Before Starbucks takes me in the dead of night and disposes of my body with such corporate efficiency that it’s never found, hear me out. I get it, pumpkin spice is delicious. I hear you: I had a pumpkin scone as soon as those little orange fucks made their way into pastry cases across campus. I’m not opposed to pumpkin spice: it signals the arrival of my favourite season to the extent that it provokes a Pavlovian reaction deep within me.
But why stop there?
Why are we all assuming that our palates peaked at pumpkin? Where are my other fall-flavoured drinks and treats?
Why aren’t coffee shops and eateries left, right, and centre selling apple cider? Where’s my apple pie spice latte? Caramel apple treats, anybody? And why aren’t we dipping our toes in the wonderful world of cranberries? Snickerdoodles have the comforting cinnamon loveliness we all crave when the leaves turn yellow and orange. Pear is harvested in the fall — how are we not eating and drinking pear everything? It’s absolutely delicious. And pecan pies; how could we forget pecan pie?! And don’t even get me started on the warmth, earthiness, and discreet sweetness of carrot cake.
I’ve said too much. Fast food moguls are sending their personal hitmen after me as we speak.
But think about it.
