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Laugh Track: Graham Clark

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Illustration by Anosha Ashfaq

Graham Clark is more than just a funny guy with a beard. Sure, he sometimes uses that beard as a brush and does paintings to raise money for charities, but there are layers to the Calgary-born now-Vancouverite. Aside from his side life as a follicled artist, Clark also co-hosts the insanely popular weekly podcast Stop Podcasting Yourself and produces the comedy show Laugh Gallery every Monday at Havana on Commercial Drive.

But why take my word for it? I’ll let Clark explain all of these things for himself.

Tell us about all of the wonderful ways you’re involved with comedy — both locally and beyond Vancouver.

Well, I do traditional stand-up, both at festivals and at comedy clubs, and then I do a weekly podcast, and then I run a weekly show at Havana and then I run some monthly things, like a wrestling-themed comedy show at Little Mountain Gallery, and I work on the radio show The Debaters as an associate producer, and other odds and sods, but those are the main things.

Walk me through the steps that go into producing an episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Do you do any prep work, aside from finding a guest star every week?

Well, my co-host, Dave Shumka, does all of the production stuff. Either someone will be in town that we think would be fun to have on the show, or we’ll have someone we’ve already had on the show and we know is fun. We just go over to the studio Dave has set up at his place and we record the show. We don’t do a ton of prep work. I think we just always make sure to come in with a story each week, but there’s not a lot of prep work because it’s all kind of off the cuff.

Do guest stars on the show usually approach you or do you approach them?

Sometimes people approach us, but more often than not we’re approaching people. It’s a tough sell because we know the show is good and we know they’ll have a good time, but every comic I know has been on a hundred podcasts and a lot of them aren’t good, so being approached by a podcast is not a great proposition for these comics. You want to know that a) it’s going to be fun and b) that someone’s going to hear it on the other end. But we’ve got a pretty good reputation at this point; we usually approach people but sometimes comedians come to town and pitch themselves as a guest.

Are there any long-term plans for Stop Podcasting Yourself, or are you and co-host Dave just winging it and seeing what happens?

We only started doing the podcast because we liked each other and thought we were really funny, and there weren’t a lot of comedy podcasts around when we started. So we didn’t think it was anything. We just liked doing it and we kept doing it, so we didn’t have a plan then and we don’t have a plan now.

When was the moment that you realized, “Hey, this is a thing”?

I think when people we’d never met before were listening to it and enjoying it. Because our friends listened to it and they liked it and thought it was funny, but when there were complete strangers liking it and sharing it, then I felt like, “Oh okay, now it’s something that’s a thing.” It was just fun when we realized that there were people who liked it empirically.

Your weekly show at Havana, Laugh Gallery, has been described as “part comedy show, part Antiques Roadshow.” Can you elaborate on that?

That’s totally astute, because I gather up these prizes from flea markets and thrift stores and I give them away over the course of the night. It’s a big part of the show and it’s what keeps me interested in doing the show, going and finding these neat things. And people get so stoked on things that they previously didn’t ever think they wanted, but being in the same room with it they get really jazzed about this toy or shirt or whatever. So that’s a good descriptor of the show.

What’s been your favourite thing to give away?

A couple of years ago I did a show for the Comedy Festival and they gave me a special budget to produce the show so I went and bought some stuff that I would’ve never bought for the show because it was too expensive. I bought a still-in-the-box Michael Jackson Thriller-era action figure and I gave that away. It was hard to part with, but people went so bananas for it. That’s what stands out in my mind as the coolest.

You sometimes make paintings using your beard as a brush. How long does each painting usually take you?

The one that I’m doing now, I think altogether will be about 12 to 16 hours, because everything’s so finicky. Everything takes twice or three times the time it would take if you were just using a regular brush. Depends on how intricate the painting is, but somewhere between 12 and 20 hours.

What kind of paint do you use?

I use an acrylic from a store on Granville Island that makes their own paint called Kroma. Their paints don’t have a lot of the stuff that paints from a conventional art store would have because they don’t put preservatives in it, so it doesn’t last as long, but it’s non-toxic. When I was doing it, I talked to different painters, went to different art stores, I even talked to a doctor to make sure it wasn’t something that could affect me, health-wise.

What would you say is one popular misconception about comedians that you wish people knew about?

I think it’s coming to light because of the Internet, and I’ve read a lot of articles on it recently: the idea that heckling is somehow part of the show. It’s like a myth, but it keeps going and people don’t even do it to be malicious. They really think it’s a part of the show and it’s not.

Anything else you want to say to our readers?

To anybody reading this, Vancouver has such a good comedy scene; it’s insane. You would have to go to a city like New York or London to find the kind of talent that’s here. If you have any kind of inkling to go see a comedy show, do so, because you’re in for a treat. There aren’t just shows every night of the week; there are good shows every night of the week. We’re really lucky to have the scene that we have in Vancouver.

This article is about nothing

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Why are you reading this? I already told you this article was about nothing. It’s in the headline for Christ’s sake. Were you really expecting to see a headline like that and then read an article that’s about anything more than nothing? In what kind of a crazy world does that make sense?!

Still reading, huh? That’s cool. I’ve got all the time in the world to not have an overarching thesis or narrative to this article. I don’t have anywhere pressing to be. You might as well just quit reading and check out some of the newspaper’s other content. Did you know The Peak interviewed Vancouver comedian Graham Clark for this same issue? Bet that would be a fun read. You should probably just go check out that article and leave this poor, meaningless faux-article to be in peace.

Really? Well, you’re obviously not a reader who listens to logic, so maybe some reverse psychology will do the trick: don’t stop reading this article. Keep going until the very end, absorbing every word you can, and then finish the article, left only to crave more. You’re someone who’s just finished running a marathon and these words are your oxygen — breathe it all in.

Okay fine, you win. This article’s about something. It’s breaking news, and The Peak has an exclusive: just this week, an article about nothing confused and confounded readers who felt like they were entitled to read about something, even when they were warned that nothing awaited them at the end of everything.

When asked to comment on the non-phenomenon, Peak Humour Editor Jacey Gibb claims the piece originally came from the idea of writing an article about absolutely nothing. Gibb went on to suggest that he might have been trying to prove a point about how information-hungry and untrusting readers are of that exact same information, but later confirmed that any moral to the article would have defeated the purpose of its existence in the first place.

HUMOUR: The statue emporium at the bottom of Burnaby Mountain attempts a radio ad

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Photo by Phoebe Lim

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! This Sunday only, Ital Decor Ltd. — that place with all of the statues you sometimes see while riding the 135 to and from SFU’s Burnaby campus — is having a blow-out clearance sale. Bloooooooooow ouuuuuuuut saaaaaaaaale!

A glitch in our inventory system means we accidentally have two hundred cement gargoyles coming in next Monday. Our lot is already at full-capacity and so we’re dealing with this surplus the only way we know how: not by canceling the order, but by throwing a super special, once-in-a-lifetime sale. Sale sale sale!

We’ve got everything you need. Little ceramic frogs with open mouths that you can put a plant inside of? You bet. Stone statues of young women wearing minimal clothing, but not in a sexual way? We have dozens. Ordinary-looking stones with vaguely inspiring quotes written on them? Like you even had to ask. Gnomes for your garden? Available in 20 different kinds of coloured hats. If you can stick it on a lawn and ask yourself, “Is this art?,” then we have it in stock!

No yard? No problem! All of our ornaments are easily transferable to indoor, more “Vancouver” settings, including (but not limited to) living room laying tiger statues, kitchen Virgin Mary mouldings, and plasters of any Greek god you can imagine — perfect for keeping on your nightstand.

Potted plants are needy and always die, even when you take real good care of them; when you purchase an ornamental snail statue, it’s a decorative investment that’ll last for years to come.

Did you know the word “statue” comes from the Latin one for “eternally stylish”? It doesn’t, but that’s definitely something you can tell your next house guests when they’re over and inquiring about why you have a cement angel fountain in your living room. Did I mention we have fountains? From fountains where the water shoots out of a fish’s mouth to ones where the spout makes the angel look like it’s peeing, there are few things as elegant and timeless as an indoor fountain.                  

Admit it: your lawn’s stuck in what the ancient Romans referred to as the Dark Ages. But it’s time to shine a light on that darkness. If you’ve been contemplating purchasing a ceramic statue or adding some kind of decorative pillar to your lawn, now’s the time to act. Our sales associates are knowledgeable and friendly, and our inventory is limited, with select items sure to go fast. There’s never been a better time to buy a 150 lb lawn vase.

So this weekend come on down to Ital Decor Ltd., 6886 Hastings Street, that’s 6-8-8-6 Hastings Street, in Burnaby and save big big big!

A bat flew in the window

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This week in comics

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SEAGULL SQUARE 8
Seagull Square (by Jill Mandrake)


BIC pic
Pun 2 3 (by Sarah Walker)

8-10 servings
8—10 Servings (by Jacey Gibb


Agoraphobia 8 copy
The Adventures of Agoraphobia Man: World Defender (by Jacey Gibb)

HUMOUR: SFU Burnaby’s most haunted locations

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With an area as vast and historical as Burnaby Mountain, is it really any surprise that every year reports flood in from witnesses who claim to have experienced different kinds of paranormal activity? Check out our list of some of SFU Burnaby’s most haunted places and make sure you keep an eye out for anything supernatural the next time you’re on campus.

Better yet, tweet us at @PeakSFU with your own tips on where our paranormal investigators should scope out next.

WEB - Forest - Phoebe Lim

The woods surrounding Burnaby Mountain

Extensive forests cover most of the land around campus, so it only makes sense that a lot of ghostly sightings originate here. The sounds of footsteps stepping on twigs when no one else is around, ritualistic markings on tree bark, and weird burn marks discovered on the forest floor. These are just a few of the bizarre happenings that the woods of SFU have come to be known for.

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The top floor of Bennett Library

Even during peak midterms and finals season, the library can have a haunting feeling; a tingling feeling at the back of your neck like someone — or something — is watching you. Lights in the library’s elevators have been known to flicker on and off haphazardly, and sometimes computers will just freeze while you’re in the middle of doing work, seemingly without explanation. Employees will probably brush these types of things off as completely random, but what if there’s a spectral force at work here?

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The Highland Pub

The only bar on campus is also the spookiest bar on campus. Loud music reportedly plays through the speakers even when there’s no one dancing, and beer often emerges directly from the tap so flat it’s scary. A rumour also persists that every Saturday, when most bars are busy enjoying one of the busiest days of the week, the Highland stays closed in order to appease the countless ghosts that haunt the men’s urinals. If you really want to see some spooky things, though, go on a night other than Friday.

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The SFU Gallery

In preparation for this article, The Peak had to conduct weeks of research and seek out things from SFU’s past that the university didn’t want people to find — including the SFU Gallery. Not ringing any bells? The gallery located in the AQ? It’s usually open but no one’s ever really going in or out of it? Nothing? Well, the point is we’re pretty sure SFU Gallery is also haunted but as of yet we can’t confirm these observations. (Because investigating the Gallery would require us to actually go there.)

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Mr. Sub in the Maggie Benston building

If there’s one relic from the past that reminds us that what’s dead doesn’t stay dead, it’s the Mr. Sub on campus. It’s so widely regarded as being haunted that rarely anyone ever goes there, even when there’s a lineup at most of the other food places.

WEB---Club-Illya---Phoebe-Lim

Club Ilia

The ghosts at Club Ilia are of a similar astral plane as the ones found at The Highland pub, but they’re even more tortured from years of being neglected. Haunted spirits walk to aisles of Ilia as recurring events happen weekly, hoping to serving as a reminder that there are actually two places on campus to get afternoon drunk.

Food waste fines are coming

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Image credit: Adam Madojemu

Starting July 1, SFU, along with the rest of Metro Vancouver, will be fined for throwing organic waste into the landfill.

Solid food waste takes up a lot of space in landfills and does harm to the environment if it isn’t composted properly. Organics that are trapped under other garbage take much longer to decompose and release methane gas into the atmosphere.

Garbage loads with a more than 25 per cent of visible food will be surcharged with an additional 50 per cent of the disposal cost. Metro Vancouver will levy fines against garbage haulers, based on what they bring in, who will then pass them on to those who are actually generating the waste.

SFU has been participating in the organics ban for the past 18 months in preparation for the forthcoming financial enforcement.

SFU’s Sustainability Office claims the university has been successful at meeting its organics recycling goals.

Rachel Telling, the Sustainability Office’s Zero Waste Coordinator, expressed that the implementation of the zero waste initiative at SFU has been a positive experience overall. “We’ve had mostly positive feedback, but we try to be reactive to whatever challenges we may face,” Telling stated.

She went on to recognize the diligent cooperation that the staff and administration have showed so far in the initiative and the positive result of various outreach efforts by the sustainability office.

The implementation of the fine on food waste aims to draw forth more individualized accountability from Metro Vancouver. From July 1 to December 31, enforcement of fines will be in place for an excess of 25 per cent organics in the trash, with that percentage gradually lowering over time starting in January. By that time, most, if not all, buildings will be expected to have food waste recycling programs in place.

Telling stressed the importance of zero waste initiatives: “100,000 tonnes of avoidable food waste per year [is] going into the landfills just from residential waste alone.”

She said this calls to question why so much food is being wasted in the first place when so many people are in need. “We want people to recognize that food waste has a value.”

Why Canada should update its archaic drug laws

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Photo courtesy of Torben Hansen (Flickr)

The Supreme Court of Canada recently invalidated sections 4 and 5 of the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act in a unanimous decision, effectively legalizing non-conventional forms of marijuana for medicinal use. This means that those who are licensed to use medical marijuana will no longer be restricted to just smoking it. They will have the option consume marijuana cookies, brownies, lip balms, oils — the list goes as far as your imagination allows.

This decision is part of a growing trend toward decriminalizing and legalizing cannabis, and it’s about time. Canada’s law surrounding cannabis, especially of the medicinal variety, are puritanical and arbitrary, with lines drawn between certain methods of consumption for apparently no reason other than the government feeling like it.

Laws should only be in place so long as they are useful to society. But when a law becomes damaging and harmful to the citizens it is supposed to help, it becomes unjust. The cost of the “War on Cannabis” is well documented. SFU criminology professor Neil Boyd estimated in 2013 that by 2018, BC alone will spend $18.8 million per year on policing and court costs.

A World Drug Report from 2008 states that if half the marijuana in circulation were consumed by Canadians, it would garner $2.12 billion in revenue every year. Addtionally, the state of Washington, which recently legalized recreational pot, is suggested by the most recent Economic and Revenue Forecast Council estimate as of 2014 to generate $694 million in tax revenue by 2019.

For sufferers of painful chronic illnesses, cannabis products may be a helpful and even necessary respite for their distress. A UBC researcher has begun a study which will look at how marijuana can help patients with HIV/AIDS. Medicinal marijuana has also been suggested to help treat multiple sclerosis and cancer patients.

Essentially the Conservative position on marijuana is to plug their ears and insist on governing morals.

The laws that were struck down had serious consequences. Take six-year-old Liam McKnight from Ottawa: he suffers from a severe form of epilepsy and requires cannabis oil to help with his seizures. His parents have knowingly broken the law to supply him with this aid. According to federal laws, it would be legal for a seven year old to smoke a joint, but cannabis oil is considered a step too far.

Conservative health minister Rona Ambrose has said that she was “outraged” by the ruling, yet she shows no outrage for the human cost of draconian marijuana legislation. While the Supreme Court was supplied with ample medical evidence to consider when making their decision, Ambrose has chosen to ignore it. Essentially, the conservative position on marijuana isto plug their ears and insist on governing morals.

Conservatives are well aware that their strict anti-drug stance is popular. It feeds into societal anxiety which categorises recreational drug users as troublemakers who need to be purged. But in a society where other recreational drugs are openly accepted, there is no basis for this belief.

We Canadians have the liberty to choose; whether a decision is unhealthy or healthy, that decision is ours to bear. While the government does not have to encourage “unhealthy” decisions, it has no business throwing someone into jail for making them.

Behind the current position is nothing but hot air and a lack of respect for the welfare of drug users and for our enshrined freedoms as Canadians. There is no longer any rational justification for marijuana prohibition, and the federal government needs to acknowledge the human cost left in the wake of their battle against the drug. A war on drugs is a war on Canadians.

My body positivity story

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Photo Credit: Momo Lin

Body positivity is something that I take personally. As a woman who doesn’t fit perfect societal body standards, I needed time to accept my figure. I could look in a mirror and pick apart my body from head to toe, criticizing it for not being a flawless representation of what mainstream media uses to define “beautiful.”

The easy solution is to blame mainstream media for inundating women with endless fashion spreads, and celebrities who are famous for, apparently, no reason other than fitting some arbitrary beauty standard. But I was lucky. I grew up in a home where being yourself was more important than fitting any media ideal.

I was also raised to look at the media with a certain amount of trepidation, continually questioning what it was telling me. I knew that what I saw wasn’t realistic; I knew that all the images were airbrushed to perfection.

As a child, I dealt with bullying over my appearance and other aspects of my character. It’s only in hindsight I realize that what my childhood peers said had more of an effect on me than I thought. For   myself as a 14 year-old, being in public felt like I was being judged for every choice I made — what I was wearing, how I chose to do my makeup. I felt as though at any minute someone was going to say something hurtful.

So instead of wearing the clothes or makeup I preferred, I tried to either blend in with my surroundings, or hide my body as best I could to avoid being looked at. I associated public looks with opportunities to be judged, hurt, questioned for who I am, and I hated myself for it.

I associated public looks with opportunities to be judged, hurt, and questioned for who I am.

Then my life changed, and with it my perspectives. I did have confidence issues during my first year of university, and it wasn’t until I gained close friends while living in dorms that these issues began to dissipate. Every time someone told me I looked good, or I caught sight of my reflection and didn’t recognize who I was, the good feelings about my body began to outweigh the bad.

I gained the confidence to wear my clothes and makeup in the manner I preferred. I gained more confidence to not care about how others perceived me.

I still have days where I just want to stay home and hide. But in those times, I remember the good feelings I had from wearing a certain shirt or shade of lipstick. These memories help me realize that I am my own worst critic and that it never is as bad as I think it is; I can then get dressed, walk out the door, and feel confident about my appearance.

Through my personal experiences, I take issue with people who participate in body shaming, both online and in person. Every body is different; every person is different; above all, every person is amazing. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion, but if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It’s that simple.

Your words can change lives. We should strive to change lives for the positive rather than the negative, and the simple act of complimenting someone goes a long way to doing just that.

So next time you feel you need to comment about someone who does not have a celebrity’s body, stop and think about how your words can have more of an impact than you intended, or how they simply reinforce the lies shaped by that cookie-cutter magazine cover.

An overview of events marking SFU’s 50th anniversary

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This year, SFU is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the day it opened its doors — September 9, 1965. There are a number of celebratory events being planned by the university in effort to engage the students, faculty, staff, alumni, and community members in commemorating the milestone.

The associate project director of SFU’s 50th Anniversary Project, Adam Brayford, expressed, “SFU’s 50th Anniversary is so rich with events because events are perhaps the most meaningful and memorable way for us to engage our community.”

With less than 72 days until the big “50th Anniversary Kickoff” and “Celebrate & Savour SFU’s 50th Anniversary,” here are some celebratory events you can attend leading up to September 9.

 

Through a Window: Visual Art and SFU

Where: SFU Gallery (June 3 – July 31), Audain Gallery (June 3 – August 1), Teck Gallery (June 3 – April 30, 2016)

Showcasing the history of visual art at SFU over the past 50 years, this three-part exhibition integrates the works of former students, faculty, and other collaborators in a reflection of the artistic rhythms of the past.

The exhibit literally looks at a window in each of the galleries as “as a social, spatial, and material symbol.” The works display shifts in local, national, and international aesthetics, theory, teaching, technology, and politics over the decades.

In addition to public tours, mobile talks, and sound walks, the three galleries will host various listening events and lectures throughout the summer.

 

City of Surrey Fusion Festival

Where: Holland Park (July 18 – 19)

Music, food, and culture will be at the forefront of the Fusion Festival, featuring a number of ethnic groups and service clubs from the Surrey and South Fraser communities.

There will be over 70 performances on four stages throughout the park, including appearances by the SFU pipe band and highland dancers. The Celebration Stage is being sponsored by SFU, with the aim to “create a celebration of international cooperation in the spirit of harmony.”

“SFU’s presence at the Surrey Fusion Festival,” said Brayford, “is an example of how, as we enter our 50th year, we are more community-engaged than ever.”

In addition to interactive booths put on by groups such as SFU Recreation and the Mechatronics department, the festival will include a 50th Anniversary ceremony and reception, and a welcome address by President Andrew Petter.

 

Week of Welcome

Where: All three SFU campuses (September 8 – 11)

As the university welcomes a fresh batch of faces for the 50th time, all students are welcome to participate in the biggest Week of Welcome in SFU history.

A carnival-themed day will kick off the first week of classes. Students can expect to see photo booths, mini golf, and daily barbeques or pancake breakfasts at the Burnaby and Surrey campuses. A community barbeque will be held at the Vancouver campus on Wednesday September 9.

“Our 50th Anniversary Week of Welcome will provide a fun way to enter the fall semester and will create memorable experiences for students,” explained Brayford. The week promises to engage and entertain with lots of good food, music, performances, and free stuff.

 

50th Anniversary Kickoff

Where: Freedom Square (September 9)

SFU’s official birthday party will be held around on the day the university opened its doors to its very first students. Although the kickoff will be held in Freedom Square around midday, it will be live-streamed to simultaneous celebrations at each of the satellite campuses.

Attendees will have the opportunity to don 50th Anniversary tattoos, and write inspirational chalk messages on the steps of Freedom Square. Live entertainment, food trucks, and — of course — fair-trade birthday cake are on all the menu.

Click here for details on the celebrations.

 

Celebrate & Savour

Where: AQ courtyard (September 9)

The evening of September 9 will see the AQ courtyards transformed into an interactive food festival, featuring the greatest chefs and culinary experts in Metro Vancouver.

An array of ethnic performances, a giant birthday card, photobooths, and more, will be topped off with a display of fireworks at the end of the night.

Click here for more on this unique evening event.

 

Launch of the Change Makers Video Series

Where: Various SFU locations (September 9)

Starting September 9, SFU will be launching a series of videos profiling “change makers” from the SFU community.

The change makers include those who have taken the knowledge and experience acquired from their time at SFU and shared it with the greater global community. The videos will released throughout the year.

 

50th Anniversary Clan Kickoff Football Game

Where: Swangard Stadium (September 19)

SFU Athletics will be kicking off their 50th anniversary celebrations at the first Clan football game of the season. The anniversary season will feature event passport reward programs to allow fans to win prizes by collecting stamps at each game they attend.

Select games throughout the season will recognize some of the Clan’s greatest athletes and athletic achievements. Fans can also expect to see the distribution of commemorative t-shirts and performances by university artists, including the award-winning SFU pipe band, at the games.

 

50th Anniversary Convocation

Where: SFU Convocation Mall (October 8 – 9)

The Fall 2015 Convocation will be celebrated with esteemed guests, including SFU’s Charter (very first) alumni and special honorary degree recipients.

Filmmaker and author Sut Jhally, scientist and educator Bill Nye “the Science Guy,” prize-winning chemist Harry Gray, and ethnobotanist and ethnoecologist Nancy Turner, are just a few of the individuals who will walk the stage with the graduands.

The ceremony will include 50th anniversary heraldry, and the graduands will receive a special momento from the university and Alumni Association.