April 5, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Editor’s note: This article is rated “CIR” for Chess and International Relations enthusiasts. May contain references to your favourite or most disliked world leader. Knowledge of chessboard coordinates is encouraged. Reader discretion is advised. …
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Introducing SFU faculty Pokémon cards
April 4, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer Did you know, raccoons aren’t the only critters roaming campus? Here are some of the Pokémon you will face as you wander the concrete halls of the mountain fortress — each belonging to one…
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Lotería: SFU edition
April 4, 2025By: Daniel Salcedo Rubio, Features Editor SFU’s new pre-convocation event was honestly . . . not bad. There were the usual finger food and photo booth with the typical cardboard cutouts, as well as a couple of SFU-inspired board games,…
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“I fucking quit,” announces Mr. Monopoly
April 3, 2025By: Sofia Chassomeris, Interdimensional-Space Traveller Editor’s note: The Pawn obtained this letter via time travel through a portal gun we discovered in our games closet. Dear valued constituents, I write to you at the dawn of the year 3000 to…
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Dismantlers of SFU — The Red Leafs’ Catan
April 3, 2025By: Phone Min Thant, Staff Writer In a stuffy boardroom on SFU’s Burnaby campus, our most esteemed president Joy Johnson listened to interns pitch new ideas about streamlining SFU’s budget. “Make governance easier and more convenient for SFU’s executives by…
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Trump bans Go Fish
April 3, 2025By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Since taking office in January, US President Donald Trump has passed a slew of executive orders. While some have generated significant buzz, skepticism, and pushback, others have managed to evade the hook of the public’s…
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TRANSCRIPT: Survivor of a first-date Cards Against Humanity game testifies in court
April 1, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Court Reporter In an empty broken-down 143 Burquitlam Station bus at the upper bus loop, SFU FASS student Halley Cringer was having a typical first date with SFU Beedie student Jordan Belfort. Ms. Cringer reluctantly assisted Mr.…
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