Oh snap! Everyone’s favourite teenage psychic is back! And he sees a future full of glitter.
Created by Paige Smith & Eric Smith for the Teen Peak Spoof Edition.
Milk Spill
Last week, Austin, the Peak Sports Editor, wrote an editor’s voice extolling the virtues of milk: sipping it, drinking it, bathing in it… so we decided to put him to the test.
Football head coach candidates down to three
In the wake of former football head coach Jacques Chapdelaine’s recent departure, SFU Athletics have narrowed their search for a replacement down to three candidates.
Among the frontrunners is Hamilton Tiger Cats special teams coordinator Jeff Reinebold, who is fresh off a Grey Cup appearance, with his Tiger Cats falling to the Calgary Stampeders.
Reinebold, a native of South Bend, IN, is no stranger to coaching in BC, having started his CFL coaching career as a wide receivers and special teams coach with the BC Lions in 1991. He had his only head coaching gig in the CFL with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers in the 1997 and 1998 seasons, where he also served as general manager.
He also has coaching experience at both the NCAA and NAIA levels. After this year’s Grey Cup appearance, Reinebold has been spending his time as an NFL analyst for the UK-based Sky Sports — most recently covering this year’s Super Bowl.
Throughout his career, Reinebold has been known as a highly regarded recruiter, and in 2007 was named one of the top 25 college recruiters in America by Rivals.com.
According to Sportsnet’s Arash Madani, this isn’t the first time that Reinebold has been in the running for the SFU head coaching job. Before Jacques Chapdelaine was hired last year, Madani tweeted that Reinebold was “intrigued” by the job.
The other two frontrunner’s names have not been released, according to sports information director Steve Frost, because “they are currently coaching at other NCAA schools.”
BC Lions receivers coach Khari Jones — who was recently demoted from offensive coordinator — and former Saskatchewan Roughriders defensive backs coach Barron Miles were also reported to be in an earlier shortlist, but they no longer appear to be in the running.
Frost noted that SFU Athletics is not rushing to any decisions.
“We would like to hire a new coach as quickly as possible but we want to take our time to make sure we get the right person,” he said in an email. “Since Jacques [Chapdelaine] left, it has been business as usual under the direction of the current staff. Off-season workouts and recruiting are continuing. There is not a sense of urgency, but we want to move as quickly as we can to find our next coach.”
Over both last week and this week, the candidates have been coming to Burnaby campus for further interviews, including meeting SFU Football alumni. The last of the three coaching candidates will make a campus visit today.
Senate Report
By Melissa Roach
Scholarships, Awards, and Bursaries
At the last meeting of the SFU Senate on Feb. 2, senators reviewed the annual report from Senate’s Policy Committee on Scholarships, Awards, and Bursaries.
One senator, Paul Percival, raised concerns over a difference in how funding is being allocated. In particular, he questioned a decrease in entrance scholarships in favour of a move towards other application-based awards.
President Andrew Petter explained that this signifies a shift from an automatic system to a discretionary one, putting the university “more in line with the targets, instead of exceeding [them].”
Another issue taken up at the meeting related to the yearly amount of bursary funding provided to undergraduate international students versus domestic students.
Senator Daniel Leznoff pointed out that 25 per cent of international students are receiving financial awards, while less 10 per cent of domestic students are. “This is despite the fact that undergraduate international students are meant to be financially self-sufficient upon arrival,” he stated.
Petter responded by noting the added burden on international students as their tuition fees are incrementally being raised. A quarter of the annual 10 per cent increase is to be put back into financial awards for international students.
“It’s refreshing to hear the criticism from this side, because there’s been a lot of concern raised this year about the fact that we are increasing international tuition,” he added.
Student senator Chardaye Bueckert spoke in defense of scholarships for international students, saying that the money allocated to international student awards and services is small in comparison to the income the university receives from their tuition.
SFU filmmakers’ ad shown at the Super Bowl
By Jamal Dumas
A record number of viewers tuned in to Superbowl XLIX on Sunday, February 1, and an uncoordinated and rebellious shark was not the only breakout star.
Graham and Nelson Talbot, both graduates of the SFU film program, produced and directed a 30-second advertisement for Doritos featuring a flying pig, as part of the Doritos Crash the Super Bowl Contest.
The twins took the second place title, winning a cash prize totalling $50,000.
Graham commented on his first reactions after the winners were announced. “It was the most intense feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life” said Graham.
Both Graham and Nelson were present in Phoenix, Arizona to watch the football championship game in person. Graham was even treated to a private box with the other finalists and executives from Doritos.
“I saw the first shot of my spot come up and I just erupted out of my chair. I couldn’t even contain myself. I just started screaming,” he said.
Graham described watching the Super Bowl in person as “one of many people’s bucket list items.”
The top prize, totaling $1 million, went to a man from Illinois. Graham acknowledged his competitor’s efforts. “That was my number one pick,” he stated. “I’m happy for him, I would be happy for any of the finalists to win, because all of them are such great people.”
Asked if he would have changed anything about his spot, Graham said, “If there was one thing I would change, it’s the very last shot of our commercial. I just wish it had a little more punch or a little more impact. Besides that, I feel like we accomplished our concept we set out to shoot.”
While Graham intends to take the next few days to relax and “field the media blitz,” above all else, he wants “consistent work for the future.”
When asked where he intends to go from this high point, Graham said, “I want to be able to keep telling stories and making movies as long as I can, and hopefully this is going to help me do that.”
Build SFU members revealed to be reptilian aliens, vow revenge on decision to reject debenture
On January 21, the students of Simon Fraser University decided to reject giving a debenture to Build SFU for the construction of a Student Union Building (SUB) and stadium. The vote was close, but Build SFU fell short of the 75 per cent approval rate needed, with only 65 per cent of voters in favour.
For many, this was considered a relief from what was seen as needless expense for students; for a select few who knew the truth, it may have saved the human race from enslavement by reptilian aliens.
“I was leaving a Build SFU meeting late one night when I realized I’d forgotten my car keys in the office,” a secret informer, who formerly volunteered on the Build SFU committee, told The Peak. “I ran back to get them and there they were in full-lizard form. It was then that I learned the dastardly truth about Build SFU’s inner leadership circle.”
The informer described how, by listening in on Build SFU’s conversation, he learned that their key figures were of a reptilian species known as the Anunnaki. According to the informer, the Anunnaki were the original hidden rulers of Babylon and have, over the years, infiltrated human society — with figures ranging from country superstar Willie Nelson to current US President Barack Obama.
“Weirdly enough, if I hadn’t been there, we would have surely been enslaved and wouldn’t even be having this conversation,” said the informer.
Build SFU’s proposed stadium was to be the landing site of the reptilian fleet’s invasion, while the SUB would have been used as a broadcasting station and as a transmitter of a radio wave-based mind control device that would have enslaved humanity. With the ugly truth of Build SFU revealed, the informer reached out to the remaining human student leaders on campus and told them what he’d learned.
“We realized we could not disseminate the complete truth to the students,” said the informer. “It would have caused mass panic, and could have instigated a premature attack by these reptilian bastards.” Student leaders, under the guise of trying to stop ludicrous student expenditures, formed the coalition “No To Build SFU” to save the planet.
“We launched a really tough political campaign to halt the damn thing,” said one such SFU freedom fighter. “Thank God the expenses were so high, and that students are apathetic enough that they never turn out in droves to support anything concerning SFU.”
The strategy seems to have paid off, as the campaign ended with Build SFU losing by 10 per cent — though the informer is still uncomfortable with how close the proposal came to passing. “That small of a margin was a little too close for comfort if you ask me. But hey, at least we aren’t slaves.”
Unfortunately for the informer and other members of No To Build SFU, the reptilians have launched a reprisal. Cryptic and threatening messages have been sent out to the informer and his compatriots, with no return addresses. The informer is assured that it is indeed the Anunnaki, and hopes that with this publicity people may rise up against the reptilian powers that be: “As long as Build SFU keeps bringing forth construction proposals, we have a long way to go before we can end this extraterrestrial menace.”
North Korea strikes again in latest celebrity hacking scandalNorth Korea strikes again in latest celebrity hacking scandal
Hollywood actors James Franco and Seth Rogen are the latest victims in a series of online security scandals.
The same North Korean hackers who allegedly breached Sony Pictures Entertainment back in November of 2014 have been credited with this latest incident. According to reports, the hackers were dissatisfied with Sony’s online release of The Interview, and have reacted by launching a direct attack on the stars of the film: as of last Tuesday morning, both Franco’s and Rogen’s recent online search histories were made publicly available on popular Internet forum 4chan.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Rogen, who also wrote, directed, and produced The Interview, tweeted after the information had been leaked. “You can’t just release a person’s search history. That shit is private, man. My grandmother saw those things.”
Examples of Rogen’s recent Google searches include: “Boobs,” “What is satire,” “Script for Team America: World Police,” and “Jonah Hill weight loss.”
Amongst Franco’s recent Google searches were: “Why do people hate my films,” “How to build hype for a terrible movie,” and “Where can I buy a selfie stick.”
While the complex reasons behind these searches have led to speculation on this new information, The Peak reached out to a professor of psychology at New York University, Edward Shrinkton, to analyse the leaked data.
“The search history reveals a lot about the individual,” suggested Shrinkton. “Rogen predominantly uses the Internet for pornography and to look for creative inspiration, indicating a very basic, almost caveman-like persona. Franco, on the other hand, is a deeply self-conscious individual trying to find his identity in an industry notorious for being artificial and lacking sincerity.”
The incident has since sparked widespread panic, as most people were seemingly unaware that this kind of cyber-crime was even possible. Google has noted a considerable rise in the use of the “incognito” tab in Chrome, as Internet users scramble to eliminate the digital trail of cookie crumbs tracing back to their most personal data.
In addition to the leaked information, Rogen’s personal computer was also wiped clean, destroying five primilinay scripts — including one for The Interview 2: Big Trouble in Little Korea. Because of this, the US government has decided to not retaliate against the other attacks.
Beauty and the Beast: a tale as old as time
The tale of a beautiful, smart girl who falls in love with a fearsome beast is one that has delighted children for generations since it was first published in the 18th century. When Disney offered their adaptation of the fairy tale in their 1991 animated film, the story came to life, and its iconic songs still resonate with audiences today.
The Broadway adaptation of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast is an insightful re-imagining of the movie, bringing an added depth to its beloved, iconic characters. The play has also added some delightful new songs to the movie’s original score. The production has been running since 1994, and is celebrating 20 years since its first premiere, having been performed in over 22 countries and translated into nine different languages. This current production was launched in 2010, and is bringing the show to several cities in North America, including Vancouver’s Queen Elizabeth Theatre.
Ryan Everett Wood will be playing the Beast in this Broadway production.“The show has something that everyone can identify with,” he told The Peak. “It speaks to the experience of being able to look at someone’s heart in order to really see what is inside of a person. Belle is an outcast in her town even though she is beautiful. The Beast is big and scary, and nobody really understands him either, but he is really just a kid at heart. There’s romance, a lot of humour. . . it is a beautiful story, and there is something for everyone.”
The classic childhood tale has plenty of heart, and the Broadway adaptation is no exception. Wood adds that the audience will be able to get to know the characters in a more personal way, incorporating more backstory to provide the reasons behind their feelings and motives. As for his character, the misunderstood Beast, Wood characterizes him by saying, “He himself learns how to not judge someone based on their appearance. He has so much self-discovery in such a short amount of time. What I love the most about the Beast is that while he initially appears to be very aggressive, as time goes on the audience will fall more and more in love with him.”
Disney’s sweetness, charm, and heart come to life in a magical Broadway show that will offer both kids and adults something to enjoy. “We are giving audiences around the world a chance to experience a Broadway show,” said Wood. “We are able to touch families and make memories for them that they wouldn’t have otherwise. It brings a community together — for how often do we get so many people under one roof that are laughing and enjoying a story like this?”
Beauty and the Beast will be presented by Broadway Across Canada February 3 to 8 at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre. For more information, visit vancouver.broadway.com. For tickets, visit ticketmaster.ca.
Classes clash in The Goodnight Bird
Lilly and Morgan Beaumont are a childless, retired couple living in a new condo. The play opens as they are about to go to bed. Lilly (Nicola Cavendish) is nagging Morgan (Christopher Hunt) repeatedly about whether or not he remembered to lock the door. Right away we get a sense of their distinct characters, their unhappy marriage, and their mutual loneliness.
When Parker (Graham Cuthbertson), a philosophical homeless man, finds his way into their bedroom, Lilly and Morgan are faced with unexpected reflections on their lives and marriage. Parker stumbles in, holding his head in his hands, moaning that he hit it on something and needs a bandage. After hurling himself off the roof of their building, he landed on their balcony, hitting his head on the barbeque.
Lilly ignores his pleas for help, and her immediate reaction is to insult him and tell him to get out. He passes out on their bed, and Lilly screams that he’s bleeding on the duvet.
Parker’s carefree, citizen-of-the-universe, one-with-nature attitude initially repulses Lilly, while Morgan has compassion for the man. But the longer Parker is in their room, the more he wins Lilly over with his recitations of Ralph Waldo Emerson, and the more Morgan becomes suspicious and spiteful.
This juxtaposition of homelessness against a comfortable middle class lifestyle is present as Lilly and Morgan question what to do. Should they call the police? Give Parker some food? Take him out through the parking garage and release him like a rehabilitated animal?
Cavendish was wonderfully incorrigible as Lilly, the frustrated, retired high school teacher, and her transformation into a carefree woman of the woods, who follows Parker out into the night and gains a new perspective on life, was powerful. Morgan allows himself to be honest with Lilly, and they are finally able to say things to each other that they have been holding in for years. Cuthbertson was wildly delirious as Parker, a harmless-seeming lost soul looking for love.
Governor General Award-winning playwright Colleen Murphy has crafted a comic, melancholic story of personal reflection and courage, and with Roy Surette’s surefire direction, this cast turns a bedroom into a stage of complex emotional transformation.
The Goodnight Bird is presented by Centaur Theatre and the Kay Meek Centre from January 26 to February 14. For more information, visit kaymeekcentre.com.
Photo credit: David Cooper.
One Man, Two Guvnors, countless laughs
With disguise, deceit, slapstick comedy, and a hilarious plot based on Carlo Goldoni’s 1753 classic, the commedia dell’arte-inspired Servant of Two Masters, Richard Bean’s One Man, Two Guvnors is a delightful show full of rousing music and British wit.
Directed by David Mackay and set in 1963 in Brighton, a seaside vacation town in southern England, the show is a silly, entertaining, well-acted production that makes for a very enjoyable night at the theatre. Unless, of course, you’re “too old for silly,” as one of my fellow audience members remarked before leaving at intermission.
You have to accept going into this show that the whole point is for it to be full of corny jokes and contrived scenarios that allow for the plot to wind its circuitous, wacky route towards a tidy conclusion. In a style reminiscent of such British comedy greats as Benny Hill, and John Cleese in Fawlty Towers, Francis (Andrew McNee) plays the titular one man who tries desperately to serve two guvnors. He gave a stellar performance requiring a great deal of stamina and comedic endurance.
The two guvnors are Roscoe Crabbe, a local gangster who was assumed to be dead, and Stanley Stubbers (Martin Happer), the lover of Crabbe’s twin sister who is thought to have killed Crabbe. The twist is that Crabbe’s sister, Rachel (Celine Stubel), is actually on the run disguised as her brother and is meant to meet up with Stubbers in Brighton before they run away together. Another complication is that, through an arrangement with her father, Roscoe was meant to marry Pauline Clench (Lauren Bowler). Since Roscoe’s death, Pauline has been engaged to Alan Dangle (Ryan Biel), an amateur actor who hilariously overacts all of his lines.
The funniest scenes involve Francis bumbling around while trying to keep his lies straight and not let the guvnors know about each other. In particular, there is a restaurant scene where he serves dishes to the guvnors who are in separate rooms. They each come out requesting various food or drink, barely missing each other, and Francis is left to make sure he gets their orders right. If you’ve seen Fawlty Towers, the play reminds of the way Mr. Fawlty frantically tries to please all of his guests, often amassing a string of lies along the way.
There is also some audience involvement in this restaurant scene, as Francis enlisted the help of a young girl to hold his large soup urn full of stolen food and hide when the guvnors return. In the first act of the play, Francis hasn’t eaten in so long that he becomes obsessed with food. He ends up eating a letter, drinking old beer, and rummaging through a trashcan. In the second act, his obsession moves to Dolly, a secretary who plays hard to get.
Along with the brilliant comedy, this show also has great musical numbers performed by a skiffle band called The Craze. They entertained the audience with songs from the era before and after the show as well as during intermission, and they really set the mood with songs like “The Brighton Line” and “Lighten Up and Lay Low.” With obvious references to The Beatles, The Craze mentioned that they “would be number one if it wasn’t for those lads from Liverpool.” Their performances also involved some hilarious additions, such as Ryan Biel’s chest drumming and Andrew McNee’s xylophone solo.
This show is guaranteed to leave you laughing, and is especially recommended for fans of British comedy.
One Man, Two Guvnors is presented by the Arts Club Theatre Company from January 28 to February 22 at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage. For more information, visit artsclub.com.
Photo credit: Emily Cooper.
