Woohoo: Foot fetish
Many people place the ‘pervy,’ ‘gross,’ ‘weird,’ even ‘criminal’ labels on those who have sexual fetishes. In reality, there isn’t anything wrong with having gratification from certain ‘creative’ intimate desires. Feet seem to be the most prominent (or at least the most discussed!) fetish out there, and yeah, some people find feet hot! Many other harmless fetishes can be hot, too — depending on what type of thing you’re into. Nothing like a little toe-time in bed to spice up your sex life, amirite?
Boohoo: Poop fetish
Yeah, that Cleveland Steamer stuff? (Look it up, I dare you.) Not my deal. This fetish is seriously beyond me; the fact that someone can be intimate with a turd throws my gag reflexes into full force, and has me questioning what it means to be human. Not to mention, the serious illnesses someone could pick up from rolling around in bed with their mud bunny are enough to turn someone off of sex for a reaaally long time. Keep Mr. Hanky in the toilet, guys.
Woohoo: “Talk dirty to me, baby.”
Words are sexy! A few intimate words in someone’s ear can really heat up the mood and enhance somebody’s sex drive. Dirty talk has a romantic and pleasurable strength in adding personality to your hot night in the sack. Most people think that dirty talk has to be taken to the extreme, though it can just let you step out of your comfort zone a little further, and perhaps give yourself the courage to take on a dominant role during sex.
Boohoo: “Shut up and let’s fuck!”
My apologies, but if we’re going to do the whole ‘throw some one on the bed, wrench open those legs, and wail through the nasty as fast as we can,’ then I’m not interested. Pornhub should not be your sexual ‘go-to’ manual. Sure, things can get a little rough, but ultimately the birds and the bees should not equate to practically ripping someone’s body in half. Let’s put some real pleasure and intimacy back into sex, please.
Woohoo: Naked sushi
Wow, and I thought a sushi dinner by itself was enough to turn me on! Now, I’m being served dynamite rolls and sashimi (on a platter) on a naked human body. Albeit a bit odd, the presentation is curvy and sensual; a unique way rev up a sizzling night with your significant other. By the way, naked sushi is now in Vancouver! Get me on that train.
Boohoo: Chocolate fondue
Licking streams of chocolate sauce off exposed human skin? Maybe I’ll pass. What a sloppy, unsanitary mess reminiscent of a 2 Girls 1 Cup scenario. I don’t care if it tastes good, I’d like to be able to enjoy myself without having to worry about choking on my dessert toppings, or afterwards, washing out chocolate in places where it would literally never be otherwise. Awkward. . .
Woohoo: A tipsy night
Oh those crazy, early college years! More of us than I’d care to admit have probably encountered a night of getting a little frisky after a drink or two. We’re both single. We’re both buzzed. We’ve just graduated high school; let’s be honest, sex is all we think about! It’s time to live up our prime! Afterwards we can joke and exaggerate the story about what a rompin’ party it was. A couple beers or shots can finish a hot date with a bang, if you get my drift.
Boohoo: A ‘hammered’ night
“Oh haay baby, I [hic!] jus had twelve shawts. How much diyouu have? Ten? Awwbaby tha’s soo hot, we should get it on — Wha? Oh cawndums? Hah, you muss be jokin’. [Burp!] Awwh babe, I think I jus puked in my mouth a lil bit.”
Wasted sex isn’t great, no matter how many dudes tell you it’s fantastic. Apart from potentially obscuring mutual consent, which is awful in itself, your speech is slurred, the world spins, you feel sick. How are you supposed to have a satisfactory night when you can’t even move properly? Maybe you should just pop an aspirin and go to sleep.
