Due to tough economy, local creeps set to just give out razor blades

BURNABY — Feeling the strains of the current economic situation, ‘evil strangers’ across the entire lower mainland are reportedly not going to be able...

Man can’t believe he’s the only one who wishes there was a “Halloween with the Kranks”

THE INTERNET — A man who goes by the username “krankaddict1” on the popular online movie and superficiality website, IMDB, was shocked to discover...

Where are they now?

Ever wonder what happened to those (HALLOWEEN-RELATED) celebrities who were everywhere back then, but have since fallen off the face of the earth? Well,...

Woman accused of witchcraft demands right to a fair burning

YE OLD BURNABY — A local woman accused of witchcrafting around campus has reportedly announced that she deserves a thorough, detailed and fair burning...

A Year of Touring with the Rolling Stones

  2008. For a lot of people this might just be a year like any other year. Or maybe it seems like an arbitrary combination...

Embarrassed Earth claims latest earthquake was just “seismic event”

PHILIPPINES — People across the world were shocked last week by reports that Earth had been struck by yet another devastating earthquake but according...

UBC signs exclusive textbook deal with ‘For Dummies’ Books

VANCOUVER — It’s been kept under wraps for weeks but last Friday SFU’s rival post-secondary institution announced that they have made a landmark, first-of-its...

Local guy definitely going to go out and hit on girls . . . tomorrow

BURNABY — According to sources, university student Jordan Pitre is unwavering in his belief that tomorrow will “definitely” be the day that he hits...

‘National Geographic’ to follow Playboy into energy drink market

  NEW YORK — Taking the logical next step for a magazine company facing the decline of print media, National Geographic has announced that they...

Happy Surrey family shocked to discover their neighbour lives in “the ghetto”

SURREY — Despite living within six feet of him for the past seven years, a local middle-class family from a nice, normal neighbourhood has...