Fake News
Pair of tutorial classmates calling it quits after 12 weeks of being acquaintances
July 27, 2015File this article under the “uh-oh” column of bad news: The Peak has received confirmation from multiple sources that second-year Brady Chips and third-year Thomas Finkle, one of SFU’s hottest pair of acquaintances, will be calling it quits on their somewhat friendship at the end of this semester. “Brady thinks Thomas is a chill enough guy, but he’s just not looking for any more friends right now,” a source close to Chips confirmed the power pair’s split. “He’s focussed on other things in his life, like school, work, his girlfriend, the recreational volleyball team he plays with on the weekend,…
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HUMOUR: Ash’s Squirtle called out of retirement to help battle BC wildfires
July 21, 2015With over 200 wildfires (as of print time) currently blazing across British Columbia, the provincial government has called Ash Ketchum’s Squirtle out of retirement to help combat the growing numbers. A once prominent member of the Pokémon trainer’s roster, Ash’s…
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HUMOUR: The Peak’s guide to camping
July 20, 2015It’s that time of year again: the season made for exploring the great outdoors and going camping. (At least that’s what Canadian Tire commercials have taught us. No one currently employed at The Peak has ever actually been camping.) If…
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HUMOUR: Guadalupe to wrap things up later this month, make way for Taco Bell
July 13, 2015The battle for total corporate domination at SFU Burnaby has claimed another victim: last week, beloved food kiosk Guadalupe Handmade Burritos made an announcement that after a short but illustrious run, they will be packing in their beans, guacamole, and…
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HUMOUR: Delta plans shutdown of Alex Fraser Bridge for Magic: The Gathering tournament
June 22, 2015Shortly after the cancellation of the widely criticised ‘Om the Bridge,’ another familiar politician, Delta mayor Lois Jackson, announced that the city will be shutting down a different Lower Mainland bridge for a trading card game tournament. “The City of Delta is…
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HUMOUR: Mandatory blinding deemed only feasible option for male scientists
June 22, 2015Since the profound and extremely accurate remarks made by Nobel Prize winner Tim Hunt — that having women in the lab always leads to romantic entanglement and females weeping whenever criticised — scientists from around the globe have been working…
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HUMOUR: SFU alum to Kickstart documentary on the Universal Studios rides that almost were
June 15, 2015For Jas Khattra, the choice between going to Disneyland or Universal Studios was always an easy decision to make — even at the age of five. “Universal Studios,” he said, laughing. “Mom and dad would always roll their eyes at…
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TransLink promises voters “things will be different this time, baby”
May 22, 2015[caption id="attachment_2649" align="alignnone" width="671"] Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons[/caption] With a May 29 deadline fast approaching for the regional transit referendum, TransLink has again reached out to people who use their services, vowing to change for the better and treat…
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Netflix to begin streaming all of Steph Millers’ family home videos
May 19, 2015[caption id="attachment_2593" align="alignnone" width="940"] Photo courtesy of Cord Cutter News[/caption] Fans and all current members of Steph Miller’s family, rejoice! As of June 1, the on-demand entertainment juggernaut Netflix is adding all of the Millers’ personal home movies to its…
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Sensationalized headlines could lead to mass global extinction, warns expert
March 30, 2015[caption id="attachment_1861" align="alignright" width="300"] Photo courtesy of Wikimedia[/caption] Overdramatic newspaper headlines and misleading presentation of information to the public could lead to the eradication of multiple species on Earth, according to a local expert. The warning comes from Chandler Finks,…
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