Being abstinent in university isn’t just for the people who aren’t so great at sliding their number across the table at the bar. I have chosen (yes, chosen) to not have premarital sex and have enjoyed the benefits associated with my decision.
Choosing to make sex a part of marriage as opposed to a casual ordeal does not mean that I sit at home in a long skirt with my parents every Friday night. I have a great time with my friends, I enjoyed dating, and now I am happily engaged. I don’t feel like I have missed out on the university experience because I have chosen to remain abstinent, and neither should you.
I am not naive enough to believe that this is the popular choice among most 20-somethings. But I can say that abstinence isn’t just a fallback plan for people who have a hard time getting laid; in fact, it might be more popular than you think.
SFU is a diverse school, with a wide array of cultures and religions represented. With confidence, I can say that many of the cultures that are part of the fabric of our university do not think of sex as casually as North American culture does.
It is important to understand the view that our peers and friends may have been raised with, and why people around us may view abstinence before marriage as valuable.
People are ashamed to choose abstinance. Is this true sexual liberation?
Religions that value this guideline all have different takes, but here is something that most people can probably identify with: despite what we might like to think, our bodies and our emotions are not always easy to tear apart from one another. Sex doesn’t always end as casually as it begins.
Abstinence is not an easy decision being that casual sex is part of our culture and it is an expectation that partaking in it casually is just another step in the growing up experience. Being raised in Canada, choosing to be abstinent was always something I was ashamed of and felt excluded because of.
Changing someone’s mind with regard to their personal decision on sex is something that I do not intend to attempt, but I want to ask, have we become so immersed in a sexual culture that we are beyond understanding someone who chooses an alternative?
It was only a few generations ago that premarital sex was something to be ashamed of; now the pendulum has swung so far the other way that people whose culture or religion leads them to choose abstinence feel ashamed. Is this true sexual liberation?
Whether you consider being abstinent a concept for our grandparent’s generation or find North American culture disgustingly over-sexualized, it is worth at least considering the idea that many of the cultures represented at SFU may have a more conservative view.
If we are truly a university that is sexually liberated, we need to understand, respect, and appreciate those around us.
you’re a fucking idiot
that’s polite
I wonder if the author is a prude that closes her eyes and tearfully prays to her deity during sex. The author might be a lesbian in denial because of her culture and faith. I feel bad for her fiance.
@Beau_Taylor:disqus ,
Even if any of your theories is true, I don’t think its anyone’s place to denigrade another’s choice on the matter.
Since she has written this article and it is in a public space, its safe to assume that her fiance is aware of this.
What is so wrong with holding back, it’s way much harder to than just jumping in. Regardless of her reasons – imagined, real, religious or psychological the ability to delay gratification is a worthy character building trait.
Good for you Hilary! It takes guts to write about something like this, and I applaud you for both your stance and your bravery in publicly stating it.