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Seth Rogen’s deleted transit announcements

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Illustrated by Marissa Ouyang

Written by: Trevor Roberts

Unless you’re one of those people that drives to school every day (yes, I said those people) you’ve probably heard one of Seth Rogen’s marginally humourous transit-etiquette announcements. Love them or hate them, you may be surprised that many more didn’t make the cut, some of which might have provided a somewhat different feel to the campaign.

“Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth. If a person asks you if the current train is for Production Way or King George, tell the truth. Let’s be honest, anyone who still hasn’t figured out the Expo Line at this point probably isn’t a great problem-solver, and will likely end up having to live at whatever station you send them to.”

“Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth. If you lose something in transit, don’t panic. Just talk to the nearest TransLink employee or call the TransLink help line. Unless you left weed on the Canada Line. In that case, I can assure you that I have it, and you will not be getting it back.”

“Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth. Make sure you’re aware that the last SkyTrains leave between 12:30 and 1:30 a.m. Why is that you ask? Because TransLink hates you and doesn’t want you to have any fun, that’s why.”

“Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth. Remember that some SkyTrains have extra seats at either end of the car that fold down. Not only does that mean you can give up your seat if it’s reserved for those who need it, but you can also look like a total badass to your friend from out of town.”

“Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth. Does anyone here remember that the SeaBus is a thing? Weird, eh?”

“Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth. This one’s for all you bus drivers out there. I know you guys do really great work, but my voice is annoying enough as it is; please kindly only play my message once. Trust me, your passengers will thank you for it.”

*sniffles* “Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth,” *sobs* “A reminder that even after cannabis is legal in Canada, it will be still be prohibited to smoke on transit property.” *bursts into tears*

“Hey Vancouver, it’s Seth. Above all the other advice I’ve given you, remember the golden rule of transit: if you’re sitting in a SkyTrain that has a “driver” seat, and there’s a kid anywhere near you, you give that kid your seat. Just because the world has stripped you of your childhood wonder doesn’t give you the right to do the same to others. Asshole.”

“[30 seconds of Seth Rogen laughing as you go through a tunnel]”

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society