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While most SFU students (or SFU-dents) know of the legendary antics of our president, one Andrew Petter, far fewer knows of his luxurious digs located in the penthouse suite in the UniverCity complex. Here is where he comes to retire after a long hard day of presidential duties like making sure soap dispensers are full and keeping the TAs in line.  This is his Bat Cave, his Fortress of Solitude, his respite from the prying eyes of the world, when Andy P can be Andy P.

Naturally, we at The Peak just had to get the scoop on our own mountaintop White House, so armed with only our suction cup boots, rappelling cables and a healthy dose of pluck, we set out to uncover the mysteries of the president’s residence!

Here are some of the highlights:

  • Butler’s quarters
  • Dog’s quarters
  • Dog’s butler’s quarters
  • Drive-in DVD racks
  • Indoor bungee jumping facility
  • Peacocks. Peacocks everywhere
  • Human-sized chess board
  • People acting as chess pieces
  • A towering stack of our tuition money
  • Chandelier farm
  • Scale model of SFU Burnaby fitted with thousands of tiny meticulously crafted replicas of each student and staff member
  • In-suite washer and dryer
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SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

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Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Block title

SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague

Humour Peak Web -
By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Investigator The following is a satirical and fictional commentary.  Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then?  An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more.  We will refer to the staff member as Madge to protect her identity. Madge volunteered information to the publication when a member of The Peak...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024