tophumour
SFU employee spills the tea about her embezzlement-obsessed colleague
December 8, 2025The following is a satirical and fictional commentary. Oh boy, do we have some juicy tea for you. Have you ever wanted to say, “Fuck the system!” and chug some milk while your boss has his back turned? Way to go, you sabotaging legend. But what if I told you an SFU employee stole $200,000 from the university to fund a luxury vacation to the Pochonos? How would you feel then? An SFU employee, Jane Doe, has allegedly done just that. The Peak spoke to a staff member of the academic and administrative services office to learn more. We will…
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CHRISTMAS CANCELLED: Mariah Carey refuses to defrost
December 8, 2025BREAKING NEWS — Mariah Carey, the official “Queen of Christmas,” is refusing to defrost. The beloved American singer, best known for her 1994 hit “All I Want For Christmas is You,” remains stubbornly encased within her ice cube in the…
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The life of an SFU president
December 8, 2025[Verse 1: SFU student] Her name was Joy Johnson, Spent SFU’s money without precaution, While every elevator on the mountain was stoppin’, That’s OK, she’s was online shoppin’. This is her playhouse, We’re just all dolls in a jailhouse, Johnson’s…
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SCARY STORIES: Vampire spotted at the Bennett Library
November 11, 2025It all went down before a history midterm, on the sixth floor of the library. I was going over my notes, double-fisting two coffees and an energy drink, when I felt a cold gust of wind . . . sending…
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BEEDIE BRO: Ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and great investment opportunities
November 11, 2025Yes, I still go trick-or-treating, just not for the candy. What a lot of people without the Beedie mindset don’t realize is that Halloween is the perfect networking opportunity. See, while everyone else is going door to door picking up…
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I HATE YOU. UNSINCERLY, YOUR LAPTOP’S KEYBOARD
November 11, 2025Every day, I curse that I was born as a plebeian laptop keyboard! If only I could’ve been a bougie mechanical with 18 different components and satisfying clicky sounds . . . (click, click, click). Instead, I’m stuck with YOU.…
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The Convocation Games
November 11, 2025The day the reaping email arrived, the clouds over Burnaby brooded deeper than usual. A message was broadcast to every graduating student from the registrar’s office: “Each graduate shall receive two tickets for the ceremony. For additional seats, please refer…
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A Peak through the archives: Judging past humour pieces
November 11, 2025Did you know that The Peak wasn’t always funny? Gasp, you say. Oh, but it’s true. It wasn’t until the first humour section, “Nifty Pages,” graced us with its presence on January 12, 1998, that we truly became a sophisticated…
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Two songs that played as a soundtrack to my embarrassing life
November 11, 2025Dear Diary, I can’t lie, life has been wild recently. I don’t know what’s going on with the universe — I think Mercury is definitely in retrograde. Either that, or the universe has developed a remarkable sense of comedic timing.…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]