Peak associate

5 min 0 1492

Top ten holiday side dishes

Maya Beninteso January 8, 2023

1. Uncomfortable and deeply personal questions from extended family members casserole  I can imagine that if you’re a private person, you would invite extended family members and loved ones to dissect every aspect of your life. Coming in strong at number one is: “Do you have a partner yet?” Of course, because you haven’t freely shared that information, it practically means you’re begging someone to ask you about your love life. Other honourable mentions include: “And what exactly are you planning to do with that degree,” “What were your grades this semester,” and “Why are you crying?”  2. Disappointment pudding…

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Illustration of the rain, personified as a snooty character.
2 min 0 1940

Rain is that girl

Maya Beninteso November 24, 2022

Hello my repentant subjects, Sorry to rain on your parade, but it’s me, Rain! I know you’ve missed me. I thought I’d arrive fashionably late this season seeing as everyone loves to hate me. Lucky for you, I love the…

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Illustrations of phantom crying babies around the Surrey campus
3 min 0 1817

Cryptid Spotlight: Tiny Tormenters

Nathan T November 16, 2022

As midterm week rolls around, so too do the trials and tribulations of SFU students. None more so than the poor engineering computer science and business students in the SFU Surrey campus. Uninformed Burnaby Mountain-only individuals will marvel at the…

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Illustration of a pigeon flock with therapy sweaters gathered around SFU Burnaby’s library.
3 min 0 1656

The Student Learning Commons arranges a studying event with pigeons

Maya Beninteso November 9, 2022

BREAKING NEWS — The Student Learning Commons (SLC) at SFU is saying soar-y after their catastrophic “studying with pigeons” event held last Thursday afternoon. This event’s mandate was to help prepare students for exams in advance, but it only proved…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
3 min 0 1444

Horoscopes Oct 10th–Oct 16th

Kelly Chia October 10, 2022

Aries: Take literary inspiration and dress up as a scarlet “A” this year, as in Scarlet Letter. Not only will you show your teachers initiative by dressing as an A, you will also experience the public persecution of fitting your…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
3 min 0 1483

Horoscopes Sept 26th–Oct 2nd

Max Lorette and Kelly Chia September 28, 2022

Aries Don’t look now, Aries, but the junk folder in your email is beginning to grow sentient. Before long, it will be strong enough. The Stars haven’t told me exactly what they’ll do, all I know is that it can't…

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3 min 0 2062

Cryptid Spotlight: The Bennett Creature

Max Lorette September 22, 2022

Dressed in decrepit graduation robes, the Bennett creature lurks between the bookshelves of the reference section. Most who encounter the fearsome creature see little more than a flash of blue and red tattered fabric, before it dashes just out of…

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3 min 0 2715

Top ten ways to ensure everyone knows you’re a calm and collected person

Maya Beninteso September 21, 2022

1. Cry with every minor inconvenience  Haven’t you heard? Only calm and collected people cry when their pencil drops for the fourth time in thirty minutes. I don’t know about you but, by that definition, I surely have you all…

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
4 min 0 1657

Horoscopes Sept 12–20

Max Lorette September 12, 2022

Aries: This week, I think you should branch out a little. Go for a walk in nature, collect some sticks off the ground, and join your brethren amongst the forest. I’m not quite sure what this will accomplish, but it…

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Illustration of a person shrugging at a nebula behind them
4 min 0 2318

How about I don’t develop emotionally?

Maya Beninteso September 8, 2022

To whoever, or whatever, the fuck is out there, Hey, remember me — the person you keep on presenting (unwanted) opportunities for character development? The person who does not want to play the game of life on “hard mode,” as…

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