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Listless: How we’re getting our bodies beach ready

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By The Peak Editorial Board

 

As the days get longer and hotter, more and more people are heading to cool off at the beach. Sun, sand and surf; the beach has got it all! But not just anyone can saunter down to the seaside. As television and movies have told us, the beach is reserved only for the young and attractive and you’re more . . . uh . . . you sure do have a great personality! But don’t despair, because here are some tips on how you can get your bod beach ready this summer!

 

  • Limit Bugles® intake to only to original and nacho cheese flavours.
  • Switch to an all-intestinal parasite crash diet. 
  • Develop eating disorder. 
  • Draw on abs. 
  • Do a sit-up.
  • Airbrush over our more profane tattoos. 
  • Body hair sculpting.  Trimming the downtown unibrow.
  • Pre-dread lock our hair, to avoid overpaying at the beach. 
  • Swap out all lightbulbs in house for high effiency tanning bulbs. 
  • Watch The Beach, the 2000 adventure drama, starring Leonardo diCaprio and directed by Danny Boyle
  • Finally finish picking the sand out from the last time we went to the beach. 
  • Break own legs (So you have an excuse not to go to the beach.)
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society