I speak for all guys when I say we have sex on our minds a lot — like right now (guys, don’t deny it). Naturally, there’s an app for that. Many, in fact. But, like with many online interactions, people are less inhibited than they would be face-to-face, which leads to some pretty nasty situations. . . exacerbated when sex is involved.
This seems to be more prominent in the gay community. What happens on meet-up apps for guys who are interested in guys is pretty ironic, given LGBTQ history. For a society that has long fought for acceptance simply for being who we are, apps such as Grindr relentlessly perpetuate discrimination, exclusion, belittling, and, one could even say, elitism.
It’s only been a few years since the first geosocial networking platform tailored towards gay, bisexual, and bicurious guys launched, and now almost every 20-something gay guy has one on his phone. According to its inventors, apps such as Grindr make “socializing easier” (i.e. put sex at every horny guy’s fingertips).
Scrolling through the plethora of Adonis torsos, profiles read as follows: No fems, Masc only, Asians + +, Drama free, Discreet only, No Asians, NSA, Not into twinks, Straight-acting, NEG U B 2, Love bears / otters, Jocks front of the line! Oh, but my personal favourite? Must be built (and variations of this). I’m sorry, not all of us spend five days a week at the gym, taking shirtless/headless selfies.
Apparently, this taxonomy of gays is a growing, unforgiving practice. Categories such as twink (a young, boyish look) or bear (having a hairy body) invalidate gay guys. These categories turn into “gatekeepers” to gay sex. If you don’t fit into a type, you aren’t worthy of intimacy.
This is not to say we should all just have unfiltered processes of getting into bed with everyone, but this casual discrimination and exclusion should be reconsidered when it comes to casual fun/sex. This discrimination denies guys a sense of self-worth as they’re judged on things out of their control such as genetics and race, which affect things far more important than just having sex. Does this level of discrimination sound familiar?
Though we rally together for equality in a hetero-dominant world, there is still much work to be to done. We want everyone else to love and accept us for who we are, yet we can’t even do it amongst ourselves. We use sex as a means to thicken lines of division when it could safely be used to do the complete opposite!
Yes, everyone has preferences, and don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having them! But coming off as blatant and rude is not sexy.
This bluntness is also shocking to some heterosexual people as well. In one video, “Straight Men React To Grindr,” a couple of guys say, “I see a lot of abs [. . .] This is just straight up honesty.” Another states, “You cannot have this in the straight world.”
When it comes to guy on guy sex, the interaction seems to be far more straight to the point. Maybe we enjoy being braver than assumed to be. But is parading this forwardness worth the cost of another’s self-worth?
In the virtual sea of perfectly sculpted, pretentious, and discriminating bodies, though, there is still hope. There are those who use “socializing-turned-finding-sex apps” for other purposes, and make these intentions clear: No hookups, Whatever happened to just chatting?, Here 4 friends but open to possibilities.
These are just some enlightening words that seldom appear, but that are the truly sexy ones.
