French

Go back

Petter sits down Woodward’s to talk about the about the new campus on the way

Humour
EIC
EIC
1 min.
0
659

After an uncharacteristically silent dinner last Saturday night, SFU president Andrew Petter reportedly waited until bed time before sitting down with the Woodward’s campus to explain the changes that would soon be coming to the extended SFU family.

These new changes being related to the newly constructed Richmond campus.

“Now, Woodward’s, I need to talk to about something really important. No, I’ll get you a glass of water later. Get back in bed, it’s not Legos time. Goldcorp ‘Woodward’s’ Centre for Contemporary Arts! You put that down and get back here!”

Petter then went on to explain how mommy wasn’t just “getting fatter,” and what would be happening in the next few months.

“Yes, you’re going to have to share your students with your new brother or sister, and they’re going to need a lot attention during the first few years, so I might not be able to read you a president’s address every semester. ”

The downtown campus was noticeably distressed by the news, but after swallowing hard, told the president “that they were going to teach the fledgling campus how to ride bikes and do community spirit stuff, and it will so awesome.“

According to sources, afterwards Petter kissed the 130,000 square-foot SFU facility’s forehead and tucked it in.

— Gary Lim

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Read Next

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024