Humour Editor
A scorned letter to the 143
October 10, 2022Dear . . . Hah, you could never be dear again, so hell-o 143, You may not remember me, but I sure as hell remember you. Yeah, that’s right, I’m the student you leave stranded at eight in the evening in the pouring rain. I think you are ashamed of yourself — you must be. Every time I descend from Burquitlam station, you’ve conveniently driven off without so much as a sign that you’d like to wait for me. So be it. I remember your history. We used to ride from Coquitlam station to SFU together, remember? Back before you…
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Horoscopes Oct 10th–Oct 16th
October 10, 2022Aries: Take literary inspiration and dress up as a scarlet “A” this year, as in Scarlet Letter. Not only will you show your teachers initiative by dressing as an A, you will also experience the public persecution of fitting your…
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Horoscopes Sept 26th–Oct 2nd
September 28, 2022Aries Don’t look now, Aries, but the junk folder in your email is beginning to grow sentient. Before long, it will be strong enough. The Stars haven’t told me exactly what they’ll do, all I know is that it can't…
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Soul Style Quiz: Fall-ing in love
September 23, 2022Hello my darling sprouts, You may remember my mother before me, Sylvia XVII, whose express purpose was to divine your perfect style by the mere art of quiz-taking. Now, for my modern perspective as you enter your fall semester. Are…
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Rogers is so “sowwy” about nationwide shortage!
July 29, 2022Oh noOoOoO!!! Hey Canada, we’re besties for-eve-sies, right? So itty bitty me is so sowwy you felt like I let you down! fiddles with tiny fingers You guys are using big scary words like “blackout,” “outage,” and “we shouldn’t let…
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Long Story Long: What I learned from my four empty glasses of water
July 28, 2022Dear readers, I’ve had an epiphany so devastating, so special, so simply metamorphic that I must share it with you immediately. We often have small moments in life that feel much bigger than they actually are, almost as though they…
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Local Chinese student bravely claims watching movies is therapy
July 20, 2022This week, The Peak scouted a student who was looking for an interview or a conversation about her experiences, “depending on our feelings and inclinations to heal.” With a fond look towards Turning Red playing on her iPad, she confessed…
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Leaked Among Us movie script
July 18, 2022Gentle readers, The Peak received an exclusive sneak peek of a script we are afraid of . . . the Among Us movie. Today is a sad day. Nay, it is a sussy day. Read and mourn the death of…
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The quintessential curriculum you will encounter as an English student
July 17, 2022My fellow beloved English students, After having spent almost six years at this beloved institution, I have derived the perfect formula for the English class that everyone will experience in university. It comes down to five essentials. Now, I love…
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CONFESSIONALS: If you leave the group chat, I am leaving you for the sharks
June 28, 2022Is this a confessional or a reckoning? At this point, I’m not sure. I am a destroyed woman. And it’s because of you. I will RUIN you. Look, I know how I sound. I’m a nice person. At least, I…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]