Right off the bat, I feel like I should apologize to anyone who I may have offended.
It’s not often that I write for any section other than The Peak‘s illustrious and often irreverent humour section, so each semester when I’m called upon to spill my real thoughts in an “Editor’s Voice,” I’m not always as tactful as, maybe, I should be.
Of course, what I mean when I say “apologize” is apologize for the last two “Editor’s Voices” I wrote back in summer and fall.
Not only did I controversially say that I believed that US President Barack Obama would go down in history as “one of the presidents of the United States,” but I followed that up with a staunchly pro-choice stance on trick-or-treating.
You can’t deny that a small moustache is way more practical than a big bushy mess under your nose.
I knew the risk I was taking with these wild and contentious opinions of mine and although I stand behind every word I wrote (even “and”), I still feel as if I have to take a second to make amends with those loyal Peak readers who may have felt betrayed by such radical commentary.
That being said, this semester I decided that I would wholeheartedly attempt to tone down my tendency towards a ridiculous and, frankly, immature “shock-factor” and just write something nice and normal that no one could possibly get mad at.
With that said, I believe that Adolph Hitler had the right idea. Smaller, more manageable facial hair is definitely the best way to present yourself.
Now, of course, I disagree with most of Hitler’s views. His politics, his ideals, even his taste in arm bands was horrible. But you can’t deny that a small moustache is way more practical than a big bushy mess under the nose.
A small moustache allows you to breathe better, it looks much more dignified, and you can drink foamy beverages as much as you want without a care in the world.
With all the grooming products and razorblades available today, there’s really no reason to sport any moustache bigger than a couple of inches. So please, follow in the footsteps of Hitler and keep it neat and clean up there.
Oh god, now that I look at it again I realize the headline I chose might have been a little inappropriate.
It kind of makes it seem like I’m saying that having a large moustache is “wrong” and that’s not what I’m going for at all. Of course you can still be a fine and decent person with a handlebar or even a Van Dyke, it’s just my personal preference to keep it on the small end.
Whatever, I know that Peak readers are intelligent and thoughtful enough to read past the first line before passing judgement. If you do have a problem with anything you’ve read here however, please let me know by emailing email@example.com. Don’t forget that using caps-lock is a great way to get your point across.
Also, you should check out the humour section, it’s the last couple pages of this paper and it’s a lot of fun and if you have any problems with anything you read there, again, please email firstname.lastname@example.org, okay?