For years, the action-packed sport of badminton has been without its own iconic feature-length film; a movie that accurately encapsulates the electrifying thrill of the game while balancing dynamic characters with an original, engaging narrative. But that was then, and this is now, and this now is right now.
As God and you readers are my witnesses, I’m here to say that I am nearing completion on a first draft of what I will prematurely dub the world’s first critically — and hopefully commercially — successful film about badminton.
To be candid, I’m not sure how we made it this far in cinema without producing a film such as this one. It’s hard to even think of a movie that heavily involved badminton in a way like this before. Sure, we’ve had films like 2011’s Bruce Lee Played Badminton Too and Badminton from 1945, but those are just obscure titles that came up when I did an Internet search on “popular badminton movies.”
These are dire times for movie buffs that are also devoted badminton fans — but I’m here to pull those folks from out of the dark ages.
Picture this: a black background, with introductory credits in white text as the sound of fans builds gradually to a nearly deafening volume. The film’s title flashes on-screen before we cut to a stadium, with thousands of badminton-adoring spectators cheering. Heavy breathing begins to overtake the sounds of the crowd as we have a closeup of the protagonist’s eyes, sweat coming down his forehead. He’s in the match of a lifetime and his opponent is serving.
It all comes down to this last round — and then we jump back in time to show how the stakes got to be so high.
That’s just a taste of the Oscar-bait lurking in my script. You’ve never seen badminton portrayed like this before. Mostly because no one gives a shit about badminton, and so it’s never even been considered for something as prestigious as this. But after decades of neglect, with the spotlight shining on “better” sports like football or table tennis, badminton’s time has finally come.
What the world needs now, perhaps more than ever, is a biographical sports drama centred on badminton.
Will the sport of badminton itself act as a conduit for the protagonist’s insecurities to lash out at him? Will his professional rival, someone who’s older and maybe even a cautionary tale, be a metaphorical as well as a literal obstacle for our protagonist to overcome? Will the film include at least 18 minutes of actual adrenaline-fuelled badminton gameplay? Yes, yes, and goddamn it, yes.
Did I mention the script’s working title? Net Worth. It could be referring to the absurd financial wealth that top-ranking badminton athletes are prone to; it could also be an allusion to how the protagonist is going to struggle with his own self-worth. You’ll have to wait until 2018 — or sometime around then, depending on how long it takes for Warner Bros. Pictures to respond to my messages — to find out.
As with any iconic sports movie, the tricky part will be the film’s casting. Our male protagonist will have to be handsome enough for audiences to enjoy looking at, but not handsome enough that people don’t believe him as someone who would actually play badminton.
He’ll need a love interest, too. Any actress will do, really. She’ll have some surprisingly strong material to work with, revolving around the protagonist’s struggles, but that’s about it. The overall lack of female characters in the film isn’t about sexism; it’s about there being little room for romance in the high-velocity world of badminton. Hopefully the Academy recognizes her for the 10 minutes of screen time she does receive.
It’s badminton’s time to shine. For too long, jocks have had no choice but to fill their favourite quotes section on Facebook with inspirational lines from football movies. Even horse derbies had their moment in the sun when Seabiscuit came out. Up until now, almost every other sport has gotten a slice of that critic-adored pie, and it’s badminton’s turn to take a bite. If there can be a critically acclaimed film about baseball starring Jonah Hill, then surely anything is possible.
