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Stuff We Hate

Humour
EIC
EIC
2 min.
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Stuff We Hate: Parking

When I first enrolled at SFU was excited to get my U-Pass so I wouldn’t have to drive downtown and park. There would be no more circling blocks looking for a spot, no more fumbling for change, and no more pretending that the homeless guy was a speed bump.

That was over four years ago. Apparently my dumb brain used those four years to convince itself that driving downtown was somehow “convenient”. Well guess what. Just like the situation with dead cops in Gotham City, things are worse than ever. There are parking meters that are in effect until 10:00 p.m.! If I have to wait until 10:00 p.m.to park my car for free then I’m already going to be pretty drunk. Then I’m going to end up getting arrested for drunk driving, and that’s obviously some kind of trick.

What do you want, City of Vancouver? Do you want a couple more hours of parking fees or do you want me to be sober behind the wheel. Ball’s in your court, Gregor.

By Colin Sharp


Stuff We Hate: Silent E

No I’m not talking about notorious underground rapper Silent E nor am I talking about that new rave drug exclusively for mimes.

I’m talking about the English language writing convention of putting the letter ‘E’ at the end of a word to change the preceding vowel sound from short-form to long-form. That shit just rubs me the wrong way.  I mean just the other day, I was making a grilled cheese with my new frying pan, in walks Silent E (drunk, as usual), all of a sudden I’m holding a frying pane and my sandwich is gone.

Don’t even get me started on what that asshole did when I lent him my van for a weekend.

By Gary Lim


Stuff We Hate:Caesars

All Caesars are bullshit. Unless triggering vomit is considered a good thing, then the salad is terrible. The cocktail is powerfully awful.

I was once served a Caesar garnished with a crisp piece of bacon instead of celery. Somehow this Caesar actually had the ability to make the bacon kind of gross. Let that sink in. It made bacon gross. Even Little Caesars Pizza is a mistake. Isn’t it a bad omen that even though the company name includes the word pizza, the slogan is still “Pizza! Pizza!”? Is it that hard to convince people that this food can be classified as pizza?

I get that people like all of them, and everyone is allowed to like shitty things. Just don’t try and convince me otherwise. All Caesars suck. Well . . . Julius Caesar wasn’t too bad, except for that stupid haircut. What is that style called again? Oh yeah. A Caesar. I rest my case.

By Marcus Junius Brutus the Younger

 

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society