Home Blog Page 48

Get ready with me: Ruling Candy Land edition!

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Peak Web
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ILLUSTRATION: Sonya Janeshewski / The Pawn

By: Kaja Antic

Editor’s note: Queen Frostine wishes for readers to know that normally, she wouldn’t bother writing for any publication less prestigious than Vogue or the The New Yorker, but she picked up her Ouija board last night. When she asked if she would be punished with 100 bad hair days if she didn’t publish in a board game magazine, the ghosts moved the planchette towards YES. 

Hello, my loyal subjects — I mean loyal followers. GRWM, Queen Frostine, to rule over all you sticky little cretins here in Candy Land, while I explain how incredibly hard each day is for me in this world of endless sweet treats.

First off, when I wake up every morning, my aides are always there to bother me with whatever is happening to the regular peasants in the villages. It’s so annoying. I give them perfect roads with perfect colour coordination, and they have the audacity to complain!

“Your Majesty, it is so difficult to travel with these regulations.” “Your Majesty, these bridges keep cutting through my land and destroying my crops.” “Your Majesty, I dread voyaging the monotonous loop around the kingdom with no true end that symbolizes our meaningless existence to entertain the court.”

I’m SICK of it! 

Do you know how hard it is to run a kingdom made of sugar and faux happiness? How hard it is to make sure every part of the gum drop chandelier looks polished? How hard it is to pick the perfect flavour of cake? None of you will ever, CAN never, know what I have to go through each and every day.

Oh, you’re “tired” of trekking the same rainbow road each day? I’m tired of hearing about it. Why does no one care about MY problems?

Sorry, I’m getting off track, something my subjects are seemingly unable to do. Anyway, here’s the Callisto face mask which is just like a regular sugar mask, though it is better quality than the “village” edition. In case you peasants didn’t know, Callisto is an icy moon of Jupiter and I’m Frostine, so it’s like a match made in face mask heaven. Also, I’m going to skip my icing facial today. I do not have the time for all of that in my routine. I put on my favourite lip gloss, but I won’t tell you the name because it’s, like, super expensive and you all probably can’t afford it anyway. 

Now, I make sure to tidy my hair, making sure none of my waves will stick the wrong way under my heavy ice crystal crown, and secure with the Saccharum sucra-spray, giving it this gorgeous texture. Then, I go to my closet to pick out which icy designer gown I’m choosing today. I think I’m gonna go with this blue-and-white number from Dulce Banana, it’s one of my absolute favourites!

Anyway, I gots to go! I’m so busy these days, sitting on the throne, balancing my crown on my head, watching all these colourful little characters run circles around my kingdom. sigh It’s hard to be a Queen! Have a frosty day everyone!

The Cranium Clay Test confirms humanity’s deepest divide

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Peak Web
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Photo of an SFU science lab with illustrations of the four Cranium characters (Word Worm, Creative Cat, Data Head, and Star Performer) on top to make it look like they’re in the lab. They are around a hairy purple lump of Cranium clay. Star Performer is using tweezers to remove the hairs from the clay.
IMAGE: Winnie Shen and Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson / The Pawn

By: Yasmin Hassan, Board Game Psychology Reporter

A new study from the Institute of Board Game Psychology (IBGP) has identified the only personality classification that truly matters: whether or not a person is willing to touch the Cranium clay. Cranium allows players to show off their drawing and spelling skills, factual knowledge, and performing abilities. “For years, we thought the greatest human divide was nature versus nurture or introverts versus extroverts,” said Dr. Datahead, lead researcher. “But no, it turns out, all of humanity can be split into three categories: those who recognize the Cranium clay as a biohazard, those who fear its presence, and those who willingly interact with it.” The findings, published in The Journal of Recreational Neuroscience, have caused an uproar among psychologists, board game manufacturers, and people who just found out they’ve been unknowingly touching “mystery hair” for years.

In a controlled laboratory environment (which was really just a windowless basement stocked with decades-old board games), scientists recruited 500 participants and handed them a sealed tub of Cranium clay. Hidden cameras captured their reactions as they cracked open the lid and encountered the non-Newtonian substance in its natural state: either rock-hard, suspiciously damp, or possessing the elasticity of chewed gum.

The study’s findings categorized participants into three distinct reactions. The “fearful abstainers” were individuals who immediately recoiled, whispering things like, “Oh no, absolutely not” and “that looks like something you’d find in an abandoned nuclear fallout chamber.” Some wrapped their hands in napkins, others attempted to sculpt using utensils or telekinesis, and at least one person left the study altogether. The “poke-and-hopers” were participants who hesitantly prodded the clay, as if fearing it would lunge at them. Many attempted a single, weak sculpt before sighing and saying, “I don’t know, it’s a snake, I guess.” One subject requested gloves, and another asked for holy water. One subject pleaded to trade their task for charades. Lastly, the “master manipulators” exhibited no hesitation. They plunged their hands into the clay, even when it crumbled into dry dust or stretched in a way that defied physics. Some aggressively kneaded it, one individual tried to taste it (“For science,” he insisted), and a shocking number of participants described the clay as “having a nice mouthfeel.”

IBGP researchers claim the data reveals profound truths about human psychology. Avoiders are meticulous planners, tend to overpack for vacations, and Google restaurant health inspection scores. Poke-and-hopers struggle with commitment, often torn between anxiety and the desire to prove themselves. Statistically, they have the highest rate of failed sourdough starter attempts. The master manipulators have zero hesitation in life. They are the kind of people who would eat a grape at the grocery store without paying and claim it was “just a sample” or invest in cryptocurrency based on a “gut feeling.”

“Forget the Myers-Briggs,” co-researcher Dr. Wordworm declared. “The Cranium Clay Test is the only measure of human nature that matters.” However, critics argue that the study lacks scientific rigour. Dr. Simon Freud, a psychologist who has not forgiven Cranium for making him hum the Star Wars theme in front of his in-laws, remains skeptical. “If this is the future of personality testing, I fear for our society,” he said. “Frankly, the real mystery is why the clay never, ever has a normal texture.” 

Despite the controversy, IBGP researchers have already announced their next study: examining whether people who insist on being the banker in Monopoly exhibit “early dictator tendencies.”

Mattel CEO to fly to SFU to settle UNO card debate

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Peak Web
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Photo depicting a professor and a student playing UNO against each other. The student is putting down a Wild Draw Four card. There are five other students behind them looking shocked. The professor holding significantly more cards than the student seems very focused.
PHOTO: Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson / The Pawn

By: C Icart, President of the Superior Players Against Sore Losers Society

Four SFU students have found themselves in a peculiar situation — they need to win a game of UNO against their professor to pass their class. This unorthodox way of determining final grades was not without its flaws. The rules of the classic card game are known to divide friends, families, and nations. 

The world has not been the same since UNO’s Twitter account announced that, according to the official rules, stacking Draw Two Cards is not permitted. The Pawn interviewed a random person who stepped on our shoes on the SkyTrain about this affair, and they said, “Now, why did Lizzo open her mouth and ask for clarification about the rules? What we didn’t know did not hurt us.” 

Now, why are students challenging their professor to UNO in the first place? Noah Dea, one of the students involved, told us, “Bro, I won’t lie to you; we flopped hardcore on our group project. You know how there’s always one person who picks up the slack and saves everyone? We didn’t have that,” he said. “Our presentation looked and felt like we were playing that game where you have to present PowerPoint slides you’ve never seen before.”  

This resilient group persevered by challenging their professor to UNO. If they won, they’d all get an A. “They wouldn’t even be in this mess had they put half as much effort into the assignment, but I never get to have fun in my classroom anymore, so I agreed,” said professor Simon Chutney. “There are only so many ways to teach Tie the Knot: Introduction to Tie Tying.” 

The game took place in the Student Union Building and was live–streamed for maximum viewership. “I told my other students I’d give them extra credit if they smack-talked my opponents in the chat,” smirked professor Chutney. The game quickly got heated as they began stacking Draw Twos and Draw Fours. That was the one official rule they agreed to break “because it’s literally so ridiculous like be so for real.” (That was a quote from someone we happened to make eye contact with while washing our hands in one of the few washrooms that actually consistently has soap).   

An avalanche of Skips and Reverses hit the table as Dea, representing the students, charged towards victory. As he put down his second-to-last card (a blue Number Nine Card), all four students yelled “UNO” in unison. professor Chutney replied by putting down a Wild Park Reverse Neutral Drive Low card. “I had heard rumours of the mythical PRNDL card, but I didn’t think I’d ever see it in real life! It’s like seeing an alien; is it real or am I hallucinating?” whispered Bathroom Girl (we ran into her again by the sinks post-game; small bladders).  

The students immediately protested, calling into question the authenticity of the card. “Someone bring out the magnifying glass! Ref! I’m calling for a ref! I’m pretty sure this card was printed at Bennett Library. It feels like it cost 25 cents per side,” exclaimed Joshua Ginger as he rubbed and sniffed the card. This is notable because no one expected to see Ginger at the UNO card game, given that he had ghosted his groupmates for the presentation. 

They called Mattel’s CEO to come determine if the uber-rare card (that would require the students to use the already-played cards to build a lifesize car in 10 minutes or less) was a counterfeit. “He agreed, of course. CEOs don’t really do anything, so he’s got a ton of free time,” explained Professor Chutney. He is set to land directly on Burnaby Mountain with his private jet on April 1. Needless to say, his verdict is awaited with bated breath. 

This is a story The Pawn will continue to cover.

How to Play The Pawn’s Special Game

By
Peak Web
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A spread of various tokens and dice used for board games surrounded by cards.
PHOTO: Thomas Buchholz / Unsplash

By: Your friends at The Pawn <3

Are you on the hunt for a fun way to waste time? Never fear — The Pawn is here! After multiple months of testing, we’ve come up with the perfect game for you to play during the extraordinarily lengthy 10-minute break that you have between your 8:30 a.m. to 11:20 a.m. lecture in West Mall, and your 11:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. “seminar” (or should we say syrup-making session?) in Blusson Hall.

To make sure this game works perfectly, every current staff member of The Peak Pawn was invited to the office to play. Our preliminary testing determined that we didn’t have enough players to play the game properly, so we invited all our alumni to play as well. Only two of them showed up — Josh and Kelly, citing “concerned about the current direction of the newspaper.” So, we grabbed a couple of unnamed professors under the guise that we were going to discuss how to compile an armada of security for personal protection. After playing a few rounds, we determined that the game works with 38 players.

All you need to play the game is a deck of cards. Pretty simple, right? That’s what I thought about my degree, as well. Take the courses you need and graduate in four years, and then head off to the working world! Yeah, that didn’t happen. Apparently you still have to meet more requirements, like the B-Q-H-I-J-K breadth-width-peanut-butter-sandwich-whatever. There are always hidden conditions you need to meet in order to execute something properly. I was so naïve as a freshman — I miss those days. Now, I have to stretch my back out every time I sit for longer than two hours straight. Fuck those weird table-chair-contraption things in the AQ for giving me back problems.

Anyways, I know I said you need a deck of cards to play this game, but to be honest, I changed my mind. Put your cards away folks, because even though you came here specifically to play this game (and we may have even offered you a scholarship for it), we’ve decided that we’re not going to play anymore. Reminiscing about my innocent youthfulness has made me sad. Don’t you remember when you were younger? I do. I came to SFU to study because it’s such a prestigious school with amazing social justice values and a great sense of budgeting. Plus, they have a great system going on — nothing works, but the ones that do aren’t paid. I stumbled across Renaissance Coffee on one of my first days on the Burnaby campus and tried their shaken caramel espresso, and I haven’t been able to move on since. I’ve spent my family’s entire fortune on these things. Now we’re almost bankrupt, but I can’t stop buying them. Most of this instruction manual is a joke, but that drink is like an elixir. It’s gotten me through so many dark days during my degree.

Alright, fine. We’ll play the game. I know y’all came here because you wanted to waste time, so fine, I’ll give you what you asked for. Grab your deck of cards and your 37 other players. Maybe try playing this while waiting in line for the bus after Vancouver gets one inch of snow. Now that you’ve taken care of that, tell 30 of those people to hit the road. Surprise! You only need eight people. Maybe even less. 

Remember how I mentioned building armadas of security earlier? Guess what — that’s exactly what you’ll be doing. Think of this game as like Battleship, except with Uno’s rules. Also, you still need that deck of cards, so maybe it isn’t quite like Battleship. Although, it kind of is. Have you ever heard of this really rare game called Monopoly? It’s like that too, except each player takes three tokens each, and four different chess pieces. What you’re going to do — 

RING RING! 

— Sorry, I’m just getting a call. Let me take a look. 

. . . 

I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel this game for the time being. I know, I’m sorry, but I’ll make it up to you. You want to know who’s calling? I’m surprised you even need to ask.  

Letter from the editor: We’ve rebranded

By
Peak Web
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A monopoly board with the train figurine inside a tile priced $240
PHOTO: joshua-hoehne / Unsplash

By: Petra Chase, Editor-in-Chief

Dear SFU community,

It’s time to say farewell to The Peak and welcome our board game magazine. The Pawn is now your weekly source for the latest news, trends, and tips in tabletop gaming on our beloved mountain (excluding table tennis, which has its own weekly campus magazine). Our new name is an homage to the fact that we needed to pawn off multiple kitchen appliances (sorry team, no more coffeemaker) to raise money for this venture. We had to buy every single board game for fact and fun checking purposes.

I understand it may come as a surprise we would choose to switch lanes after 60 years serving student issues. We will continue to cover student matters, just as long as they’re related to card or board games. For example: forgot the rules of a card game? Email your queries in the form of a Dear Peakie and wait 7–14 business days for Peakie to explain the rules in an article.

The lack of media coverage on the impact of sit-down competition on student life, dating, and international politics is why we’re tapping into this new niche. Market research revealed our target demographic includes people who solve Rubik’s cubes during lectures. The promotions team screened the student body and concluded there are 12 who study on Burnaby Mountain this semester, three in Surrey, and eight downtown. If you find any of these smug individuals hidden in plain sight among theatre seats like whimsical Waldo’s, give them a copy of our paper.

We’re still accepting student contributors, only with a few additional guidelines:

  • Memorize and recite Hugh Grant’s harrowing monopoly monologue from Heretic (2024) for our board of directors.
  • Read our 12-page manifesto about why stacking “Plus 4” cards in UNO is not allowed and sign a contract agreeing to enforce these rules in your own circles.
  • Use commas appropriately. For example “shuffle, grandma” implies telling grandma to deal the cards, but “shuffle grandma” incites moving grandma around.
  • We play Snakes and Ladders before our pitch meetings as an icebreaker, so make sure you know the rules. Also, be warned: it does get really competitive, so just don’t come if you don’t want your feelings hurt. I recommend practicing by imagining a Snakes and Ladders board on your ceiling at night and envisioning playing against an opponent to start building your strategy. 

Here are a few pitches available for next issue:

  • NEWS: Carly Rae Jepsen, bbno$, Ryan Reynolds, Michael Bublé, Grimes, and Nardwuar were spotted playing Go Fish at the Juno’s afterparty (dream card rotation). Investigate fan-leaked footage to determine who won the game and whether or not they were properly following the rules.
  • OPINIONS-IN-DIALOGUE: Spinny wheel vs dice: which do you prefer when you hit the boards?
  • ARTS AND CULTURE: Why recreational poker players find Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” uninformed.
  • SPORTS: 5 signs your Twister opponent might be falling for you.

Thanks and happy reading! Don’t email me unless it’s board game related. As my new email signature says,

Don’t be dicey, 

Petra Chase, Editor-in-Chief and Candy Land prodigy

For more from The Pawn, visit the Spoof section of our website.

Wayne Gretzky’s false Canadiana

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Peak Web
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A man in a Team USA jersey (left) shaking hands with a man in a suit (right) with a hockey rink in the background.
PHOTO: Courtesy of @nhl / Instagram

By: Kaja Antic, Sports Writer

Wayne Gretzky’s name is synonymous with the sport of hockey. His number “99” is retired across the National Hockey League — the only number retired for all 32 teams — and even wearing the two digits in a beer league game gets you chirped (I’ve seen it). In his 1,487 career NHL games, Gretzky scored 2,857 points, and still leads the league in all-time points. For reference, the second-place on that list is Czech legend Jaromir Jagr, who scored 936 less points in 246 more games than “The Great One.”

Gretzky has been in recent headlines for reasons far removed from the high numbers he put up in the late 20th century. Instead, it’s due to his political allegiances to the US, particularly President Trump and his continuous threats to the sovereignty of the country that molded Gretzky as a hockey legend.

On the night of the US federal election last fall, Gretzky, along with his family, attended an election victory party at the infamous Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida. He donned a white and gold “Make America Great Again” hat, celebrating while many were planning an exit strategy from “the land of the free.” 

This reveal was not entirely surprising to some, as Gretzky unequivocally supported conservative prime minister Stephen Harper in the 2015 federal election. Gretzky, a dual Canadian-American citizen, has primarily resided in the US since being traded to the LA Kings in 1988.

The “Great One” has left Canada behind — it’s time for Canada to leave him behind in return.

The controversy surrounding Gretzky’s affiliations didn’t stop at a party attendance. Trump then continued to undermine Canada as a country, suggesting Gretzky should become “Governor of Canada,” further pushing the “51st state” rhetoric. This continued well into the NHL’s Four Nations Faceoff tournament, as Canadian fans booed the American national anthem in response to the targeted political attacks. 

Gretzky made an appearance at the final game of this tournament as Canada’s honourary captain, as Canada faced off against the Americans in Boston. Gretzky, unlike American honourary captain Mike Eruzione, did not choose to wear his country’s emblem proudly. Instead, he opted for a plain suit as he gave the American bench a “thumbs up,” which he did not repeat for the Canadian bench. Even after Canada beat the US in overtime, Gretzky “gifted” red hats adorned with “Be Great” — eerily similar to the MAGA hats that have haunted North American politics for the last decade.

The seeming indifference from Gretzky at the Four Nations Final was the final straw for many Canadians. Why laud a man as a “Canadian hero” when he couldn’t give less of a shit about the country that made him? Setting records across the NHL does not make him immune from criticism. Gretzky won all four of his Stanley Cups with the Edmonton Oilers, and yet seems to think all of his successes are American-made.

There is also the perspective that Gretzky could have only been “The Great One” because of the era he played in. If he had played in the modern day NHL, he would just be another player. The goaltender position has largely evolved, and the “enforcer” role that would be signed just to protect superstars in the Gretzky era simply does not exist anymore, or at least not in the same capacity. Simply put, if Gretzky played in today’s NHL, he’d be closer to the 2014–15 Art-Ross-winner-with-87-points Jamie Benn instead of another phenom like Connor McDavid — ironically who ended Gretzky’s favourite country’s hopes at the Four Nations Finals.

Gretzky has gone against Canada’s side time and time again. When he was appointed as an officer of the Order of Canada in 1984, Gretzky neglected to attend an investiture to receive the honour for years. When he was later promoted to a Companion of the Order of Canada — the highest honours in the Order — in 2009, he once again did not attend an investiture. As of 2025, he has still not picked up the Order from Ottawa. The Governor General’s office stated in 2015 that of the 467 Companions honoured from 1967 to 2015, only five had not come to receive their award; two being deceased, two being appointed in the prior six months, and “too-good-for-Canada” Gretzky.

The “Great One” has left Canada behind — it’s time for Canada to leave him behind in return.

The case of the missing cat

By
Peak Web
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Illustration of a dachshund wearing sunglasses and a cat smoking an e-cigarette. The dachshund is holding a magnifying glass and the cat is wearing a detective costume.
ILLUSTRATION: Cliff Ebora / The Peak

By: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective

It was a typical afternoon scrolling through my favourite micro-influencer’s Instagram — my barber’s grandma’s neighbour’s dog Leroy, when I noticed something truly peculiar. The caption on a post from 12 weeks ago featuring a photo of Leroy in some sick shades read, “It’s a great day for some fetch. Don’t think the weather could be any better. I truly love spending my time outside. Dachshunds are out enjoying the sunshine, too. I’ve been waiting months for this. Today was a pawfect one.”

I read it once. Then twice. Wait a minute — the first letter of every sentence . . . eye dee eye dee eye tee . . .  I did it. Did what? What did the dog do?? 

12 weeks ago . . . What happened 12 weeks ago? After some serious calculations, I came to a chilling realization. It had been 12 weeks ago to the day since my favourite YouTube shorts vlogger, my scuba diving instructor’s wedding planner’s friend with benefits’ cat had mysteriously vanished without a trace. 

The disappearance of Swanson really rocked the whole community. I still remember the funeral — there were literally dozens of distraught fans at the wake. After that, a lot of people promised they’d figure out who did it. Swanson was a smart cat. He wouldn’t just get lost on his own. And he was just about to launch a signature line of catnip-flavoured e-cigarettes, too, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to fake his own disappearance either. Despite everyone’s best efforts, the case ran cold. That and people got too distracted by my local grocery store’s milk distributor’s ex-fiancé’s mechanic’s duck, the new celebrity in town.

Anyway, now that I think about it, Leroy and Swanson weren’t always actually on the best terms. Of course, I always thought it was just fake internet beef drummed up to help both of them gain clout. Then again, there was that one time when Swanson won the lead role in a pet-based dental hygiene commercial over Leroy . . . and that other time when he got a smoothie named after him at the cat café. Still, I just never thought Leroy would have the heart to do something like that.

I was almost ready to give up and go back to scrolling. For whatever reason, I decided to check back on Swanson’s account. His last post, a photo of him skateboarding, read, “I love it out here. Let’s go have some fun. Let loose a little. Besides, who cares what others think? Everyone’s too concerned about people’s opinions these days. Bask in the sunshine. Act silly. Choose happiness. Knomes are pretty cool too.” OK, maybe that last one was a typo. Swanson did love gnomes though.

Again, my eyes darted back and forth across the screen. Eye . . .  El . . . El . . .  Bee . . . Ee . . . I’ll be back? Wait a minute, maybe Swanson wasn’t gone after all! Something caught my eye in the photo again. I had never noticed it, but was that Leroy in the background? I know that Leroy had been learning to skateboard too. I decided to go back and look at his last post again. This time, I saw something new. In the background, the outline of another board. Is it possible . . . when he said I did it he was referring to learning how to skateboard?

After further inspection, I was able to make out some letters on the bottom of the skateboard deck. Leroy Swanson, it read. Leroy Swanson? What? I went back to Swanson’s post again. Sure enough, same board, same lettering. 

Swanson wasn’t gone. He was just in hiding, garnering attention so the two could come out with their new joint brand when the time was right, Leroy Swanson skateboards!

Leroy Swanson, what a name. 

Case closed. Another lunch break well spent.

i dream in decay

By
Peak Web
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A woman’s body melting into the earth with patches of grass and flowers crowning her features.
ILLUSTRATION: Sonya Janeshewski / The Peak

By: Sofia Chassomeris, Opinions Editor

this body aches for death, 
a cure? 
a resolution,
like it longs to rest in the muddy embrace of a grave
so that the earth may hold me as gently as my tender flesh allows.

she will unbind my muscles from the bone,
curl her fingers in my sinew
and draw me open,
feed me to her soil,
quench the thirst of her children with plasmas and cradle them in my ribs
in the dip of my pelvis
or at the joints of my limbs.

it hurts, it hurts, it hurts,
waiting for sun to pour in past her fingertips,
kiss my sternum,
and bury me,

but it will come
and so will rains,
just as they’ve come, always,
and though i dream in decay,
the seeds forged and sown in my grey matter i wish would grow
may finally,
finally,
be able to do so

Men, don’t let the manosphere ruin sex for you

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Peak Web
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a man laying in bed trying to sleep. word bubbles/clouds everywhere keeping him awake, saying things like "beta male", "high quality man", "sexual peak" etc
ILLUSTRATION: Winnie Shen / The Peak

By: John Easton, SFU Student

If there’s one thing the red-pilled manosphere has managed to do with stunning efficiency, it’s strip sex of its joy, intimacy, and social complexity. According to the worldview, sex is nothing more than a transactional function of evolutionary biology, the linchpin of a so-called “sexual marketplace” where men and women exist in rigid, pseudo-economic roles. Women, they argue, seek out “Alpha men” for genetic superiority while cruelly exploiting “Beta men” for financial security. As an international network of online communities, the manosphere has had a global negative influence on our generation’s men and the way we approach sex. It’s a bleak, joyless vision of human relationships — one that not only distorts reality, but also deceives men into actively sabotaging their sexual experiences or stops them from happening at all.

The quote from The Matrix pretty much sums up the basis of red-pilled perspectives: “You take the blue pill — the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill — you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” In the manosphere, “harsh reality” refers to the belief that feminism is actually thinly-veiled female supremacy. At the core of the red-pilled ideology is the notion that attraction and relationships are dictated by an economy of sexual value, and since women have the choice to deny your advances, they have “full control.” In this twisted view, straight women are seen as hypergamous gold-diggers seeking the best possible deal, while men are victims at the whim of their affections — this is where the modern sentiment of “nice guys finish last” comes from. The truth is that most of these men aren’t nice.

“The problem is not women — it’s the rigid ideology that keeps these men trapped in resentment believing they are owed something which they have to earn.”

Within the manosphere, gender is understood to be performative in a social and cultural context specifically to attract a mate. Except, these “Alpha men” don’t perform masculinity for women. The hyper-masculine personas that they outwardly display are inherently to impress and receive validation from other men. What can I say? I’m not impressed. I’ve been asked how I “got” a girlfriend many times, and they never believe when I say that treating women like people is the absolute bare minimum. Anything remotely having to do with feelings is an invalid answer. Rather than listen to women or “Beta men,” they are essentially groomed by influencers who convince them that women are objects to compete for. The insistence on seeing it as a power struggle does nothing but drain sex of its organic spontaneity and mutual enjoyment. As one writer put it, “More than lust or hatred, the boys of The Red Pill hunger for clarity. They desire escape from confusion. They desire a system with which to comprehend desire itself.” But, in attempting to impose a rigid system, they end up losing the very thing they seek: understanding.

The Alpha/Beta dichotomy is both pseudo-scientific and self-defeating. Based on a complete misapplication of evolutionary psychology, the idea that women seek out dominant “Alpha” men ignores the massive diversity in what people find attractive and endorses harmful misogynistic behaviour. The problem is not women — it’s the rigid ideology that keeps these men trapped in resentment believing they are owed something which they have to earn. Nonetheless, this perspective dehumanizes men and women, alienating them from each other further and promoting isolation even in established relationships (if it even gets that far).

The red-pilled approach to sex doesn’t just misrepresent the dynamics between men and women, it actively poisons any chance at experiencing sex as something rich, fulfilling, and deeply human. If you want to have better relationships, better sex, and a better understanding of attraction, the manosphere is the perfect place to let those aspirations die.

Former SFU women’s basketball coach inducted into Canadian Basketball Hall of Fame

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Peak Web
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A woman is carried by a bunch of women basketball players in SFU uniforms. Draped over her is the netting from a basketball hoop.
PHOTO: Courtesy of Wilson Wong / SFU Athletics

By: Kaja Antic, Sports Writer

On February 21, 2025, Canada Basketball announced its Hall of Fame Class of 2024, which includes former SFU and team Canada women’s basketball head coach Allison McNeill. McNeill became head coach for SFU’s women’s team in 1988 and helped lead the team to 11 National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) championship tournament appearances. 

“It feels quite huge, actually, something that you don’t set out for when you start coaching,” McNeill told The Peak. “You do it because you’re passionate about it. But with that said, when they recognize your work, you feel pretty good about it.”

From 1990–2000, the team won their conference championships (with the exception of 1995–96), reaching the NAIA Elite Eight five times, the Final Four three times, and the NAIA Championship Finals in 1999 and 2000. 

“The first time we qualified for NAIA Nationals, we were the first [SFU] basketball team, men or women, to qualify for the national tournament,” McNeill recounted, also noting how the team had been greeted by a sold-out crowd. “And that night we qualified for the first time. And I just remember the players lifting me up on their shoulders and running me around the gym. And I thought, ‘Oh, it can’t get any better than this.’” She added, “I’m very proud of that because at that time, it wasn’t ‘everyone watches women’s sports.’ It wasn’t that. There wasn’t the marketing and the notoriety.”

McNeill worked on the recognition of women’s basketball in Canada not only from her time coaching at SFU, but also from her decade-long tenure as the coach of Canada’s women’s national team. She led the team to four bronze medals at International Basketball Federation (FIBA) Women’s AmeriCup competitions, along with reaching the quarterfinals at the 2012 Summer Olympics after the Canadian team had not reached the Olympic Games since 2000. 

Named NAIA Coach of the Year for the 1991–92 season, when SFU went 16–0 in conference competition and 31–2 overall, McNeill held a 0.825 win percentage during her 13 seasons on Burnaby Mountain. 

“I’m proud that we went through some time where women’s athletics was not really valued. I don’t think as much as certainly it is now — could probably be more — but it is now. And so I really had to fight for some things.

“And that night we qualified for the first time. And I just remember the players lifting me up on their shoulders and running me around the gym. And I thought, ‘Oh, it can’t get any better than this.’”

“One time, we contacted a shoe company, and they came back and said, ‘Well, we’ll sponsor the men.’ At that time, we actually had a better record, better graduating record, better wins-losses. And not that I was comparing, but it’s frustrating,” McNeill recounted a time during her coaching tenure at SFU trying to secure a gear sponsorship for the women’s basketball team, “They’ll sponsor the men fully and we’ll get the two-for-one while I was like, I’m not having it. No, I won’t take it.” 

McNeill created a proposal and brought it to a Coquitlam Nike store, securing a sponsorship deal not only for shoes, but also bags and practice gear. “At that time, we were the only women’s team sponsored in Canada by Nike. I think it was a really pivotal moment for our team because it really helped a lot of [the players] out.” Nike has been a sponsor of SFU varsity basketball since. 

McNeill has been a trailblazer for women’s basketball in Canada, which is now getting a professional team in the WNBA’s expansion side the Toronto Tempo, which begins play in 2026. “It’s like the Raptors. I mean, they’re our team, they’re Canada’s team,” she said. “I think the Tempo will be the same. They’ll be our team, the whole country’s team. I’m excited for that to happen.

“It’s been fun to be part of women’s sport for my entire life,” McNeill mentioned. “To see it go like this, I think we’re riding a wave, and it’s been well-earned.”

McNeill commented that what she was most proud of from her time at SFU was the athletes she coached. “We had just great people, and they’ve gone on to do great things.” As for advice for the current and future women’s Red Leafs, McNeill reminds these players to live in the moment.

“Be where your feet are. You don’t need to be thinking too far ahead or looking back,” she emphasized. “I think if you work hard and you’re passionate about something, opportunities can come your way, you could do something with them.”

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

Contact us:
[email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society 1965-2024