Woohoo, Boohoo

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Woohoo: The Kraken

Every once in a while, a gloriously terrifying deep-sea creature will wash ashore somewhere, making us realize that mother nature hides some pretty terrifying things in the water’s deepest, darkest depths.

Take for instance the Kraken, a monstrous cephalopod capable of eating ships and striking fear into the hearts of even the saltiest of sea dogs.

What makes it so terrifying? Is it that we know there are monster squid lurking beneath the surface, or the fact that we can see first hand an octopus’s advanced intelligence? It isn’t much of a stretch to imagine the ‘small’ giant squid that wash on shore as baby versions of this ship-eating monster.

Until we know for sure what lurks beneath the surface of the ocean, to scream “Release the Kraken!” will continue to strike wonderful fear into the tiny, delicious hearts of men.

Boohoo: The Loch Ness Monster

The Loch Ness Monster is only one good publicity campaign away from becoming the new leader of a Scottish independence movement, and even has a cute nickname to accompany its less-than-fearful reputation.

‘Nessie’ is considered the Holy Grail for cryptozoologists. What makes it intriguing is not so much the fact that it eats entire ships for breakfast but the fact that it pops up for blurry, foggy, and sporadic photo ops, which keep people vaguely interested in finding it.

Nessie is the monster you would bring home to your parents; the one who would tell your mom she is amazing at cooking haggis, and your dad that he is the best bagpiper in the land, even when your mom burnt the haggis on the outside and left it raw on the inside, and your dad sounds like he is murdering a sack of cats.

The Loch Ness monster is less monster and more overgrown kitten.