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Tippy Top 10 List: John Tortorella

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Tippy Top 10 Ways John Tortorella is Planning to Spend His Suspension

 

10. Quality time with family, berating them to “play some fucking defense”

9. With Rodman in rehab, become best friends with Kim Jong Un

8. Commit numerous crimes and laugh incredulously at arrest warrants

7. Take over as Richard Sherman’s media relations advisor full-time

6. Create a Facebook account and poke Jannik Hansen 50 times

5. Start a fight club, but talk about it

4. Take up cooking, but then realize that Gordon Ramsay already exists

3. Come up with new nicknames for Dale Weise . . . Weisey, Weiser, okay done.

2. Finally hang-out in visitor’s locker room in peace

1. Suspension? They told me this was a 15-day vacation!

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society